lucy Posted June 4, 2005 Report Share Posted June 4, 2005 Do you? have you ever stalked someone? turned up at there home just to sit outside, write letters, ring then put down the phone just so you can hear there voice, turn up at there work to see if there car is there? I do, and if you did and dont know how it you stop? i ring people and they make light of the whole situation. I need to know im not alone as i feel i am going mad Lucy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted June 4, 2005 Report Share Posted June 4, 2005 Lucy there is a thread in the therapist colum about someone stalking their therapist. sorry I can't remember the name of the thread. Maybe you should read it. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted June 4, 2005 Report Share Posted June 4, 2005 Not stalked exactly. But became obsessive. Hanging out where I thought I might bump into them,walking the long way round via there work place/home to get to somewhere that was really a completely different way.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kraaken Posted June 4, 2005 Report Share Posted June 4, 2005 yes I have to admit I've done it, eventually it just kindof tailed off either because I moved away for work or I "got real" about it, realised what I was doing was pointless and odd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy Posted June 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2005 yes thanks bets the thread was started by me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted June 4, 2005 Report Share Posted June 4, 2005 yep. i do it :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debs Posted June 4, 2005 Report Share Posted June 4, 2005 afraid im like ex i get obbssed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted June 4, 2005 Report Share Posted June 4, 2005 write them letters. send them things. call their phone even though you know they wont answer. call just to hear their voicemail or answer phone. text them even though you know they wont reply. keep calling them even when they have changed their number and it hurts like hell when you hear that "number not recognised" voice, because you know it's because of WHAT YOU DID. send them pizzas and taxis. call them at 3am. call them every hour. text again if they dont reply within one minute. because it must mean they dont like me, they dont want me, they hate me. right, now i'm gonna threaten suicide, that'll teach them.... THIS IS RIDICULOUS. stop this. only i cant. i have no control. someone is FORCING me to do it. i HAVE to call him, i HAVE to text him. i NEED him. i CANNOT LIVE without this man. that's what my mind is like when i get obsessed :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CathE Posted June 5, 2005 Report Share Posted June 5, 2005 most of the time i spend here is to avoid doing exactly those things Cath. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy Posted June 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2005 the more shitty my day is the more i want to sit outside his house, but all it does is make it hurt even more I know when i see my cpn she will say i have choices, i dont have to do this. Logic tells me i dont have to, but thats where logic and me part This really hurts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CathE Posted June 5, 2005 Report Share Posted June 5, 2005 anything u could do to make your day less shitty? i play music and sing u need a plan of how you will get through the rest of the day, keeping busy. . . . any ideas? Cath. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted June 5, 2005 Report Share Posted June 5, 2005 Lucy, I think you and I have talked about this before. I am very familiar with the feelings that make us want to call just to hear their voice, call, call, look for their house, send letters, leave message on voicemail; all things that we get absolutely no feedback for so why do we do it? I have never found out why, but it has gotten better for me just in the last couple weeks. I have not made a call to the bad therapist's home since the 22nd of May and only call his work voicemail a few times a week now. Though I have directions to his home and even a satalite photo of the area, I never did go so far as to go to his home. I did come very, very close though, and actually had a plan as to what I'd do when I got there. I once had a fantasy that I would see him in the men's department at Sears and as he held up a pair of trousers, I'd walk up to him with a knife an open him up from his bellybutton up to his chest so I know that it was getting dangerous...I have had a very, very good t since last November, and have called his home just to hear his voice, but I don't stay on the line to hear him say hello repeatedly as I do the bad t. I just call and hope he'll answer and it gives me comfort to know that he's real and alive somewhere. I've not done that in almost two weeks I think. He doesn't have voicemail, but uses an answering service, so I don't have the option of calling and listening to his voice over and over. He once left a message on my home phone and I listened to that 100 times but had to delete it in case my husband would figure out that I was hooked on a recording of a voice. He once left one on my cell phone that I cherished, but my voicemail only keeps messages for a week or two then they are automatically deleted, so I lost that. But as much fun as it has been to remember all this, my point was to tell you that the obsession can go away - it seems to be for me, with good medication and a good t who is patient and understanding and doesn't make huge demands that the behavior stop immediately. I think that I spend more and more time trying to remember what he said in session and trying to live better between sessions, and that time has taken away from my stalking time. It's a painful thing to go through Lucy, I know, but it can get better. Good luck. XXX Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted June 5, 2005 Report Share Posted June 5, 2005 when my friend, leon changed his mobile number, i started obsessively trying to find out where he lived. i went on bt.com and typed in his surname. i knew which postcode, but not where he lived. i started calling all the people on the list. there were 22. i did it from my mobile. i just asked if leon was there. obviously i got a lot of wrong numbers. i gave up after about 10 because i just felt like shit for doing it. i had printed out a whole list. i went to the library and looked in the phone book for his area. not listed. the only address i had was his work one. so many times i nearly went there. wtf was i doing? eventually i phoned my mht and told them everything. i told them i was gonna get on a train and find him. i was at the station. they said, "do you have to be brought home in a police car for this to stop?" and that's when it really hit me. i walked home with my face to the ground. i couldnt look anyone in the eye. i was so ashamed of all that i had done to him. it still hurts me now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tigha Posted June 5, 2005 Report Share Posted June 5, 2005 :bigarmhug[1]: Lucy pinky It all sounds so so painful,reminds me when I used to hang out on street cormers for staff all the time,hanging around for hours just incase they came by Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy Posted June 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 I didnt go las night i sat and watched a film and cried in the bath instead. I have all the letters i want to send them but i still have them, i will send them i want him to know how i feel All my cpn says is i have choices and i dont have to do this, I wanted to overdose outside his house guess he would have to help me then, im obessed. Im not on any medication i stuck between my gp and shrink, shrink wont give me anything as he doesnt feel that it helps the gp just refers me to my shrink. They see an inteligent well dressed mother of 2 they dont see the mess and confusion that my head is in. They say stop like i can turn this of. My friend who is in hospital just jokes and says she will be visting me in prison next I dont want to harm him i just want him to take me home so we can live happily ever after v-v-sad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted June 6, 2005 Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 I wanted to overdose outside his house guess he would have to help me then, im obessed. I have been just like thgis with people I have created in my mind as father figures. Fucked up thing is that it allways ends up with them being pushed away not drawn in closer. Would of thought I would have learnt that by now. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swan Posted June 6, 2005 Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 (((((((((((((((((Lucy)))))))))))))))))))))) It is very, very hard, but it is not at all unusual. But whenever I feel myself drifting (hurtling?) into that sort of behaviour or even feelings, I always remember the movie 'Fatal Attraction' Not because I was ever like that, but crucially, because that is in fact sometimes what others will see - tell your mental health team because that is what they should know. I'm so sorry for you - this is such pain, and there isn't really any way of making it go away except over time. Wish I could say more to help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy Posted June 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 My mental health team know, there advice "stop it" *shrugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted June 6, 2005 Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 lucy, i know EXACTLY how you feel, i swear i have really managed to learn to deal with it, trust me, it can be done. i used to try not calling/texting for one hour, then 2 hours, and so on... eventually i realised i could do 24 hours, then a week... you dont stop thinking, but you stop the actions at least. and it does hurt like hell. but keeping on doing it hurts too, right? you are worth so much more than this man you are obsessed by. i know my mht were USELESS when i told them what had happened, and they didnt even try to help, but i just realised that what i was doing was not only illegal, but getting very serious and hurting me like hell. you CAN do this, lucy. here if you wanna chat take care pinks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy Posted June 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 thankyou pinky. he was my old shrink Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted June 6, 2005 Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 do you wanna chat? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy Posted June 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 thankyou hun but im off out to see a friend in a unit Then Dr Alis house, just have to feel really crap, i feel better when i see his house. I will however try not to Thanks everyone for this support it really means i lot, i have no outside help but knowing im not alone and knowing that some off you have beaten this means alot. thankyou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy Posted June 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 thankyou hun but im off out to see a friend in a unit Then Dr Alis house, just have to feel really crap, i feel better when i see his house. I will however try not to Thanks everyone for this support it really means i lot, i have no outside help but knowing im not alone and knowing that some off you have beaten this means alot. thankyou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted June 6, 2005 Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 here if you wanna talk. pm me if you want take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kraaken Posted June 6, 2005 Report Share Posted June 6, 2005 the way I beat it in the past was to visualise all the personal characteristics I imagine they would admire me for and then step into it, that way it was quite positive; I knew the last thing they would do was admire me for being obsessive so I managed in the end to avoid that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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