lonelyheartemma Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 Most people would say i don't have too much to do. I dont have a job, i'm not at college atm, i don't really do housework, I am very lazy and when my parents see me doing it they always go on about how i'm doing it wrong and they take the stuff from me and do it themselves. But there is always more i want to do every day than i've got time to do it. It just takes me a long time to do anything and I really need 9-10 hours sleep or i am just too tired. It has taken me maybe 5 mins to write this much of this message, i keep zoning out, time passes, i can't concentrate. I usually spend over half an hour in the bath because I am slow washing myself. meals take a long time, we have to sit at the table for an hour for dinner. and i don't know how but i don't get enough time to do what i want to do and I just get overwelmed and upset and guilty and i'm not even trying to do anything much. this is what i try to do each day 1. get up, take meds, have a bath, wash my hair (every other day) 2. breakfast (slice of toast, meds, tea) 3. internet. check mentalhealthworld, ebay, tumblr, hotmail, neopets, game site. 4. practise at least one hairstyle or beauty treatment 5. do some studying 6. eat dinner 7. go for walk 8. eat supper (usually another breakfast but sometimes its pudding) 9. do some writing 10. go to bed I just dont think this should be taking me more than a day. today i havent done neopets, i havent done hair and beauty stuff or studying for days. I just havent had time. but how is that possible? how do people with jobs have a life at all? this is one reason why i am so scared of having a job, because i know i would have no time or energy for anything else. getting involved in the forums on the games forum was a bad idea, it takes time reading it and thinking up replies and i'm really not interested in the social side. the people on there are probably mostly nice but they are not people i can meet and not people who can get to know me like people on here. now my friend on there wants me to do 2 games at a time instead of 1 which means twice as much time on the site, i can't cope with that but i don't want to offend him. when i start college its going to be even more impossible, i will have to go to college and do homework and i just don't know how i'm going to cope. then i'll have to go to all these groups the mental health team will probably come up with and its just like i don't have time!!!! I could be doing something now but instead i'm sitting on here stressing about all the stuff i'm not doing and not feeling capable of starting anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 Hi Emma I think the best thing to do when you start college and the mental health groups is to prioritise what is the most important stuff to do. I think sitting and writing it out might get all the worry and stressing out of your head. There may be some things that you will have to maybe drop or spend less time doing. You certainly are a very busy lady and you work hard on here but just do what you can. Take care sweets xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 Just been thinking about the person that has invited you to start playing another game. I'm sure they'll understand if you explain that you are starting college and will have homework to do and that you won't have time to start playing another game xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 Imo your list is pretty long which in turn means you end up giving yourself a hard time about what you haven't achieved. As catsmother said prioritsation is key, but you also need to congratulate yourself for the things you have done (ie focusing on the positives, not the negatives). This has certainly helped me. how do people with jobs have a life at all? this is one reason why i am so scared of having a job, because i know i would have no time or energy for anything else. There are times where I've literally only gone to work and then come home to sleep. I'd always wonder how other people managed to have so much more of a life outside of work etc. Now I realise it's the being ill which makes you feel you have no time or energy. Some times will be better than others. Perhaps you'll even make a full recovery . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 Hi Emma when I was in the grips of anorexia I had NO TIME for anything else - the ED simply took over. When I became more busy, other things took over, I didn't have time for the ED thoughts. When you have more to do it might ironically give you more energy. It isn't a promise. But it is a hope. I know depression. I used to cry getting out of bed, the amount of energy it took me was unreal. It would be a mammoth task moving from the bedroom to the bathroom (in a tiny little flat) and I would have to stop halfway there, sobbing because it was so hard. Oh God, it was awful, I never want to be that bad again Doing more things may well exhaust you more at first. Bit it helped me in the long run. You just have to push through. So so hard but we are here for you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 thank you xxx its good to know other people think its quite a lot. my mum says i never do anything but she doesnt know what i do maybe I should get one of those charts like manja's got where you tick things off every day and maybe do a bit of a timetable. there are probably things i can do tho to cut it down. 2. Very important to eat but i could get more done on the computer if i drink my tea and meds while i'm on the computer. 3. mentalhealthworld- obviously can't give it up but maybe I need to expect less of myself from no of posts made and time spent on the site. ebay- I have cut down my searching a lot, i was doing 8 searches a day, now doing 4. tumblr- I really love it and there are people who i am really starting to like there who like the same things as me. but it is a slow site and maybe i don't need to look at every single post all my friends make. neopets- I use this to help supress my urges to buy clothes every day, i buy stuff for my pets instead. I dont spend my real money but i still get a good feeling from doing it. so i'd like to keep doing it. game site- after my interview this weekend only make 1 forum post a day and get out of playing 2 games at once. 4. on my hair washing days i am practising a technique so maybe i should only feel guilty for not doing stuff on non hair washing days. like today I should at least do something with my hair, it always feels horrible when i havent washed it but its bad for it to wash it every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules7 Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 I think its cool that you play neopets, I used to love that game untill my account got hacked, I had all the pieces of the map to! take it easy Emma don't stress to much and just do as much as you feel up to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 You're doing your best Emma - what more could anyone ask? Be proud hun xxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 does this look okay, is 10 posts a day on here reasonable? i've got no idea how many i usually post, maybe less than that. obviously thats just a minimum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Run out of like points but will come back. I think that looks great and remember to reward yourself with treats when you accomplish things xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 thanks catsmother xxx so far done ebay searches and not bought or bid on anything washed my hair reading through 8th counselling exercise (amazing how much you can get done when computer is being slow) Not many but there's lots of the day left. don't feel good tho so might have some chocolate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 maybe this is a bad idea. I'm supposed to be writing 10 helpful messages but i can't even do one, theres too much pressure. every minute i feel under pressure to be doing something useful but i can't do anything useful, i just can't do anything. scared even to stop typing in case my mum comes and tells me off for doing nothing. She knows i have a depression site but she thinks i never ask for help on it because i have nothing to be depressed about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 so don't see the point in life. so overated. so hope mine ends soon. all these doctors working to make me better and i don't want to get better, why would i want them doing something that might make me live longer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stjaninaro Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Awh Emma <3 I'd miss you if you weren't here :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 thank you stjaninaro I think life is just wrong for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules7 Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 I would to, I know I haven't been the greatest friend, but you mean alot to me (((Emma))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Jules you are here when i need someone, what more could I ask from a friend? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 Emma I love your timetable/tick sheet thing!!! I CONSTANTLY post on here that I'm unorganised and flapping and now feel inspired by your ticklist. I know if I ticked a single thing on your sheet I would feel so made up with myself. Completely understand you are feeling anx-y at the mo, but I feel very inspired by your efforts to get on top of things at the mo. Keep it up hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 I havent even printed it out and ticked anything, maybe i should, I'd need to find a hiding place for it tho. I used to have lists of what i wanted to do each day but my mum kept throwing them away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted August 16, 2011 Report Share Posted August 16, 2011 I think that even though you have done this list, it is important to remember that sometimes everything won't get done. Perhaps on the days that you are not feeling so good you can make the list smaller so that it is easier to cope with and on your better days you can do more. I think it's a case of tweaking to suit how you are feeling at the time. On good days, I can write a quite a big list and get through all or most of it, what I don't do goes on the list for the next day. Then on bad days it can be just the basics such as cleaning teeth, getting in the bath and nothing else. Please don't give up. I would miss you xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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