Christine001 Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 roses sorry you felt so bad and glad you had hubbie to comfort you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 ((((Roses))))) We all slip up sometimes. You slipped up yesterday but that doesnt mean you will again today. I know you feel bad but you are doing well, you're trying to fight it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol-E Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 ((((((Roses))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted June 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 Thank you all so much for the hugs and support. I just feel like I'm floating through this day, like I'm not here at all. Hubbie and I had words this morning cos I misunderstood something but it ended up in me saying I wished I was dead cos I couldn't do this anymore and then I saw his face and once again I'm even more not here, just can't handle the fact that I am always hurting him with things like this. I don't scream or shout but I can't control myself with words and I know now I'm sorry and I said sorry but it's all such a mess. One minute I'm ok then next I'm just sobbing or so so angry. I just don't know what's going to happen next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 I feel like that a bit too. For me its kind of like when I do something wrong, its a big disaster and I feel so guilty and horrified by what i've said or did, i feel like nothing can repair it and I just want to be dead so i'll never do anything like that again. Is it like that for you or maybe something similar? Would you be able to explain that? I know to a lot of people wouldn't be able to understand that. It seems to me there are a lot of positive emotions in that, its good not to want to hurt people. I often think if people tell me before i get upset that I havent ruined everything forever, maybe i wouldnt get so upset. But dont worry if its not like that for you or if you don't think its possible. I definately couldnt imagine explaining all this to my parents. (((((Roses))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted June 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 For me, it is all about this mis-communication. It becomes so painful to have the conversation as I am thinking one thing and he is obv. thinking something different but I can't understand him. I get more and more frustrated and we end up in this big discussion (which I hate) and it ends with me saying I wish I was dead or I need to sh, which is stupid and hurtful but it just happens. It's no-one's fault. He doesn't understand me and I don't understand him but cos I am way I am I over-react and literally fail to control my emotions or my mouth at all and end up saying this stuff. For years I used to not say anything and would just go and do it (cut or run away or whatever) so I am guessing it's progress of some kind but I don't know. Last night was horrid I was very upset and I remember talking to Mike one minute and then it was 3am and no idea bout inbetween, I find that losing time really scary still. Wish I could just remember and be normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 27, 2011 Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 ((roses))xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted June 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 Thanks Daisy. Today has been a struggle, it's almost time to make my way to the school gates and it's the evening where parent go in an look at kids work in classrooms (I wish it wasn't today!) so wish me luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 27, 2011 Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 good luck hun xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted June 27, 2011 Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 hope today was tolerable xx communication/mis-communication OH YES BIG trigger - head often gets a bashing ((((roses)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted June 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 Thanks Daisy-girl, I did it and looked in Alora's class. I didn't go in Aran's as he had cricket club and wasn't in there and felt weird looking at his stuff without him there, plus it got pretty busy quite quickly and I kind of grabbed Alora and ran but at least I got to look at some of her stuff, she is doing so well. Yes Walker, the miscommunication is like my head going through a vice. I managed to stay safe today so far and cooked dinner which is good but then I have just been here all day apart from school runs. Thank you both x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted June 28, 2011 Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 ((((roses)))) How are you feeling today? Well done on doing the school stuff last night. and thank you for your never-ending support. Hope today goes ok for you thinking of you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted June 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 28, 2011 Thank you Starry means a lot ((((((((((Starry)))))))))))) today is a bad day for more than one reason, still very low but will be starting a topic in general as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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