manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 just a stupid whingy post, sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Hi Manja, know what you mean about keeping up pretences - first day back at work tomorrow - gotta put the mask on, be professional, wear the smile say i'm fine and be the person everyone expects me to be.Inside i feel like a black hole. What are you keeping up pretences about honey? Maddie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 sorry hun it was just silly and moany, but thank you for replying and i know what u mean x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Hi Manja You know i am always here if you need to chat - I never think anything you have to say is silly or whingy matey - up to you though xx Big hugs Maddiex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 i'm sorry hun. just sometimes no matter what i do its still too hard. sorry x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 yeah, definitely too hard. i'm nothing after all. i was right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 all just too fucked up and it always will be. may as well just give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 still never be good enough. and nothing's ever right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 no idea what the bloody point is anymore. not gonna keep pretending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 see nothing ever changes. ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 can i give up now please? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 don't care anymore. sorry. i'll go now. sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Hey Manja Don't go away please. Keep posting I am here to listen if you need me to. you gave me some great advice this morning and last night. I wish I could do the same for you but will have to settle for a great big virtual hug BD xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 i'm sorry. i'm grateful to you for being there. so grateful. but where does it end? when does it change? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 I wish I had the answer hun I talked about this with my therapist today and she said how with mental illness it is so hard as you can't see it and there isn't a treatment that is a magic cure as Mental Illness isn't cured its managed. I agree but I don't like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 i know hun. round and round in circles. and still stuck being me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 this wasn't supposed to be this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 I don't know the answers Manja - these are questions that i keep asking myself and still not finding them. All i know one hour at a time, one day at a time, keeping going is hard but i have to try - not going to let this bloody illness win. I am so fucked off with it all and what it does but there are people worse off than me so why i can keep fighting, i will keep going.. Manja - i know today in particular it feels like all around is dark and all seems lost but please keep safe, keep posting, keep looking for those little glimmers of light, little bits of humour you find for us and we all support each other to keep up the fight for people to understand us and the terrible effects it has on us all - but we are a tough bunch of cookies who don't take no shit. Big hugs and love for ya Manja - take care maddie xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 (((((Manja)))) sorry i don't know what to say xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 i don't want to be mentally ill anymore. i know that's stating the obvious, i know none of us do, but i need to say it. i have no one else to tell. might ring samaritans tonight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 Hi Manja, I don't think anyone wants to be mentally ill - I keep saying with all the other stuff going on in my life I haven't got time for a mental illness! Someone who is christian once said to me that God only gives those these burdens who can handle it it - if thats the case and i don;t want to be blampheous or offend anyone but there better be something good for me in the afterlife - my life feels better than a series of Eastenders!! Hope you get some comfort from the Samaritans - I spoke to someone lovely when i was low and they really helped me. Nighty night Manja Maddie xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 this was what the first post in this thread said before i freaked about being a moaner, moaning about nothing. hey just want to get this out of my head if its ok. my manager is leaving next week, moving on to a new job. i will miss him but i'm happy for him cos its what he wants. this opens up new opportunities for me, to take on more responsibility, and i'm currently in talks with management about what will happen now he's leaving. i'm chuffed that they're considering me, and that they're more or less letting me work towards his job. its great considering its only four months since i had a breakdown, and is not even three months since i was last in psychiatric hospital (they know all about it, and have been very supportive). work has been what has kept me going, and its barely affected my work, in a way its made me better at it, cos i often just throw all my energies into work. its not that they're offloading work on to me, or putting pressure on me, this is what i want. i don't want my mh issues to hold me back in my career, cos they shouldn't, and i know i will be good at the job. but its getting to me a bit cos i feel like i can't just give up anymore. i feel like i can't just have a bad day. i feel like i have to keep up pretences at least until i get the job sorted. i know i'm going to be great at this job, but sometimes i feel like i want to just scream at them 'how can you even take me seriously? can't you see that i'm just a struggling mess? why would you even think about giving me such a serious job, when all i wanna do is give up on everything, and who knows how long it'll be before that happens?' it's just such a bloody struggle sometimes keeping up the pretence isn't it. i want the job, but i want to just be a struggling mess too. which i am, i just don't let them see it. they know how i am and how i've been, but i feel like i've to pretend to be fine until i get the job sorted, and jeez its such a struggle keeping up the pretence. so bloody draining!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted June 7, 2011 Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 I think ypu deserve the job Manja and do you know what they know that you would be bloody brilliant at it thats why they are considering you!!! So what if you have a bad day??? Even people without MH problems have bad days and as you said you love the work and it keeps you going and motivates you. Bearing all that in mind i have a quite stressful management job and it is exhausting trying to keep it all together and its a balance between being challenged and loving it or having a less stressful job but bored and not being challenged. You have a couple of options Trial period at new level? Job sharing new role? OR Staying as you are if thats what you want to do - there will be more opportunities again in your career if you don't feel ready yet - there's no rush. Whatever you and work decide be confident that work know about your past problems and they still want to consider - what a compliment matey!!!!! You are in control and whatever you decide we will be right here too Maddie xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted June 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2011 that's lovely maddie time to cry again lol x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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