catsmother21 Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 My lovely CPN came round earlier in the week and we were talking about me having trouble about changing my mind. This is due to my mother, I was NEVER allowed to change my mind about ANYTHING and if I did I bore the consequences of that. Obviously, I quickly learned not to change my mind about things. She said that she had this Bill and that she would post it to me and it arrived this morning and wanted to share it with everyone. I am a huge bag of contradictions (as I am with most things) about being assertive. If it is someone that I don't know personally ie. gas company, taking back a pair of shoes or in business - I have very little problems with it. However, if it is someone that I know personally ie. friends and family - I am absolutely terrible and don't set boundaries and that is why I have been taken for a mug on many occasion. - I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities as a person independent of any roles that I may assume in my life. (Getting better with this but still forget that I need to put myself first sometimes). - I have the right to be treated with respect as an intelligent, capable and equal human being. - I have the right to express my feelings. (Much better with this now). - I have the right to say 'yes' or 'no' for myself. - I have the right to make mistakes. (I have a huge problem with this because I hate making mistakes and really batter myself about it when I do). - I have the right to change my mind. (This is one that I am working on). - I have the right to say 'I don't understand'. (Used to have a huge problem with this but not now). - I have the right to ask for what I want. - I have the right to decline responsibility for other people's problems. (Setting boundaries - still learning!). - I have the right to deal with others without being dependent on them for approval. (Still have problems with this because I still, after all this time, seem to need and look for approval). - I have the right to say 'no' without feeling guilty. (I have lived with guilt all my life). I hope this is helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules7 Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Thanks for sharing, my f mom was a total control freak she controlled everything I did or said, I can relate to this. That's why I'm really not good at expressing myself now. You do have the right to do all those things. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Hi Jules It took me a long time before I was able to form my own personality and own opinions due to the same as your f mom. I have got better though and you can too sweets - it's hard work but she doesn't have to be in your head forever. Don't get me wrong I still struggle but I am a lot better than I used to be. So sorry that you had to go through this too xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 thank you so much for sharing this cats it really means a lot. is it ok to copy and paste this somewhere to keep as a reminder? it's encouraging to know u've been able to make progress with them. i guess its a long term learning process with some of them as its what we've been taught since we were little so much so we forget theres even another way of doing things. like you i'm ok with some but terrible at others-guilt is a really nasty one that i find it hard to notice its happening but it has so many negative effects. its weird but it sort of makes you feel in the end like its not ok for you to be a person even. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wynter Grace Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Very helpful. Thanks for sharing xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 thank you so much for sharing this cats it really means a lot. is it ok to copy and paste this somewhere to keep as a reminder? it's encouraging to know u've been able to make progress with them. i guess its a long term learning process with some of them as its what we've been taught since we were little so much so we forget theres even another way of doing things. like you i'm ok with some but terrible at others-guilt is a really nasty one that i find it hard to notice its happening but it has so many negative effects. its weird but it sort of makes you feel in the end like its not ok for you to be a person even. xxxx Hi sweets Of course it's OK to copy it and I know what you mean about being made to feel like it's not OK to be a person ((((vivien)))) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaTsEyEs Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Very helpful, no green points left to show my appreciation! I have the right to make mistakes. I struggle with that big time. I have the right to say 'I don't understand. I don't know why I feel so ashamed when I don't understand something. I have the right to deal with others without being dependent on them for approval. I am not sure but I do think this is a problem area for me too You sound like you are doing great hun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wynter Grace Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 I have nicked it too xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 I have nicked it too xxxx that'll be a fiver please - only joking sweets xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaTsEyEs Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 It is really good I find all these topics hard they overlap and it gets mixed up. It's funny written down clearly it is easier to see where you need to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Very helpful, no green points left to show my appreciation! I have the right to make mistakes. I struggle with that big time. I have the right to say 'I don't understand. I don't know why I feel so ashamed when I don't understand something. I have the right to deal with others without being dependent on them for approval. I am not sure but I do think this is a problem area for me too You sound like you are doing great hun. Thank you ((Cats)) onwards and upwards, slowly but surely as they say! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaTsEyEs Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 It's funny written down clearly it is easier to see where you need to work. Those are the ramblings of a mad person! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 It's funny written down clearly it is easier to see where you need to work. Those are the ramblings of a mad person! Well I completely agree with you - much easier written down so here's to two mad women together xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wynter Grace Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 I have nicked it too xxxx that'll be a fiver please - only joking sweets xx Will you accept lots of love instead :wub: xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaTsEyEs Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 I have nicked it too xxxx that'll be a fiver please - only joking sweets xx Will you accept lots of love instead :wub: From you? - Of course I will xx xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules7 Posted July 22, 2011 Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Hi Jules It took me a long time before I was able to form my own personality and own opinions due to the same as your f mom. I have got better though and you can too sweets - it's hard work but she doesn't have to be in your head forever. Don't get me wrong I still struggle but I am a lot better than I used to be. So sorry that you had to go through this too xx Thank you Catsmother I'm glad your alot better than you used to be, you are a lovely person and didn't deserve that treatment at all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2011 Hi Jules It took me a long time before I was able to form my own personality and own opinions due to the same as your f mom. I have got better though and you can too sweets - it's hard work but she doesn't have to be in your head forever. Don't get me wrong I still struggle but I am a lot better than I used to be. So sorry that you had to go through this too xx Thank you Catsmother I'm glad your alot better than you used to be, you are a lovely person and didn't deserve that treatment at all! Neither did you sweets - try to keep that in your head xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.