catsmother21 Posted October 12, 2011 Report Share Posted October 12, 2011 Hi Maddie Just wondering how the DBT groups are going and if you have heard anything about the biopsy results - hope you're doing OK xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted October 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2011 Biopsy results came back as CIN 3 but they think they have cleared all the abnormal area up, so just another smear in 6 months. Group has been really hard for the last 2 weeks talking through some really hard subjects and i broke down one week which i found really stupid. Ryan's behaviour has been really difficult to deal with as well and that we got the results of his DLA application which has been rejected - bastards!!! I really wish they could see how difficult it is and how different he is from any other 13 year old and why we need the support. I though the MH was bad enough for me but for Ryan i get zero support. I am gonna appeal as i desparately want the money so i can pay for private treatment for him and family support. His behaviour and actions doesn't just affect me but my OH and my 4 year old daughter. All of this is making me feel really low at the moment - the OH is still doing model shoots which he proudly shows me all it does is reinforce my own negative feelings about myself and my body. I just feel tired, sick and want to curl up and be left alone. I am so fucked off with what is called my life and pissed off at myself for feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for the rant ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 12, 2011 Report Share Posted October 12, 2011 Hi iron lady soundsl ike a lot of sht has been coming your way, sorry about the dla dont know what to say really though its good to see you posting xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted October 12, 2011 Report Share Posted October 12, 2011 Hi Pleased to hear that the abnormal area has been cleared up and I really do hope that the smear in 6 months time is clear. DBT is really hard and don't feel bad for breaking down - it can be very upsetting at times. Really sorry about the DLA application and yeah definitely appeal. Just really sorry that things are so awful for you - I hope they pick up for you soon xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted October 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2011 Thanks Christine and catsmother. Still feel very low and tired - feel very guilty that i SH on Weds night - but i contacted my MH nurse on the Thursday and she was really worried about me as really stressed, anxious and agitated - she got me some phenergan and diazepan for 3 days just to help me through the worse. I feel like i have stepped backwards but hoping to pick up again soon - its so draining and frustrating to feel like this all the time. She says i have to keep in the moment and not worry about the future and just to get through day by day - i managed to get into work too on Friday which again is a good thing as didn't want to be there but is a useful distraction. I am worried about suicidal thoughts but my OH has told me he can't live without me and the kids would go into care so using that as a keep safe goal at the moment. I think what sacres me is the little girl, the voices and thoughts that make so determinued to go on a self destruction mode. Its like world war 3 in my head and which on is gonna win. Maddie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted October 15, 2011 Report Share Posted October 15, 2011 (((((((Maddie)))))) idk what to say and i've got to go in a minute but i just wanted to let you know i've read your post and i'm sending big hugs and you did so well to go to work and to ask for help when you needed it, i hope you are winning the fight today xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted October 15, 2011 Report Share Posted October 15, 2011 I think you're worker is right about staying in the moment and just taking things a day at a time. Unfortunately, with MH it can be what feels like two steps forward and then one back - please look after yourself when you are feeling really bad. I'm glad that your OH has told you that he can't live without you and neither can your children and that you have got this to hold onto. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted October 15, 2011 Report Share Posted October 15, 2011 Hi Maddie, sorry things are so hard. Voices are so intrusive sometimes it becomes hard to focus on anything. Hope your head quietens down soon. xxB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddieT Posted October 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 Thanks everyone - unfortunately i did OD again which really did not help me as now feeling shit from that. Luckily it wasn't as bad as the last time but still don't know why i am here still here. I am still in work as they don;t know but feeling very out of it and very disorientated. Everyone is very mad and upset at me and i know its my fault - i just couldn't get these fears and voices out of my head. I feel like i have let everyone down. Tonight when i got in I couldn't face anyone and i was walking round in a panic at work getting quite paranoid. I just keep telling myself its the drugs that i stupidly took too many of and this is my comeuppance. Just wish i didn't do this xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow girl Posted October 18, 2011 Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 ((((((((((ironlady)))))))))) Hope you're feeling a little better now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 ((((Maddie)))) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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