bellaboo Posted June 23, 2011 Report Share Posted June 23, 2011 Ok so havent been on for a while have been recovering pretty good it got worse before it got better and slowly started to get into eating habit but once again have hit same place when the weight starts going up i can see how wide my hips bum is and now have started throwing up i know that doesnt make you loose weight just makes me feel bit better eating nornally feels like a binge i hate it i want my will power back. My friend has bad morning sickness and has lost so much weight she was always smaller one of us at school untill we hit our 20s i know its awful to say but im jelous of her weight loose and how i feel around her now thats sooo selfish i know. Not sure what to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellaboo Posted June 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 How do you remove a post i want to take this off. I used to come her for support felt safe and like i could let it out i dont feel that way now. If anyone could tell me how to remove a post please Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 Hi bellaboo I think you can remove a post by hitting the 'edit' button and deleting the post, but if the button is not there, ask a mod, submit a ticket. Now that I have seen your post though, I would like to comment if I may. I have no experience of eating disorders, but I do know that those who have them dislike their bodies. I put on a pair of trousers today that are tighter, which means I have put on a bit of weight, but that's ok, cos I still look ok even with the wobbly and bulgy bits. I am not unhealthily obese, so its all good. Can you look at yourself this way? It seems to me that you have got eating and self esteem a bit distorted and feel guilty for eating. No one should ever feel guilty for eating, and no one should injure themselves for eating. I know its hard not to associate food and our bodies with self esteem, but can you tell yourself that you are a beautiful attractive girl who does not need to make herself sick. I think you can get your willpower back without the use of food. My willpower is weak when it comes to drugs, but I know they don't help, and feel good when I have manged to go without them. I used to be jealous of thinner girls at school, but I was also thin, just bigger boned than them. I now realise that I was equating my self esteem with being petite, when I should have been equating it with how nice a person I am. I hope you dont mind me posting and hope this helps remind you that you are OK without feeling guilty about eating. love sw x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 I'm so sorry you are struggling at the moment. I'm not sure if you want people to comment or not but I just wanted to say that if you do then people will support you the same as they ever did. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellaboo Posted June 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 I just cant believe i started to do this again since recovering ive had periods of restriction but have never untill now returned to throwing up app from the odd one off. Im really sore and im out of my tablets that ease the pain and reflux i now get. I know why its returned because for the first time in years ive eaten things that arent safe and ive treated mysrlf to the idd biscuit all things i haven eaten fir years. I dont eat meals just snacks and maybe small mini meals. I have hit the point were i feel huge again im and have always been obsessed with my legs but also have been strict and was in control of what and when i ate last few weeks ive let that slip now i feel like everythings upside down and confusing. Sorry to ramble on. I thought i had annoyed people on here and didnt get a reply so thpught i should remove myself but when i was on here before it helped. :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted June 27, 2011 Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 bellaboo The fact that you are getting reflux from your actions is another indicator of low self esteem. It is painful and destructive. What do you mean by you've eaten things that aren't safe? If you mean treats, then so what, everyone's allowed. Not eating meals will make your mood lower, we need food not just for physical reasons, but for mental ones too. You say that you have always been obsessed with your legs, could your legs be something you have projected your self-hate onto all this time? If so, can you gently, and with support if needed, find the reason for your self-hate? You haven't rambled on. You have not annoyed me. If it helped when you were on here before, then why not come back on here for more help? Feel free to post anytime you like. love sw x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellaboo Posted June 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 Yeah like treats. When im restricting although i never really see it like that i mainly eat rice cakes and corn flakes but got new diet from duetician and been trying to eat more things healthy things as always but the more i got used to that the more i started to treat mysrlf and had things i never would like biscuits i thought i was wheat intolerant and i do have to be careful to try keep ibs at bay it git really bad last month. But now im freaking out i guess and also my ibs is playing up again i had great two weeks of no pain or gas after a real bad spell were i couldnt leave house so i was happy with that but now because it felt like there was less restriction because my belly was feeling ok i feel like i ve got out of control. Thanks for reply x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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