How To Start Dating After Many Years Of Solitude

[johnnym]

Hello,

I haven't been to this site for maybe a year. Once, I had serious problems - cutting, overdose, drug abuse, depression... I thought it's BPD but after year of therapy my therapist said I am just a bit too sad (no BPD). For the past few months everything was moreless OK. I changed job. I've moved 450 km to a new place. I do not know anybody here... .

Now, we have a new female colleague in the office. And the problem is I really like her and I also might be in love with her. I havent felt these kind of feelings for many many years. This is the first time I have really warm feelings towards someone but.... I really dont know what to do. I've almost cut my self again yesterday after year of being okay. Luckily I didnt in the end...

The problem is this... If I will be lucky and she will like me, I have to be honest with her about my problems in the past... She will see parts of my body that are covered with scars. She will think I am crazy. Then the whole office will think I am crazy, because she might tell them. If I won't be lucky and she will reject me, I am afraid my emotional rollocaster might start again........................

What should I do?

I know... Stupid question and stupid problem. I just had to write it down and get it out of my head. You don't really have to react... :(

[sundries]

I know this is really awful and not what you want to hear, but i dont think it would be wise to take this risk in a work setting. It sounds like you have already recognised that yourself. If you do decide to go ahead then i would suggest somehow raising the topic of psych problems so that you can get a feel for her attitude towards them without mentioning your own.

I'm sorry we dont have an easier time dating. There is still so much stigma out there.

Sorry I feel really crap for not saying go for it and be optimistic, but i just think if her response isnt positive or you fall out it could really damage your position.