Struggling With Food Yuck

[canadianbumble]

I'm struggling so much with food. I hate the stuff. I've been told that I need to look at it as medicine that I should at least eat to function if I can't decide what to eat or enjoy it. but I'm even having trouble with that. I've been really good with my purging and haven't for over a week now but then again I've hardly put enough in my body to purge . Today I have eaten an apple so far and that was a chore. I realise my stomach was aching and I'd forgotten to eat. So I went to the fridge and couldn't think . ok so apple healthy at least. Now I know I will have to make dinner like I do every night for my boys but my brain can't think about food I just wish someone else would feed them. Though that would not be practical or realistic. This is my second alcohol free day too and I'm feeling rather restless now. I caught sight of my bulging reflection earlier and my brain just went no food no no no. When I eat something I can never work out whether what I've eaten is realistic so I usually just end up eating half of whatever. I'm really not sure how much I should really be eating at all. What people seem to consider a normal portion just seems monumental to me. :(

[toocrazy]

Relate...

the food the food the food the food

It is always an underlying issue, popping up almost every day. It is hardest on the 'occasion' days when food is a central focus. I hate how everything revolves around it and how much social pressure there is to come together over the meal. I can't believe how much everything revolves around..where will we eat, what will we eat, takeaway or cook, what-how much-when..come around and EAT, go out and EAT..travel and EAT. I hate seeing people eat, I hate large slabs of piled food, I hate food plates after all the eating, I hate the bin filled with scraps of mixed up food--cake on potatoes. I hate being around a bunch of people with their stomachs all filled. I hate people to use my toilet. I hate all the slops on the table, the floor, their tops. I flip out (inside) if someone spills something. My family does nothing but eat. I hate food and hate the social rituals that revolve around it, terrorises me to death. I'm stressed out right now, just feel every invitation is to eat some more. The food, meet for a meal-come over for a meal-what their cooking-what they're having argggggg feel bombarded.

:(