lonelyheartemma Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 I could do this. The doctors made a mistake so for a long time after they put me down to 2 tablets a day i was getting enough to take 3 a day. 2 a day obviously isnt enough. they put it down because they thought it was making my heart beat faster but it isnt, reducing the dose made no difference. They told me it made no difference to my heart, i said it def made a difference to my depression. The day they reduced it i'd planned to ask for an increase. So i could go up to 3. whats the worst thing that could happen? that it will kill me? well whats so bad about that? the best thing that could happen is that i might feel mostly ok again. I always did feel a little bit sad and i obviously had bad days but i didnt feel like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 i know you are suffering but i wouldn't like for you to take any risks with your physical health. could you ask you dr for therapy or counselling? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaTsEyEs Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 What antidepressant is it hun? If you up the dose is it at a prescribed level or over dose level? What's bad about you dying? You won't be alive, you will have cut short what I think will be a wonderful life. You are a beautiful person inside and out, in a few years time all the hard work you put in now getting through each day will pay off. You are a real sweet girl and you have a wonderful future ahead of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 I'm on the waiting list for a psychologist vivien, itll probably take another 2-3 months but ive got a meeting with a drama therapist in the 1st week of september to find out of its suitable for me. I could ask for counselling again but i think its only 6 sessions, i'm not sure that would help. either we'd get nothing done at all or we'd reopen lots of wounds (emotional wounds) and not have time to heal them. I want to go up to the dose i used to be on cats. Its not an official overdose tho i suppose in a way taking more than i'm prescribed for any reason is a sort of overdose. its so hard to believe the future will be good. I believed that for a long time. I thought it would be ok when i went to school, to junior school, to secondary school, to college, when i was 18. but it was never ok. oh and its amitriptilene cats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaTsEyEs Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 What I meant about the dose was is it a does you could be prescribed and as you had that dose before it would mean it would be safe, although it is better to talk to the doctor first. You know hun, I don't think I ever felt truly at home until the day I owned my own home. My husband and I rented from a young age, then just after my 24th birthday we bought our first house. I cannot describe the absolute feeling of owning a patch of the world. Even now all these years later I still say to my husband, can you believe we own this house, it is our property! The freedom, the pride, it is immense. I hope you feel that 1 day and I am sure you will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 I think it would be better to talk to your doctor first before increasing any meds sweets xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 hey hun pls dont up the dose especially with amitriptiline, my gp got in trouble for even prescribing it to me as it is easy to od on and have harmful effects (my care co went mad), i am only saying this because i do not want u to become poorly by taking an accident od (or real one). if it did not cause trouble with your heart u would be better asking gp etc to officially increase it back, so they can monitor u etc cad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Please talk to your doc (pdoc??) Emma. Does he/she know that you feel there's nothing bad about being killed? As cadance said it is an easy drug to fatally od on (even if not deliberately). I'd hate for this to happen to you before you've even had the chance for having more support (psychologist, drama therapist etc). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 I can't really tell my doctor. my mum goes to all my appts so if i say anything like that my mum says i don't mean it and I back down and blame it on my period or something. I dont have a pdoc either yet but once i do have mental health support it will be easy to talk to them. my mum refuses to go to my mental health appts because she doesnt really believe in mental health problems. I'm sad shes like that about it but so relieved that soon i'll have some appts i can go to on my own so I'll be able to say how I really feel. The doctor says I can go back to 3 a day if the new treatment sorts my heart out but my mum says i won't feel depressed anymore once thats sorted out. I wish it was that simple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 It's sad that your mum refuses to accept mental health problems. If she knew you were going to see the gp about your mental health would she then not refuse to go. If you're still feeling strongly that you would feel better going back to 3 a day, are you able to make an appointment with gp and attend without her knowing? While it is true that often poor mental health is associated with poor physical health (sorry if I'm incorrectly assuming that you're suffering with a physical heart condition) it's not always the case particularly if the depression pre-dated the physical health problem iyswim. Have you tried other ads to see if they help you better and don't interfere with the heart problem so much? Really hope you get to talk to a professional soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 If I'm going to the GP even for mental health reasons she would want to be there. she'll want to check with the gp to make sure they are updated with the latest about my physical condition and also ask if they have had any info from the specialists we havent recieved. But the gp wouldnt agree to change anything. I have asked both this gp and the one i saw before this if i could either increase my dose or have different meds, i have also spoken to the heart specialist about it and all 3 have said no, I have to wait until I've had my new treatment (probably in sept/oct) and then wait for everything to settle down (which could take a while) and then see if i'm feeling any better mentally. The doctors obviously have no idea how my mum makes me feel or about the rape as these are things I can't talk about in front of my mum so as far as they are concerned there have been no big events in my life that could cause depression and my home life is happy. So theyve come to the conclusion that either my depression is directly caused by my physical problems (heart is the one they are most worried about but theres other things wrong too) or I'm depressed because i'm easily tired and can't go out much. The doctors think i could have had the physical problems since i was 8 or 9 as i have had the symptoms (but not as seriously, its got worse over time) since then but at the time everything was blamed on anxiety because i was really shy. thank you for caring Myla xxx hope your doing ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted August 27, 2011 Report Share Posted August 27, 2011 So sorry you've been through such horrible things (and on-going) . I recall from another of your threads I posted on that the mother-daughter relationship is a bit fraught so I can understand why you wouldn't want her present. Sounds like you're stuck on 2 a day for now. I really hope you can manage until your other appts - once you start with the therapy and get to express your feelings things might improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted August 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2011 I hope so myla. i really do. At least i have you and all my other friends on this site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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