hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Hi I don't think I have emotionally processed this properly yet, but needed to get it out. Just got an email from my therapist, she has just had a horrible loss with her husband being killed in a road accident. It looks like it has hit her really badly, and she said she doesnt even know if she will go back to being a psychotherapist, let alone when. I really can't blame her for that at all, she must be utterly devastated. So I am sort of trying to figure out what I am feeling about it all. I feel sad at the moment, not sure what else. Thinking about maybe looking for another T, or asking the local CMHT if I can have the group therapy they wouldnt give me whilst I was already having one to one. I guess I just feel like there was so much invested in that relationship, took so long to get it where it was, and now I suppose its like I am going to have to start again, and I'm scared it take just as long to trust a new person. I don;t know, I guess thats why I am not feeling too much, because the impact of it isn't obvious yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Ok well its kind of hitting me now, as I've just been crying rather a lot. Don't really know what am gonna do, as she felt like the one place I could be me and didnt have to explain things or justify things. Not sure how on earth I am going to find that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toocrazy Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 ((hm)) Omg you have been doing so well it is ok for you to be upset. She definitely has a good reason so no gray area rejection issues. Maybe she could suggest another T and then hand you over to her choice. It is very hard to form a connection with a T, so sorry. A group would definitely be a giant step if you feel ready. It is a terrible thing all the way around. Give yourself a couple days to process it and let yourself feel the whole spectrum of your feelings. Why she has to quit shouldn't effect that this is a personal loss for you too, tragic as is the circumstances. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 ((hm)) Omg you have been doing so well it is ok for you to be upset. She definitely has a good reason so no gray area rejection issues. Maybe she could suggest another T and then hand you over to her choice. It is very hard to form a connection with a T, so sorry. A group would definitely be a giant step if you feel ready. It is a terrible thing all the way around. Give yourself a couple days to process it and let yourself feel the whole spectrum of your feelings. Why she has to quit shouldn't effect that this is a personal loss for you too, tragic as is the circumstances. Hi toocrazy Thank you very much for replying, must admit am sitting here having sniffles as I type! I hadn't thought about asking her to recommend me someone, thats a really good idea. As you say, couple of days to get feelings together and things, and yes it doesnt feel like a rejection, at least I don't think so, feelings are a bit muddy - will have to wait and see what those inner things come up with in the next few days. I think I also feel sad for her, she only recently married him. Sad feelings always confuse me so much so half the time when I feel them its all a bit airy fairy as to what they mean and things. Thank you for the word-snuggles, much needed Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple-chick Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 i know how you feel, i lost my t a couple of years ago, as she moved towns. its strange as i didnt even like her that much at first, but i felt our professional relationship had grown from strength to strength, and by the last few sessions i really opened up to her, so was very sad when she suddenly left. she wasnt replaced, but i was offered group therapy, like you. now affer 2 years iv finally started having 1to1's again, iv only had 2 sessions so far, and my t has just told me she is going on maternity leave very soon, but atleast this time she will be replaced. its so hard when you get used to someone, and then they leave (i dont deal well with change) so i really feel for you. here if you wanna chat about it more xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 I am sorry that you have lost your therapist, Ross. Could you email your T and ask them to recommend a new one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 i know how you feel, i lost my t a couple of years ago, as she moved towns. its strange as i didnt even like her that much at first, but i felt our professional relationship had grown from strength to strength, and by the last few sessions i really opened up to her, so was very sad when she suddenly left. she wasnt replaced, but i was offered group therapy, like you. now affer 2 years iv finally started having 1to1's again, iv only had 2 sessions so far, and my t has just told me she is going on maternity leave very soon, but atleast this time she will be replaced. its so hard when you get used to someone, and then they leave (i dont deal well with change) so i really feel for you. here if you wanna chat about it more xx Hi purpley I think the thing thats upsetting me the most is just losing that place where I knew I could be accepted, where I didnt have to 'work' to be understood and where it felt safe to show emotion and things. The other relationships in my life I still dont feel safe to show things like sadness or anger, and even in therapy I tended to shut away anger. It felt like we were making progress there. I don't know. As you say group therapy could be good for me I suppose. My T is actually private, so I would need to get myself back in the referral process. Made an appt with my doctor, though to see the one I trust I have to wait til end of May. I dunno. My emotions are a bit like a dodgy tap. Its like you get FWOOSH then **thunk** and it all stops again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 I am sorry that you have lost your therapist, Ross. Could you email your T and ask them to recommend a new one? Hi cheers Data, I think that would be a great idea, especially if she was able to do some kind of handover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 ((((Ross))) Must be like standing in quicksand, but let the feelings come out else you'll end up with a pot of uglies. Must hurt a great deal but when you feel you can breathe again think of your options, you'll find another person to trust I'm sure. You give out so many positive vibes I'm sure you'll attract only the most honest and truthful and loving of peeps. xxxB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 oh no, that's pants guess theres a mix of emotions in there - loss and grieving for you and i guess you also feel for her loss too... ima not gonna spout on about what to do with the feelings cos i think you know all that... just be gentle with yourself - as with all losses, there is no right or wrong way to deal, just in your own time and in yuor own way... keep talking here if it helps you - cos you will need somewhere to express what you need to express as and when you ready... and about what next... generally, i find that these things work themselves out... more often than not for the better... hope it's that way with you... proud of yuo for mentioning group therapy tho - cos know you struggle with interaction... so well done for considering that as an option... and fuffety cuggly bunbuns xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpeas Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 oh no,how sad this must be for you and your T,I agree in asking her to recommend a new one,she must be going through hell with losing her husband right now ((((hugs)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 ((((Ross))) Must be like standing in quicksand, but let the feelings come out else you'll end up with a pot of uglies. Must hurt a great deal but when you feel you can breathe again think of your options, you'll find another person to trust I'm sure. You give out so many positive vibes I'm sure you'll attract only the most honest and truthful and loving of peeps. xxxB oh no, that's pants guess theres a mix of emotions in there - loss and grieving for you and i guess you also feel for her loss too... ima not gonna spout on about what to do with the feelings cos i think you know all that... just be gentle with yourself - as with all losses, there is no right or wrong way to deal, just in your own time and in yuor own way... keep talking here if it helps you - cos you will need somewhere to express what you need to express as and when you ready... and about what next... generally, i find that these things work themselves out... more often than not for the better... hope it's that way with you... proud of yuo for mentioning group therapy tho - cos know you struggle with interaction... so well done for considering that as an option... and fuffety cuggly bunbuns xxx Hi guys I think I have moved onto an altogether more difficult emotion for me, I think I am feeling a bit angry. I feel very guilty for feeling it, but there is this part of me that feels angry because something good has been taken away I suppose. Find it hard to feel like this and I end up in this sort of cynical frame of mind, cynical and a bit depressed I suppose. We have a picture on our kitchen wall that says "every cloud has a silver lining", and I have to admit I did tell it fu** off about half an hour ago, but I suppose its true that something good could come out of it. Its just the thought of having to start again I guess. Maybe if my T hands me over to someone it will take a lot of that out of it, but she hasnt mentioned doing that and I feel a bad asking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 oh no,how sad this must be for you and your T,I agree in asking her to recommend a new one,she must be going through hell with losing her husband right now ((((hugs)))) It must have hit her really hard, it actually happened mid-april and its made her question whether she can be a therapist anymore, so it must have really cut deep. It must be extremely tough to give support and empathy to others when something like that has happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 ((hummm-mabbe)) so sorry for you and your T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 ((((((((rossy)))))))) had something similar in my therapy group, the first one - the counsellor had to leave suddenly because his wife had a massive brain haemorrhage. it was very confusing and i felt extremely selfish for feeling upset for MY loss. but i guess it is natural. so i can relate, somewhat toastie mcfluffle bum xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 (((((((((((((((((((((ross))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 ((hummm-mabbe)) so sorry for you and your T. (((((((((((((((((((((ross))))))))))))))))))))))) Thanks guys :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 ((((((((rossy)))))))) had something similar in my therapy group, the first one - the counsellor had to leave suddenly because his wife had a massive brain haemorrhage. it was very confusing and i felt extremely selfish for feeling upset for MY loss. but i guess it is natural. so i can relate, somewhat toastie mcfluffle bum xx Hi toast Yeah thats pretty much what I am feeling really, especially realising I feel a bit angry. Feel like I really shouldn't feel angry at all, though I do. Guess all i can do is let it float up if it comes and things, at the mo I just feel sort of wiped out and a bit numb I suppose. Been eating too much choccie to try and cheer meself up, got a headache instead. Humph <_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 At the moment the one upside I can think of is that I might be able to pay off my overdraft now I am not paying therapy costs, so I suppose that will be one tiny weight off my mind especially as my bank charges me like £30 a month for it, buggers. Should be able to clear it in a few months I think. So maybe one very mini silver lined cloud there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Really feel for you Ross- you need to grieve the loss of the t relationship, therefore the lack of emotion then getting angry etc. I think asking for a recommendation is a good plan - and be super kind to yourself. Xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 its mad isn't it - we feel these feelings then we create another feeling - i.e. guilt - for feeling the first feeling :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Really feel for you Ross- you need to grieve the loss of the t relationship, therefore the lack of emotion then getting angry etc. I think asking for a recommendation is a good plan - and be super kind to yourself. Xxxxx Hi thx snow, I had a super blub earlier, then it sort of went away and feeling a bit flat now. I would really like another schema therapist, so maybe she will know another one. Hope so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 its mad isn't it - we feel these feelings then we create another feeling - i.e. guilt - for feeling the first feeling Feelings about feelings, bane of my life! Meta-emotions I think they call them. I suppose the challenge is pushing the 'judgment' feelings to one side and just being able to feel the main one ... not always that easy though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 OK well I just looked up sort of official schema therapists in the UK, the only one I saw in my local area is the one from the NHS. Bit galling, because the CMHT is literally 50 yards up the road, but I would have to get a referral to him. Sent him an email to see if he knows of any other private ones, and have also made appt with doctor to ask about a referral to the psych, going onto referral for group. Prolly take effing ages to happen but ... sigh. There is also a male client centred counsellor in the area which might be an option, he is also cheaper at 40 quid a session. Not going back to CBT, think I have exhausted that path. Not sure about psychoanalytic as have done so much work already along that type of stuff. Shall have to see whats out there, maybe there are some ACT therapists, not sure. I think I need something that is emotions focused, rather than being overly behavioural or thinkie thoughting type therapy. I think a bloke therapist would be good for me, though they are harder to find. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILostHer Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 As you mentioned that your therapist was private could the company she worked for not suggest another for you? Or did she work alone? I will probably be hated for saying this....but I am not so sure asking her to recommend another therapist is the best way to go about it. I'm only saying this because my dad lost his wife a week and a half ago and watching him grieve I just don't think someone that close to grieving would be the best person to ask. Just out of sensitivity for her, she may well after her grieving process email you to find out if you found someone else and could maybe recommend someone then. Sorry if that is a horrible thing to say to you. Arghh I shouldn't have replied but I just so feel for her I do hope you find a therapist to replace her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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