blackdagger82 Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 I had my first appointment with a therapist today and it was extreamly frightening to begin with. I was in with the therapist for 90 minutes and she was really lovely, we talked a lot about my social anxiety and once i started talking it all just came pouring out in a totally incoherant mess but she said it all made sense. She said that I was clearly tense and wound up and had a number of problems and issues to work through and that she thinks she can help but it is small steps and we will review after 6 weeks to see if it is helping. She is going to talk to a former Colleague of hers about possibly having some in patient treatment especially for the eating and SH problems. I feel ok about it but the idea of inpatient treatment is quite scary. She gave me homework to write down 3 realistic goals for the day and rate out of 10 how well I think i did in achieving those goals, and to write down 3 positive things happened in the day. Thank you everyone for the lovely messages of support yesterday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Hi glad to hear you had a positive experience with the T. Hope you will get the support you truely need. xxB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thanks Bumble. At the moment not particularly eager for the inpatient treatment but that is still only a possiblity at this stage. There may well be an outpatients clinic I can go to. Just want to get absloutly hammered now so that I am not thinking for the rest of the day and over analysing the session. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntt14 Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Don't beat yourself up BD, it sounds like it went really well and that you managed to get it all out which you were worried you wouldn't be able to do.So just concentrate at how well you did today and feel proud of yourself. I know you're scared of what comes next, but you were scared of today and still proved yourself wrong and did brilliantly. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thanks Ntt14 I just want to not think tonight otherwise I will over analyse the session and what I said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 hi i write down the first few things that i think of from the session. also feel absolutely shattered afterward also have drank afterwards,which did help at all. so glad it went well, as she said small steps xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 I don't feel exhausted but this is the first time in 3 days that I am not shaking like a leaf. I have thought about my 3 positives for today and I have only thought of 2 so far: 1. Making it to the appointment with the therapist 2. Having lunch with friends and not freaking out over what to eat. Not sure about my third yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 am glad u got to get there BD im not meant to do ur homework for u i know but is the fact u found 2 good things a good thing in itself? when do u see her next? toast x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 I guess your right Toast. LOL My next appointment is next week on Tuesday. I will be seeing her once a week for now, which is going to be expensive as it is 90 euro a session. Trying to stay positive about today, It was a good day! *repeats over and over to herself* :blahblah1: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galupy Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 one of my friends challenged me to do the 3 things a day. whilst it's fallen by the way side, anything, no matter how small it is, can be a positive thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Well done BD - you did do brilliantly. I think i said yday baby steps on your road to recovery, you have taken a few steps today honey. I think the main thing here is someone has listened to you and what you had to say, she will keep listening so although expensive, you cant really put a cost on your health and recovery, what the school or your insurance help with it or say first 6 sessions? I understand that the thought of inpatient treatment terrifies you but it is only one option of a few available and you remain in control with the choice of whats best for you. Try and relax with your friends and take one day at a time - your'e doing great Maddie xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thanks Maddie I am not sure on the insurence part but I am going to ask when I go back on Monday. The inpatient part is scary as this would be fully admitting that I couldn't deal with this on my own and I had to be hospitalised. I also find it hard as the Dr's keep asking me what I want to do but to be honest I haven't got a clue. I need to feel in control of everything but in this case I just want someone to tell what I need to do to make myself better, physically, mentally and just generally. I know there is no magic wand but just someone saying "Try this it may help you feel more normal and less frustrated" would be good. BDxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Wow BD i know what you are saying - that is exactly how i feel - scary!!! I think the inpatient bit you would be still in control - u are not being sectioned you are being asked voluntarily if you want to go in to get the help and you could leave at any time - you are still in control sweetie. How do you feel now? Maddie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 I am feeling ok, but then I have had 4 beers lol I am still unsure about things but I am trying not to think about things tonight. My sister is going to ring me in a bit so talking through thing with her might help as well. I know that if I do have to go into hospital it would be voluntary but it is admitting to everyone that I couldn't cope at all that frightens me. At least with therapy I am just saying I need support. Hospitalisation is saying that I couldn't so it even with support. Does that make sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Hi BD Am i getting it right that if you go to outpatient then it sounds better than being in hospital? I would just try and keep an open mind about your treatment options - they have to be the right thing for you and what you are happy to try even if you are scared - I am petrified about my therapy as it seems to reinforce what is wrong and what i can't handle - its another example of another imperfection about me. I do think its helping though so wil keep going whilst it is doing that. I hope you have a good chat with your sister - we are all thinking of you honey Maddie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 Thanks Maddie I am trying to keep an open mind on treatments and not to let what other people will think to effect my thinking either, but it is hard. The therapist said that it is likely to get harder before it gets better as I will have to face things that I don't want to or find hard to face, which I am not looking forward to. Bd xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ntt14 Posted May 31, 2011 Report Share Posted May 31, 2011 But don't you see BD that, if you feel you want to follow the treatment advice, that you are not admitting that you can't cope. You're showing that you are strong enough to face it, fight it and find your way forward. Believe in yourself, you can do it xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 So glad you went and the meeting went well xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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