hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Hi Just got a text from my dad to say that my grandad died last night. Just had a bit of a cry, then the old wall came up and shut the emotions off again. Its strange, I wasnt really ever close to him, and like most of the family I barely knew him, he was very much a closed book. He was in his 90's and had been suffering from dementia, so we lost him even more over the last few years. I suppose maybe I regret that I was always so far away geographically, regret that my own emotional problems made it so hard to do much more to connect. I had been thinking about him lately, I suppose feeling sad that it was a relationship that didnt really exist, one I wish had. I saw him at christmas, and although most of what he was saying didnt make any sense, he suddenly remembered that when I was little I had got an A in something, I suppose it was like a feeling of finding out he had cared, had been interested on some level. Thats what keeps coming back right now and is making me sad, I suppose its more the loss of something that I wanted but couldn't really have. Am also worried about funeral arrangements. I have never been to one, I know I am going to be hugely emotional, and my family generally isnt emotional, so I am scared about that. Also that my mum and sister will be there, who I haven't spoken to in 3 years. So just lots of different feelings floating around, needed to write it out. Ta for reading Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aurorablues Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 I'm so sorry for your loss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 :hug2: im sorry about this rossy it must be extremely worrying for u seeing your mum and sister - keep talking here, we here for you toast xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Hi thx guys I think my feelings have moved on to being worried about my dad. He is another slightly closed person emotionally, but I know from a sort of breakthrough of feelings a while back that things with his dad hurt a lot, so I am not sure how he will be feeling. Grandad couldnt move from his bed, and lived his life in one room. He couldnt move. In some ways I wonder if its a release for Grandad, and possibly Dad might feel that way too ... but I dont want to say that out loud because he may just be feeling more the loss, or maybe just be numb over it all. Its tough because emotional expression just isnt something my family really does, it feels weird to feel strong emotions around them. In some ways therapy has alienated me a bit from them because I have got so used to being able to express certain feelings .. I guess I just dont want to make him feel awkward. I am guessing he will probably go into organisation mode, thats what he usually does, so will find out about the funeral tonight probably. There's also just a little tinge of anger, though it feels selfish to say it, and that has to do with recently losing my therapist too. It was someone else's loss, which makes me feel guilty to say it, but there's still that little bit of me that feels angry, like why two in one month? I know theres no reason to it, just feel angry is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 so sorry to here you news, take care xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillv Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 I'm sorry for your loss, Ross. You are bound to go on a roller coaster of feelings over the next few days, but at least you are able to feel and express them now. Just try not to analyse everything too much. Take care xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Thank you Christine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 I'm sorry for your loss, Ross. You are bound to go on a roller coaster of feelings over the next few days, but at least you are able to feel and express them now. Just try not to analyse everything too much. Take care xx Hi there Yeah you're right, my emotions seem to be moving so quickly on it. Feel like I could talk for hours kind of thing, and the subject would change every 5 minutes ... Thx for the post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bundy117 Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Hi, my aunt died 8 days ago now , i have funeral on wednesday. If you want to talk to me feel free. Big hugs x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul_c Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 sorry to hear about your loss, and also about the dementia as well. i dont know whats worse. watching someone go by inches into someone else or them just going. im watching family do that at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Sorry to hear this sad news Xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Hi, my aunt died 8 days ago now , i have funeral on wednesday. If you want to talk to me feel free. Big hugs x Hi Bundy Sorry to hear this has happened in your life too, thank you for the hugs :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Thanks to all who are posting Just came back from a walk, went to the pet shop and had a look in the fluff corner. Saw some bun buns, a couple were being bought and one tried to escape from the shop bloke, made a dive and landed right in the carry box. We both went "good shot, bunny". Also bought some more coffee from ASDA. So windy outside. At the mo not feeling too emotional, seems to sort of come in waves. Have bought my Gran a bereavement card, will write that and go post it when the wind calms down a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Hi Ross. I m sorry to read your sad news. And that you are worried about the funeral & seeing some family members. I hope it dosen't upset you too much. You have support & friends here. Take care, xx am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 I am sorry for your loss. I can remember before I went to my first funeral, I was worried, because I presumed that everyone would cry constantly and there would be huge outpourings of grief. In reality, in the funerals I've been to, sure there has been tears and LOTS of sadness, but its also ok to smile occasionally and to show warmth as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Sorry for your loss hun. My grandad died a few weeks ago so I know how horrible it can be. Big hugs xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Hi Ross I'm sorry to hear your sad news. As the other's said, we are here for you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 im so sorry to hear all this ross.hugs to you.here if you need to talk xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Hi guys Am feeling ok at the mo, had a good cry earlier on, so I dont know if thats helped me move past it or if there's more to come and things. Feeling a bit depressed I suppose, some anxiety and feeling a bit lonely, though thats not much different to usual. Will keep an eye on it and post if anything else comes up. Very much appreciate the support and stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boobsticle Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Heya Rossy Really sorry to hear this, any death is horrible to cope with, let alone one in your family. You seem to be coping really well all things considered so well done you. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted May 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Heya Rossy Really sorry to hear this, any death is horrible to cope with, let alone one in your family. You seem to be coping really well all things considered so well done you. Hiya Yeah I am not sure really. A couple of weeks back I lost my therapist and it was sort of similar - shock, then it sank in and a I cried for about a minute, then it was like the shutters went up and didn;t feel anything much else in relation to it. I did find myself wondering if she might email me to say she is coming back to therapy, and sort of went through a bit of thinking I saw her on the street and stuff, so I dont know. As others say maybe its just best to let it do whatever its going to do. I feel like I should be feeling more, but just kind of feel washed out instead. Maybe sleeping on it will help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boobsticle Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Maybe by focusing so much on what you think you should be feeling and wondering why you're not feeling it, you're preventing yourself from actually feeling. I've noticed that sometimes with grief, I assume I should be distraught etc and I end up being too busy thinking about feeling to actually feel. I don't know, just a suggestion. Sleepsies and some TLC will help you for now, it's been a long old day for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drybones Posted May 23, 2011 Report Share Posted May 23, 2011 Sorry to hear this dude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 Sorry for your loss Ross. I found the death of my Gran really hard to cope with (she died 7 years ago now) and in hindsight I think he reason it was so hard was because it was the first death I had suffered of immediate family. I was much like you up, down and all over the place. I cried my eyes out throughout the service, but I didn't care. I fell apart but I loved my Gran so much. She was a great lady and I used to go spend time there (weeks at a time) in the summer holidays just to escape home life. Grandparents bring so much into our lives, they are a great loss. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted May 24, 2011 Report Share Posted May 24, 2011 hey rossy buns i'm really sorry for ur loss. i have lost so many in my life all grandparents and more i handeled each different and finally found my way i wrote a goodbye letter and a wish and attached it to a balloon n let if go n before that step perhaps watch dumbo ? here i'll give u my ballon http://media.photobucket.com/image/bunny%20balloons/snakewich/Balloons/FunnyBunny3.jpg?o=3 take care friend xxxxx :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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