My Cpn Is Leaving

[unlucky]

Well, she's not leaving, but she's not going ot be seeing me any more.

I started seeing her about a year ago, and for the last 5 months she has been off sick. I have been seeing a student social worker, who is also leaving in three weeks. She has told me that my CPN is changing over to psychotic patients and as I am non-psychotic, I won't be able to see her any more.

I am absolutely devastated. I really liked my CPN, and I actually felt like I might be getting somewhere with her, and that she might be able to help me.

I have never felt like anyone else I've seen had the ability to help me properly. And I've been able to talk to her about stuff I've never felt ready to talk to anybody about.

She is just so good as a CPN, and I don't want to lose her. I seem to have got myself very attached to her. The last 5 months without her have been bad enough, but now to know she isn't coming back, it is so painful.

I feel so stupid for feeling like this, and I can't seem to explain to anyone how bad it feels.

I don't know what to do.

I was hoping somebody might have been through something similar and have some advice?

[Shadow girl]

((((((((unlucky)))))))) I have experienced something similar to this and know how devastating it is. I've no advice as I handled very badly - I hope you cope better than me! However, sending lots of hugs and cyber support because I know how horrible it feels.

[unlucky]

Thanks Shadow girl, I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

[lonelyheartemma]

you've got nothing to feel stupid about, t always feels bad to lose someone who is important in your life, it must have been so hard being without her but it must have been comforting to know she would come back eventualy.

is there any way you could write her a letter to say you have really missed her and you are disapointed she will never come back and if she doesnt have enough psychotic patients you would love to continue to see her? she might not be able to change anything but you never know and it might be important for her to know how you are feeling. She might have assumed that as she has already been away for 5 months it probably wont have an effect on her clients but it obviously has had an effect on you.

I have only ever had one session with a cpn but she was amazing, i know i will be disapointed if i am given a cpn who isnt her so its easy imagine cpns are the sort of people you can get attached to. but your new cpn might be just as good, i really hope so. I cant think of anyone but i have read about other people on here who have lost cpns and got new ones, maybe some of them will be able to give you some advice.

[unlucky]

Thanks Emma, the letter is a good idea. I am hoping that I will get to see her a couple of times after the social worker leaves and before they transfer me to a new CPN, but am not really sure what is happening, so fingers crossed I will be able to tell her in person.

I would do anything to be able to keep seeing her, but I can't imagine that they will let me because it's probably the same for every patient who is going to have to change, but I will keep asking anyways, I haven't got anything left to lose.

I'm just so upset that for 5 months they have been saying she's coming back, and now it's like, oh yeah, by the way she isn't.

I am heartbroken. She is the only person who I can talk to, she's the only person who understands. :-(

It's so tempting with the way I am feeling to just OD, then they might realise how much I need her and be more likely to let her carry on seeing me. I am just so depressed. But I know that isn't the answer. I'm just so sick of everything.

I'm sorry for moaning and ranting. I know people are a lot worse off than me. It has just knocked me really badly.

Thanks very much for the replies though, I really appreciate it, and it's helpful to be able to talk to anyone who kind of understands as there is nobody in "real life".

[lonelyheartemma]

You arent moaning or ranting. Its natural to be upset when you have waited for something for so long and then when you've almost got it back its been taken away from you. We all need support here and losing anyones support is really hard. Keep talking as much as you need to.

you could always write and ask to see her once more before the changeover happens?

[unlucky]

I'm not sure what is going to happen. My social worker leaves in two weeks, and she doesn't know who is going to take over.

I'm quite disappointed in the way the system works... it just doesn't seem to matter. It's like mental health patients aren't as important, so it's "ok" to mess them around so much. That's how I feel anyways. And that's why I don't ever ring up, because they seem to treat me differently, I make my husband ring as they don't have an excuse for treating relatives differently.

:-(

I'm not sure if I should write... I don't know. It feels scary. Maybe I should write to her, but not necessarily give her the letter. Just writemy feelings down. I wanted to get her a card to say Thankyou, but if I'm not going to get to give it to her then why bother?

I'm so upset.

Why is it so difficult for them to just leave thing alone and let me carry on seeing the CPN I am already supposed to be seing. FFS!

I'm just not good enough. And never will be. Everyone will be better off without me.

[addy2]

Hi unlucky i went through this last year when my social worker left i was with her a year and i was heartbroken it was horrible she only knew two weeks before she was due to leave i just cried, she understood me totally and was always there for me and i was attached to her i never thought i would have that with anyone. I got her a gift an angel saying thankyou and a card with a message just saying how much she meant to me, she met me with my new social worker and told her some stuff about me. She gave me a hug as i left i kept the tears in until i got to the car. It was hard and my mental health went downhill because of it but my therapist was great and eventually i am beginning to trust my new social worker she will never be the old one and i still cry when i see her or her car, what made it worse is that she is now back as a social worker after all that she got another job with them. What i am trying to say is that it is hard and i totally understand how you feel but it does get better, if you can get a new cpn that would help, and i think that writing her a card is a great idea it means you get to say what you want and its not left unfinished. I know its hard but maybe you will be able to build a good relationship with the new cpn, you have every right to ring them and ask for an appointment or ask what is happening. I hope it works out for you, my psychiatrist told me its all part of BPD and attachment issues.xx

[unlucky]

Thanks addy. That helps a little. I'm sorry about your social worker. It totally sucks doesn't it? I really don't have any idea what's going on now, and I think I'm beginning to not care. The depression is just getting worse, and taking over. But I have nobody to go to now.

I daren't ring up, because the secretary is just so rude, it will upset me even more.

I had bought a thankyou card for her, but I doubt I'm ever going to see her again.

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it. But I think I am pretty stuck at the moment.

[addy2]

Is there anyone else that can help you find out whats going on, what about your GP could they help you? I know it can be so frustrating and horrible but keep trying, i know what you mean though if a secretary was rude to me i would be even more upset too. Try not to let the depression rule you if you can i did and it totally took me over and i ended up very unwell because of it. Sorry i am not more help i really hope it works out for you.xx

[unlucky]

It's ok addy, just knowing that you feel the same way really helps and makes me feel like I'm not so much of a freak. <3 Thankyou so much for that.

Am not sure really, I think if the scoial worker doesn't know anything this week I'm going to have to go to the GP.

I think I will write her a letter and/or thankyou card, just to get out everything I want to say, and then I can always decide afterwards whether or not to pass it on.

Just so long as the pain isn't going to be this bad forever.

[skp67]

I am in the same boat as you regarding my cpn, i got told by a nurse at the hospital i was having a new cpn from the middle of September. No one actually sat down with me and discussed it.. I am shocked at the way they handle things. Luckily i do know my new cpn as she came to see me once a week for 6 weeks when i was on the intensive ward, and from what i remember she was a warm bubbly person.

I also feel lost at not being an inpatient at the hospital aswell. I am on leave from the place but feel like i have been disscarded. I had to go to the hospital yesterday to see home treatment, so i went on to the ward like HT say i am still a patient and have a bed there. Well a nurse was really rude and didnt want me on the ward so asked me to wait in the reception.

I felt totally rejected and still do!!

Horrible feeling to be dumped... (((( Hugs ))))

[addy2]

It really helps to me to know i wrote her a card i felt like i was able to say everything i needed to that i know i couldn't have said to her face without falling apart and crying, yeah try your GP they might be able to help. The pain does get easier believe me although it doesn't feel like it now but it will get easier.