aylaah Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 :trigger: I have ED-NOS (anorexia symptoms without the underweight identifier, I've always been overweight :s) feel free to ignore I just need to vent this I accidentally hit send on a message to my husband to say I couldn't force myself to eat anything. Now I'm about to get McDonalds and I'm going to eat it because he'll sit right there and watch me. And then I'll feel terrible about it plus we're having a conversation tonight about things like body image and stuff like that. So of course I don't want to eat. I feel so so guilty about the cheese sandwich I snuck yesterday, the palm sized amount of pasta salad I ate the night before. But I know I need to keep tricking my body about what is going in so I will tell myself today is a 'big' food day and it's just to keep things moving along downwards, it'll be better if I have nothing tomorrow then. I don't want my body to get used to not having any food ever and just slow down, and not even let me do that to lose weight. I hate hate hate my post baby body and am struggling with it so badly. I wish I could be pregnant again because I lose weight naturally that way but there is no way i actually want to have another baby any time soon, he's only 9.5 weeks! I lost 25kg during it which is now 31kg, but still have easily 20-25 to go just to be not 'overweight'!!!!! If I wanted to be where I do in my head I have forever to go, to the tune of 45kg :eek: how can I do that? I'm terrified my husband will cheat on me - not leave, but cheat. I don't know which would be worse really. *scream* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderful Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 I don't want to say anything out of turn here, but as you can eat a McDonalds, and just not eat much some days and "trick" your body, that sounds like you have all the ability to just have a healthy diet... cut out crap like McDonalds, eat fruit and veg, lean meats and exercise a bit. Right now, to me, it doesn't sound like you're that far in ED land, and you could potentially save yourself from going too far into this cycle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jnt9822 Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 I know exactly where you are coming from. I know that feeling of getting take out and the things that run through your mind while eating it and then eating it all because a love one is watching you and you don't want to hurt them. I use to do the same things you do . If you have not already done this I suggest getting a counselor and seeing a doctor about these issues as scary as it seems to help with the guilt feeling of eating. Its very painful to go through. I have been there , I hope you are able to get some help . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BPDlkeme Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 OMG, I cant beleive how beautiful your picture is and I only hope that this disease does not take you like t has so many...you r beautiful, please,please dont starve yourself..I know this is a very complex issue, its more about emotions than perception...but will you please try to get better, because I think you r beautiful, and I really want to get to know you! regds, BPDlkeme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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