Psychiatric Nurse

[lonelyheartemma]

I'm seeing the psychiatric nurse on monday. i'm hoping she will be able to arrange to get me a cpn and therapy and put me on the list for my own flat tho i know there might be a waiting list for all 3. Is there anything i could do to help make sure i get what I need? Don't want to be manipulative but people can't give you what you need unless they can see you need it so i need to make sure they can see it. I don't want to stage a meltdown or anything like that, thats not right and i'd be so bad at it. but is there anything i can say to help her (or him, idk tbh) realise what i need?

thank you for any suggestions but dont worry if you don't have any xxx

[blackdagger82]

I have no advice other then tell the nurse exactly whats been happening and don't spare details.

I hope that it goes ok and you know where I am if you want to chat

BD xxx

[walker]

think priority is also for her/him/someone to speak to your gp to enable u to go to appts alone

[lonelyheartemma]

Thank you BD and Walker.

Walker, i didnt think of that. I was thinking that as i'll be doing mental health appts on my own, maybe i could deal with my mum being there for doctors appts. But maybe i do need to mention it as it is all part of her controllingness.

[toaster]

Hey Emma

I think defo tell the nurse about your mum. You know it is going to be really difficult for you to engage in any therapy or anything whilst you have your mum down your neck all the time. If you let the nurse you are aware of this then they know you have insight and are willing to work.

I'm not bad mouthing your mum. I just think you need independence and freedom.

Good luck with the appointment and keep us posted.

Toast

[Roses]

Yes, as others have said just be as honest as you can and don't keep anything back as what might seem trivial to you could be important to them to make sure you get the right help and yes, tell them about your Mum. I have told my team to not share info with my parents or to take calls from my Mum as in the past she has been very controlling and was calling my pdoc and sec and emailing them and all sorts. xxx

[lonelyheartemma]

Thank you Toaster and Roses, thats a really good point.

my mum gets so annoyed tho when people won't tell her anything. like if people phone for me and they won't say who they are, she hates that and its me who gets blamed for it. Maybe I can work something out with them so they do say who they are and they do give her very basic information so shes not so annoyed but they dont say anything really personal. It would be so complicated for them to have to remember that tho. Maybe they would be happy to email me, my mum wants to know my email password but i havent told her it and I won't.

I know you arent bad mouthing her Toaster. Its horrible of me but it makes me happy in a way when people don't keep saying she's wonderful and i'm lucky to have her. my best friend loves my mum and doesnt believe what i tell her anymore. She thinks i'm really lucky. But whenever she comes over (she lives in the US so i only see her like once a year) my mum always insists on taking her out for walks and leaving me at home to rest so idk what shes telling her. I feel like i can't talk to her now. She is closer to my mums age than me but she was my friend.

[walker]

emma

your mum is having a HUGE impact on your mental health - even if it doesnt feel so maybe - but believe me it will -

clearly she cares very much and probably worries

but honeslty as one who has been trapped, is still trapped, it is better to create space between you as soon as poss

then YOU can tell her what YOU want her to know

really really do understand how it feels

but you have courage, insight, strength, a lovely personality those are yours not hers and she damn well needs to start trusting you to live your life

xxxxxxxx

(sorry nothing really to do with thread - just raw nerve here)

[Benway]

(((emma)))

Just to wish you all the best for tommorrow. Will be thinkin' of ya.

Agree with others re: yr mum. Love & light, xxx am

[lonelyheartemma]

Thank you Walker. Its more relavant than you think. I dont think me having therapy is going to make her trust me more but maybe it will help me to believe i can manage without her. She says i can't but I can't manage being trapped here forever. I can't manage livng with someone who shoots me down every time i get a tiny amount of self confidence. Shes not doing it to be horrible but it still destroys me every time.

She does worry about me. she worries how i'm going to cope when she's dead because i'm so unlikeable no one will ever like me. she said that. And i thought she was right, its not like I can make friends. But people on here like me, i'm sure you do. so maybe i'm not very likeable but i'm not unlikeable.

Thank you Anne Marie, i really apreciate it.

[walker]

GOOD GOD emma

you are SO easy to like

you honestly are,

and far far far more mature than i was at your age ( sorry not sure how old u are)

own mother devoted / devotes her life to her family

but i have grown up not being able to know who or what i am or who is inside - not being able to trust in any sense of self - consumed by self doubt

and yes

just like you say

believing , hanging on their words, because they know us best - better indeed than we do ourselves

thank goodness you have found it out young and can now do something about it

(we have done it to own daughter to an extent - we are trapped both sides - but trying to break out is - well - just is)

you can still love, care, respect your mum, still have her there and be there for her, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lonelyheartemma]

I'm 19. My mum is always telling me what a baby i am. I think i kind of am because there are lots of things i havent done yet that other people my age have been doing for years like having a proper boyfriend, living away from home, working, going out with friends. But i think lots of people grow up when they have the chance to grow up and its hard to do that when your at home. someone on here told me you always think of your children as your children. maybe I could have moved out sooner if i got a job but I think its going to be hard for me to believe in myself living here and its going to be hard to get a job if i don't believe in myself. Maybe some people need to do the moving out first. Its not so unusual to move out before you get a job, i bet lots of ppl who go to uni havent had a job and they usually move out.

You can still do something about it Walker, i'm sure you can. I'm sure its not too late. I know its going to take me a long time tho. maybe 3 years on the waiting list for my own flat and probably lots of therapy needed before i can live there.

I read on the site that a psychiatric nurse is the same as a cpn? Its reasuring to know that, i know lots of ppl on here have been helped a lot by cpns.

[Lucy70]

GOOD GOD emma

you are SO easy to like

you honestly are,

New here and already made me feel a bit better. :)

[walker]

((((emma))))

you will do it

[lonelyheartemma]

Thank you Lucy, i'm glad I helped a bit.

I hope so Walker. i'm sure you can do it too.

[Christine001]

heh emma i am seeing my cpn tommorrow too for the first time, didnt thibk i wasworried about this but here i am at 1.30am struggling to sleep.

emma I think everyone has said what i would have said, i think you are an amazing person, you are so articulate and amazing support to so many people on here, so my hope for you is that in the next few years you bring out your amazing gifts in the rworld. maybe talking to the cpn is the start on that road xxxxx

[lonelyheartemma]

Aww thank you Christine, thats such a lovely thing to say. thats just what i'm hoping will happen except the part about the gifts coz i dont think ive got any! but thank you so much. I need someone who can explain things i don't know without making me feel like i can't do it. someone who understands that saying go and get a job isnt that simple. someone who understands i'm not just another teenager being a rebel. I dont think my mum is abusing me or anything like that, shes probably trying to be really nice but my personality and her personality are kind of clashing with mine coming off worse if that makes sense. tho it can't be very nice for her either. it must be horrible for her when she tries to say something helpful and i just cry.

I hope it goes well for you too. I really hope you find it a helpful experience. I think its amazing how you support people on here even when you feel bad. sometimes i don't know what to say and I dont post but then later i come back and you've posted and said something really helpful. and i'm really grateful for people like you coz i always feel bad about not posting esp when theres no answers there already.

[manja.]

how did you get on emma? xx

[lonelyheartemma]

It went really well Manja, idk if you saw my post in good day and recovery but it did go well. She was really lovely and said some really nice things and it was so nice just chatting to her. And i feel bitchy saying this but it was such a relief not having my mum there, I felt so much more relaxed and alive.

[Shadow girl]

So glad it was good. Will you be seeing her again? Big hugs.

[lonelyheartemma]

Thank you shadow girl

I don't have any plans to see her again, she was going to speak about me in a meeting last friday then they were going to discuss what support I needed and what they could offer. They might decide i need my own personal cpn and if so i hope its her but they might decide i need a different support person and its possible she mostly deals with new people.