hummm_mabbe Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 Hi there I may be over-reacting with this, but I need to get it out as its bothering me. As some of you may know, I have been on incapcity benefit for the last three years. This was because I essentially had a nervous breakdown whilst working for a major oil company on their graduate scheme. Yes - I have had lifelong MH problems, and various PD diagnoses have been tried on, but it was that environment and that company in partocular that triggred the meltdown. Some relationships I had there got to the point of physical violence, or at least extreme hostility. Its not a place I want to go back to. The job I am doing now is with a different oil company, but they are a service provider. It involves some work for the company I had the breakdown with. Now, I said to myself its cool to do work for them, have them as the client. I dont even mind going there from time to time, just go in and get out. However my boss has a new piece of work coming up, and he asked me if I would do it. It is possibly for the next 6 months, and he said it may well involve actually going and working in the offices of this company. At the time he said it, I resisted, and he tried to sort of wave my concerns away. That made me angry, because he knows my history. Anyways, its been building up in my head, and today I spoke to another guy involved with it who told me how long it could last. It just set it all off for me - I felt so angry and scared, and started thinking about talking to my boss. It made me hugely nervous, and sadly before i could talk to him, he left for the afternoon. So I sent him an email. It may be he says "its ok, dont worry about it, we wont make you". He did say we are going at my pace, as a sort of "see what you can do" type thing. I just feel like he is going to suddenly change, and say "well actually now you are staff, you have to", and so on top of the fear of working at this company, I also have the fear of getting in an argument and alienating someone important to me. It all makes me feel really horrible. So as I say, I dont know if I am over-reacting or not. I dont think I am - I have been working really hard for this new company, and am happy to work hard - AT their offices. I just dont want to be sent somewhere that i feel threatened. Ta for reading, sorry was long Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BimoUK Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 Hey Ross Not too good with the words right now but I don't think you're over-reacting at all. It's perfectly natural for you to feel apprehensive, or even scared, at the prospect at having to spend any length of time at the place that holds so many bad memories for you. Sorry I can't offer much more than that right now, but don't fret about your reaction, you're well within your rights and I'm sure your new boss will be understanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted July 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 Hey Ross Not too good with the words right now but I don't think you're over-reacting at all. It's perfectly natural for you to feel apprehensive, or even scared, at the prospect at having to spend any length of time at the place that holds so many bad memories for you. Sorry I can't offer much more than that right now, but don't fret about your reaction, you're well within your rights and I'm sure your new boss will be understanding. Cheers Mr Bimmington Von Bim, appreciate the support especially as you are having difficulty yourself at the mo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 I'm not surprised by your anger as you said when first approached "he sort of tried to wave my concerns away". For me I see this as the classic parental child dismissal routine that many of people with borderline non-suppotive parents have been brought up with. Do you think this could have triggered old wounds to start hurting? He's not aknowledging your feelings or standpoint when he should. Do you think your fears and anger now arise because he seems to be authortative big boss parent. Are you are stuck in the place where you want to please. At the same time you are scared anything you do will be misconstrued and that no matter what you do you will never be able to please this person? Dunno what to suggest though, those were just things that sprung to mind when I read your post. Hope you are ok Ross. Sorry I've not put things very eloquently. take care hun x Bumble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 hi ross, might be a silly question but is it the thought of seeing certain people again or is it that all the negative memories will come back by being in that environment again? if its the people then some of them might not be there anymore. i can understand your reluctance- i would be hugely bothered about it for both reasons especially if i didn't feel anywhere near ready to face the past yet. i don't think its unreasonable of you to ask if you could do something else. hope it gets resolved soon. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted July 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 Hi guys Yeah its all of the above really. Its just far too soon to be doing something like that - its like having just removed the cast from a broken leg, and started doing physio, then thinking "I know what, I'll run a marathon. Over some rocks". Even if I was fully well I still wouldnt want to work there again. Normally I am all for facing things that scare you, but there's a fine line between exposure and needless discomfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaTsEyEs Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 When I am faced with these things in life I either internally decide I am just not doing it because I don't want to and it is not worth the aggro, or I will do it as it is more aggro not to. By doing that is is my decision no one elses. Being my decision even if it is not great rids me of alot of anxiety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 i can see how scary scary the prospect of going back must be. well done for saying no (i myself can never say no!lol) i no its not easy but try not to think the worse...he has said they wont force you to go so until he says otherwise then take his word for it xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted July 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 PHEWZ Its aaaaaaall ok, dont have to go there Whahooooooooooooo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaTsEyEs Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 YAY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted July 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 Whoooooooooooooo!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 Hi hummm_mabbe So glad things worked out for you and you dont have to work at the company that made you ill. lots of love sw x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 Yey :masked: :masked: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 You arent overeacting at all, Its a horrible position to be in and i bet your boss would feel the same about going back to a workplace where he had a bad time, that would bother anyone especialy if you are supposed to be going at your own pace and building up confidence. I would be terrified of going back to the college where the horrible teacher was (tho i might be going back and doing her subject but i'm going to consider it very carefully over a couple of months and check support will be in place for me, which is very different from saying go next week) I think its good you emailed him and i hope you get a good response back. Its good to challenge you but they also need to be careful with you and they can't control how other people might react to you being back and when you are that frightened anything can seem like a negative comment. You are very intelligent and lovely and have so many good qualities and i'm sure you could go back to your old workplace and come out of it even stronger but theres also a chance it could set you back so i can totally see why you don't want to take a risk like that. Its obviously a challenge just thinking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 do you know specifically what it is that scares you about that prospect? and specifically what upset you about your boss' approach? can you process that stuff individually? it sounds like a big jump to take so soon, but i think any concern you may have about the actual compamy maybe misplaced. this is different issue, but maybe simalr thinking pattern.....when i get real scared and para about abusers coming after me i remeber i was just a worthless powerless child to them, theyr not going to bother about small fry like me..... what happened to you at that company is a big thing for you, probably not so much for them. maybe thinking that could let you deal with the personal issues revolving around this and let you make a descion if its a healthy thing for you to do or not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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