purple-chick Posted May 21, 2011 Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 ok well, iv been stuck indoors for days now. so long i cant actually remember how long think this will be my 6th day. iv been quite poorly this week, so have just been resting up! but now im a little bit better, everyone is saying i should get out.... prob is, the longer i stay in for, the more i build up anxiety about facing the world again!! does anyone else get this?? if so how do you overcome it?? do you just force yourself to go out? or do you just wait until you feel like you have to go out?? iv gotta go to hospital monday anyway, for my gastroscopy, so i feel like i may aswell just wait til then! :huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 21, 2011 Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 Hulo The technical name for this is avoidance, and there does seem to be a proven link between avoidance and an increase in anxiety. Its because the less you place yourself in a situation, the more the mind can chunter on its own predictions of the bad things that might happen. With no external 'disconformation' it only has its own info to go on, so you feel more anxious. That is a really basic way of looking at it though and there's an awful lot more to it than that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple-chick Posted May 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 thanx ross, so basically... the longer i dont go out for the more anxious i will get about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted May 21, 2011 Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 Yup I get this Purpley. My Dr diagnosed Social anxiety disorder, because when I do go out I avoid any situation that is a big group of people. especially if they know me. At my worst I didn't leave my flat for nearly 2 weeks, in the end it was a friend coming over and forcing me out of the house to go and see a rugby match in a local pub that got me out of the flat. I am always told I should go for walks etc but I am not an ambler, i need a purpose to my walk or to going out other wise what's the point? The most I can force myself to do is go to the supermarket when I run out of milk for my tea or something. When I was in the UK it was far too easy to do everything over the internet and get it delivered. Where I am now its not so easy (I don't think they have heard of home delviery or online shopping for groceries lol). If you don't feel able to go out or have no one to go with to help you then leave it till monday. Hope you're ok BDxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple-chick Posted May 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 thanx hun, sometimes i go through periods where im out none stop, then i go through periods where i dont wanna go out at all... guess it maybe to do with the ups and downs of my bpd, as everything seems to be all or nothing with me!! I am always told I should go for walks etc but I am not an ambler, i need a purpose to my walk or to going out other wise what's the point? The most I can force myself to do is go to the supermarket when I run out of milk for my tea or something. When I was in the UK it was far too easy to do everything over the internet and get it delivered. Where I am now its not so easy (I don't think they have heard of home delviery or online shopping for groceries lol). yeh i feel the same about going for walks!!!! lol and for the past 3 weeks i have got my shopping delivered!!! so where abouts do you live now then, if the dont do online shopping?? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 21, 2011 Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 thanx ross, so basically... the longer i dont go out for the more anxious i will get about it? Possibly, with any of these sort of general things its worth having a look to see if it applies to you by watching your feelings. However the upside to this is when you go out and feel anxious, its possible to say to yourself "the world hasnt really got any more dangerous, its just that my mind thinks it has". Sort of treat your mind like a scareded pet, and say "its ok, I know you are scared, we will just go for a little walk, its alright". Then there is a possibility you can let the anxious feelings come up and know that they are a product of the mind, as opposed to being an indicator of definite impending doom. Like any of these things though its not going to help the first time, its like the mind learns very slowly and also has its own ways of finding the scary, amplifying small indicators of danger. It tends to produce a very powerful, believable illusion that you feel in your body. You cant stop it, but you can see that more often than not, it is an illusion. The hard part is seeing through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted May 21, 2011 Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 I live in Luxembourg. Lovely small country but a little strange. Here everyone mainly goes to a bakery, butcher and market for fruit and veg rather then the supermarket. But most supermarkets do havea bar attached for the hubbies to sit and wait for their wives to do the shopping lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple-chick Posted May 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 Possibly, with any of these sort of general things its worth having a look to see if it applies to you by watching your feelings. However the upside to this is when you go out and feel anxious, its possible to say to yourself "the world hasnt really got any more dangerous, its just that my mind thinks it has". Sort of treat your mind like a scareded pet, and say "its ok, I know you are scared, we will just go for a little walk, its alright". Then there is a possibility you can let the anxious feelings come up and know that they are a product of the mind, as opposed to being an indicator of definite impending doom. Like any of these things though its not going to help the first time, its like the mind learns very slowly and also has its own ways of finding the scary, amplifying small indicators of danger. It tends to produce a very powerful, believable illusion that you feel in your body. You cant stop it, but you can see that more often than not, it is an illusion. The hard part is seeing through it. i think the most annoying thing i find (as i said to dagger) is that i go from being out none stop and not wanting to be home, to being home all the time and not wanting to leave... all or nothing. i just wish i could have a nice balance x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple-chick Posted May 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 I live in Luxembourg. Lovely small country but a little strange. Here everyone mainly goes to a bakery, butcher and market for fruit and veg rather then the supermarket. But most supermarkets do havea bar attached for the hubbies to sit and wait for their wives to do the shopping lol a bar attached... how cool!!! lol x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted May 21, 2011 Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 I get like that, my parents think i am crazy for not wanting to go out every day but i just don't want to. with me its partly coz i get tired and i kind of want to save my energy and i am afraid of ending up in hospital again but also i am scared of seeing people. I think it would be ok to wait til monday, like you say you have been ill and it is good to rest up especialy as going out iwill probably to take more out of you than it will out of most ppl and i would be thinking of saving my energy for Monday. its weird with me, sometimes the longer i leave it, the worse i feel but other times its like if something bad happens and i can't go out, i often will get over it and forget about being scared I hope you are better now xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple-chick Posted May 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 thanx em, my mum has dragged me round hers, but its only 5 mins away, and she picked me up and is gonna drop me off, so i havnt gotta contend with driving aswell. she asked if i wanted to go out somewhere, but i said - noooooo!! lol xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted May 21, 2011 Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 hi i havent read all the replies so i may be repeating stuff i used to 'wait' until i was ready. the trouble with that was the time rarely ever came! wait, wait, wait. id go out in the middle of the night (we had a 24/7 garage that sold alcohol 24/7 as well ) and id go out at 6 am to the newsagents next door, all in order to avoid the real world. part of it was for me as well was that my flat was such a state i was terrified of going out/in the flat when someone like the electric man/landlord was there. once, i came back from group and saw the landlords car outside. i sat in a bus stop for almost 2 hours so as not to have to see him when we were moving me out of the flat, pie took me to the flat. the landlord was there. i refused to go in. made poor pie sit an wait for about an hour and a half only to not go in an to return later. that fear, listening at ur door if anyone is outside or in the building. the fear of approaching what should be ur home but ur terrified in case u see anyone. the dreaded knock on the door, buzz of the buzzer. lol the landlord got painters in the paint the buildings interior and the flat doors. they were there for FOUR weeks - from 8am to 6pm - UGH! i had braved going out in the day when they had gone on their lunch break only to return and have one of the painters tell me they wanted to paint my door. thats fine, i said. they then said they needed me to open my door so they could get the edges i said ok. went back in me flat. then just didnt go out again for days didnt open the door musta looked like a right weirdo - well, i guess i was ive lived the waiting game. and it IS NOT reliable. waiting is sooooooo much worse than facing whatever it is. i know its hard to 'push through' when u really dont feel like it, but its all we have. i eventually accepted i dont like going out, socialising, ill always suffer social anxiety. when i accepted that, i relieved pressure from myself. i could go out IF i wanted to, socialise IF i wanted to. ive also learnt that 'fake it til ya make it' can work. pretend u wanna be there (the pub, friends house etc) an it may well turn out u have a really good time. or at least not a bad as time as u imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple-chick Posted May 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 hey toast, thanx for the reply well iv braved it round to my mums, dont really wanna be here, but atleast i didnt have to contend with driving aswell, as she picked me up and is gonna drop me off! we are just about to have a chinese xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legs Posted May 21, 2011 Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 I understand the not wanting to go out thing. I have days at a time were I just stay in and even if I have no food I'll just eat rice or pasta the whole time. I don't like the walk for the sake of it. I need to be going somewhere or doing something. I'm changing my living situation to try and help change that. Forcing myself out. By moving into a camper van. That might be a bit extreme for some, but I've found the only time I'm happy without trying is when I'm camping. Plus I will have no choice but to be out as I won't have a place to hide in. But until then I've been only able to use the I have no food reason to get out. But you get yours delivered so maybe some other need you can't go without can force you. If forcing is what works for you. I also try and go hang at a friends house that understands how I feel and will just let me be there and I at least have gotten out of my house. I do understand how you feel. <<<HUGS>>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple-chick Posted May 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 thanx for the reply legs hope moving into a camper will make you happy then hun. yeh iv got so bad recently, that iv stopped even using the excuse that i need fags as a reason to go out... as i either order a load with my shopping, or if i forget then i ask someone to bring some round for me see its so strange, cos when im at home i dont wanna go out... but once im out i dont wanna go home again!!! im so fucked up!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prelude Posted May 21, 2011 Report Share Posted May 21, 2011 I too have spurts where I can go out socialising with old friends from college, then suddenly I want to isolate myself – I’ll even reject their phone calls and make excuses as to why I no longer want to go out with them. It’s all based on my mood, if I’m on all-time high, I can go out and have good fun. If I’m feeling down, I always come to the conclusion that my mates will “reject me”, I make the assumption they’re talking about me behind my back, criticising me… partially caused by mild paranoia perhaps?. I then often question why I’m never invited to nights out with them, probably because I only socialise with them once in a blue moon. For me, I prefer routine. I work Monday to Friday full time, and spend most of my weekends in the house. It’s troublesome for me to make an effort to go out with friends on a regular basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legs Posted May 22, 2011 Report Share Posted May 22, 2011 I don't think your fucked up for that. I wondered about that for me, too. I hated going home after I managed to get myself out. Maybe I was afraid of falling into the, "hide out", pattern or maybe it just wasn't the right home for me. It did start to feel a bit like a cage for me. Like I was trapped. But, when I got in there I was comfortable and I knew no one could bother me or judge me. I hope you find the balance and the thoughts that keep you in don't take over. Maybe if you find comfort somewhere else, besides home, it could be a start. Good luck and if you'd like to contact me to ask about my attempt, by moving, and how it's going. Please feel free. :-) <<<HUGS>>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted May 22, 2011 Report Share Posted May 22, 2011 I am waiting for shopping to be delivered, 12-2 so almost 2 so should come soon, point is that at weekends when i am alone even seeing the delivery man disturbs me, I dont go out, dont see anyone, yet i can go to work or out with children with little anxiety. cant see the point in going out by myself or with friends, hope this makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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