Christine001 Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 not sure why i am posting because i know its up to me to make the change but i just cant find the spark to get going. i have stayed in bed most of the time, doing the very basics for the children, as i did last week and the week before. tried to their dad to care for them so they werent subject to this but he wouldnt. think i have said all this before. i am going no where, doing nothing and i dont want to. feel i am aready dead, have a weekend with the children to cope with and will try and get them to play with friends as much as possible. drinking at night sometimes doesnt seem to make any difference. seeing cpn for first time on monday, my friend says i hould tell her how little i am doing, so i will i dont care. so if she refers to ss i dont care, wish they would take children away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FuzzyWasHe Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Hi Christine, I know how it feels--like being stuck in a rut. I used to make the choice to sleep instead of doing anything else all the time--actually adds to the depression and makes it a cycle. How do you think the kids are copiing? Do they talk to you about their feelings? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Could you ask for some help with the kids? Maybe they could go to young carers or something similar. It would give them a break and an outlet and give you a break too. When I was struggling with my kids social services did arrange for someone to come and help with the house but this was when my first was a baby. It is unlikely that SS would take your children away they would try and find other solutions first . Could someone come and see you like a support worker? hese people are not menral health peeps but more befrienders, they can help by being an ear or a practical help like someone to get out of the house with or help tidy the house with. I think there are moe options open to you than are being offered and I'd ask your CPN what other help could be available to you, sometimes finding that spark to rev yourself up is really hard on your own. I hope that somehing good comes your way to turn things around for you soon. xxx Bumble :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 I dont want help, noone in my house, making me feel i am useless. i want them out of here, somewhere else yes my children, and want to withdraw from everything. even feel i should not post on here as only few people give a damn and i dont blame them, i am a whinger worthless and useless. shut up chrstine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hedgerose Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Hi Christine, i know that i dont know you but i am certain you are not the terrible mother you think you are. i remember well wishing my tribe were elsewhere too, its normal. i have not got dressed since my OH left to go stay with friends on wednesday, and i'm not sure if i will bother until he comes back sunday. i will probably bribe my daughter to help with the housework tomorrow so it at least looks like ive done something. but right now i could care less. Thing is, in the middle of a downer it is hard to remember life any other way, but its cyclical. This is a bad patch, hang in there till the next good one comes around. Sending you virtual hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 (((Christine))) i know you are struggling, make sure you tell the cpn everything they can help and so can social services there are actitivies that they hold that your kids could go to and maybe they could arrange extra support for you, i really know how you feel kids are such hard work. What age are they? I hope you are ok this weekend i am here anytime.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 I dont have ups any more. been like this for a year, so really i have given up. its not cyclical sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 tonight i fell down the stairs, only 3 but bruised my toes,last week i sprained my ankle,well the bone really, just now i forgot the sofa was moved and sat down and ended up on the floor, my shoulders hurt from other recent accidents. i am a physical aswell as mental mess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Writer Posted June 25, 2011 Report Share Posted June 25, 2011 This is going to sound really stupid, but I promise you - it works. I learned this from a two month course 'Mindful Based Cognitive Therapy', which really helped me with my depression. The fact that 'everything is too much effort' and lying in bed etc. as you know is a symptom of your depression. You need to start a positive feedback loop. The more you stay in bed the worse it becomes, but of course there's just no spark to get you out of bed. It's a vicious circle - we've all been there. Here comes the bit that you will find REALLY stupid. If you wait for that spark, it may never come, so the answer is to get up and do something anyway, no matter how awful you feel. Do it every day and it will start to reverse your negative feedback loop into a positive one. Go for a walk, think of ONE thing you used to enjoy and do it again, even if you don't enjoy it now. Little by little things will get better. I thought that the Pyschologist was mad when he told me that, but it really works. I promise you. Give it a try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2011 that sort of depends if you want to feel better, but thanks writer for trying and answering my post xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter.c Posted June 25, 2011 Report Share Posted June 25, 2011 Hi Writer, what you are saying makes sense. But, you have to be there to make that effort! It's so hard to lift / get yourself / to the level, to be able to make those changes, that you know will benefit or improve your thought pattern. Once you have acheived it, as you have, then things may improve. I believe in your approach, but I also relate with Christine who is where we all have been. It's so so hard to see the light when the world is against you. Christine stick with it and tomorrow may be a better day. Love and best wishes, Peter. :mellow: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shailaine Posted June 25, 2011 Report Share Posted June 25, 2011 I totally relate to you christine as its a place I have been many times myself I understand with what writer is saying and agree with it but also agree with peter, its so hard to get to where you want to try things. Staying in bed is safer, especially when you don't feel like you have the energy to do anything. It is understandable how you feel about your kids while you are in that place and honestly there is no shame in asking for help with them, it doesn't mean you are useless, far from it I don't know if this would work for you, but maybe its worth a try? When I get where you are I allow myself so long in bed then I move onto the settee with a huggle blanket and the tv. At first I just sleep but slowly the tv brings me round a little. I have learnt not to push myself as then I only end up angry and feeling even worse but to move out of bed a bit at a time until I find I am staying out of it longer n longer Please though, let your CPN know how you are, and honestly, you are not a whinger nor are you useless, if it helps keep talking, people really do care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillv Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 (((((Christine))))) Wish I could come and help you. It will get better xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 thanks for you comments, cpn coming tommorrow, kids play has messed up all of downstairs so will have to try and tidy. im not sure i can explain this but i feel dead and cant imagine a future that isnt full of depression and disappointment so dont want to live, which makes it almost impossible to do anything other than basics for kids. unless i can find a way to be alone happily i just dont want to struggle anymore. dont know if this makes sense. do have T every few weeks so i guess the fact i go to this suggests i am trying, which i find quite a contradiction and struggle with, so maybe there is a small tiny wish to survive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 ((christine)) hold on to that tiny part of you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 so very sorry christine really am ((((christine)))) (and sorry dd - but read ur reply aand it made us laugh u holding onto christines tiny part !!!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 dont have any tiny parts anyway x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 sorry xxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peppermint Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 Please hold on.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 Its ok, i like that u saw a funny side, maybe thats what i need a bit of laughter. xxx thanks peppermint. god the house is a mess, tried to do some garden and its too hot. ha ha its all funny really bless you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 Cpn came, no surprises she says i need help with motivating myself and she is going to encourage me step by step. now my delemia is do i do the small tasks she has set to go along with her to show i am cooperating or kick her into touch now before it gets too much for me or she pressurizes me too much ( too much for me isnt much at all) then she says see you in 2 weeks, ha . my head says you have to do things my heart says whats the point. my children are tired after going to be late yesterday and are both grumpy but here I am out of their way in bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted June 27, 2011 Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 I'm sorry your cpn appt didnt go well, i wish i could send you the lady i saw. could you try doing some of the small tasks? i know some of the tasks ppl from the mental health services give you are totally pointless and lots of small tasks can sometimes be worse than one big one. And 2 weeks, thats such a long time when your depressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 thanks emma, the task was around something to look after myself, she was fine but its more about me deciding to help myself or not and yes for me atm 2 weeks is a long time but see pdoc on weds to discuss meds yet again so thats something. dont know about the rest of you but my kids are so hot they cant sleep. so they are coming to see ma every 15mins, and will be exhausted in the morning, which i could well do without Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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