Myla Posted September 22, 2011 Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 If you have one... Is it fool-proof (in so far as you can work it out) and what stops you from carrying it out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dice Posted September 22, 2011 Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 I do have one, I don't normally plan things like this, When I have done things before they were never plan'd... But yes I have a plan, I think it is fool-proof as it can be, I have letters and things like that ready, But I have had them done for time now... The reason I haven't gone through with the plan, Is because it is the right time hasn't come yet, If I am being honest, I was going to do it in just under 2 weeks time, If some one gave me an answer which would of made my world fall apart... But I always have the plan ready to go, When ever, I think only my CPN knows I have a plan, They don't know what it is and no one else do either, Apart from me of couse, I don't wish to very say what my plan is because in case some fucker trys to stop me or following me... But I always believe that even if you plan it down to a T, It doesn't mean it will work, You couldn't die and end up, Brain dead or anything like that, And then you'll have to life with that for the rest of your life on this earth... They is people out there who plan SUI and do it, But they don't die, It is just more a cry for help for them... But my plan I do believe in my heart and mind, Will kill me and end it all for me... But the time hasn't come for me to do that... But that ^^^ Doesn't mean if I take OD's still, That I don't want to die because I do, Ever time I have tried some thing, I want to die, I am not ashamed in that, It is no a cry for help for me, Never ever has been, Never will be... Plus taking OD's will fuck your body up so what so... Anyway I dunno if I make any sense for you, But yeah I do have a plan... And can I just ask why you're asking??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted September 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 22, 2011 Yes Dice that does make sense. Thank you. I'm asking because I don't have a plan. I don't like not having a plan as I feel in limbo - can't stay, can't go. I'm petrified of not succeeding, for all the reasons you mention and also because my daughter would be taken away from me. I cannot bear the thought of not being dead and not having my daughter too. She is the only reason I have to stay alive and if the reason for dying becomes more urgent than the need to stay alive then I want out. I don't have a plan because when I'm very depressed I'm incapable of thinking and planning properly, yet when I'm well I don't feel the need to. However, at the moment I'm fluctuating between the two - while I feel like I'm being backed into a corner with some "life things" and I want to give myself more options. I guess I am just trying to decide whether by having a plan in place I would be more likely to use it. From reading your experience I can see that isn't the case for you, but I'm trying to decide whether having a plan would be the right thing for me or not. My turn to hope that I'm making sense . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 23, 2011 Report Share Posted September 23, 2011 ((Myla)) I'm sorry that you feel the need to have a plan for suicide. Perhaps you could turn this around and make it a plan for survival? Thinking of you xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow girl Posted September 23, 2011 Report Share Posted September 23, 2011 I have a plan that would 99.9% be sure of working. I feel guilty that I have a plan because I know it would be so cruel to my daughter. I also know that when things get tht bad it makes more sense to do it because at those times I genuinley believe in the long run she would be better off without me. While in a better patch I have made a list of all the reasons I should not use the plan so that when things get that bad again I can look at the plan in the light of all the reasons to stay alive which will hopefully prevent me from using it. Sometimes I think I should tell someone my plan so I can't use it, but I know I will only come up with a new one so there's little point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted September 23, 2011 Report Share Posted September 23, 2011 Hi Shadow girl - I think having the list of reasons for not doing it when you feel like doing it is a really good idea and that's why I've liked your post xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted September 23, 2011 Report Share Posted September 23, 2011 i kinda have a plan, where, how etc, not sure it would work, due to modernisation, but i havent actioned it as in death, i will be without my children, when i OD etc, i think it is a cry for help, i try and calculate eno to keep me in hosp, but not to kill me/seriously harm me- a risky game i know as i am no medic, as i need "time out" of the real world if that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibiddi Posted September 23, 2011 Report Share Posted September 23, 2011 I have a plan, and it has many steps to it, so I could never do it on an impulse. One of those steps is to tell my CPN I am very suicidal. The reason I have that step there is I know how bleak and hopeless I can feel at times.I can not see further than the next few minutes. I know I am working on my emotions, and not reality(reality may not be the right word - but I cant think of a better one at the moment). If my CPN can see some hope in the future, then I trust her, and not carry the plan out any further. I have only gotten that far twice, and although at those times I really did want to die, I am glad I am still here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted September 23, 2011 Report Share Posted September 23, 2011 I don't really have a plan now but i have made them before, lots of times. a lot of people think having a suicide plan is a bad thing but i think it can be very comforting and knowing i don't have to be here forever makes me feel better in a weird way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted September 23, 2011 Report Share Posted September 23, 2011 I have made plans in the past and acted on them. I know when I get to the letter writing stage I am in serious risk for an attempt. Have however done very reckless things on a whim not planned. I guess in the back of my mind there is always that idae and loose plans. For example I usually have a big enough stash of meds to kill me. Like Emma has said though for me it can be a comfort and a little bit freeing at times. With my last plan I ended up admitting my steps and there was intervention which I'm now quite glad about. Usually I wouldn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to intervene. I also have a list of reasons to survive. Most of that is to do with my family and how I would wreck their lives if I went ahead. But like you when I get so down I think it is for the best. pls take care Bumble x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted September 23, 2011 Report Share Posted September 23, 2011 I don't have a suicide plan and have never written one, but I have what I call "escape plans" where I plan to run away and start my life again wihtout a past or anything. Ususally when I do that my practical voice comes in a reminds me of my responsibilities and lack of cash which is why I don't act on them. I told some friends about it and then told me that no matter where I went and what name I was living under that they would hunt me down - I think that they were trying to say that they cared. :eh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted September 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 24, 2011 Thanks everyone. I'm honestly surprised at those of you who do have plans but haven't attempted to use them. That makes me think that if I had one perhaps I wouldn't either. But I just don't want any unsuccessful impulse attempts. Ultimately I guess I just want to feel that: "I'm glad I'm still here". I've never felt that. At best I feel that I don't need to try to end it all but just accept that life is something that has to be done - a bit like dying I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dice Posted September 24, 2011 Report Share Posted September 24, 2011 I guess in a way, No matter if people have plans or not, It really don't matter??? Because at the end of the day, No one knows what is a round the corner for us... One day we could be stuggling so bloody much and people who have plans, Could start the ball rolling on it and then end up dead, And the same with people who don't have plans, They can do some thing and that could kill them... Or it could badly hurt any of us, And leave us alone and having to face each day with whateve it has done to us... But then on the other hand, We could stuggle so bad one day and not do anything and then the next day we wake up and things seem better, And we think to ourselves, Maybe we can fight this and live and not let it take over... So we never know what will happen in our lifes and I think it is all down to takng chances, Do we take that chance of dying??? Or do we take that chance of trying to fight it and live for whatever reason???... Even if we want to die, But we're still around for family, Childrens, Do we take the chance of both??? Or just always fight it... Sorry I think what I have said might confuse you "/, And I am not sure if I might of gone off the topic too, Sorry again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow girl Posted September 25, 2011 Report Share Posted September 25, 2011 Bibbiddi, I like your idea of steps along the way - I'm going to add that to mine. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SusieQ Posted September 25, 2011 Report Share Posted September 25, 2011 I don't have a suicide plan and have never written one, but I have what I call "escape plans" where I plan to run away and start my life again wihtout a past or anything. Ususally when I do that my practical voice comes in a reminds me of my responsibilities and lack of cash which is why I don't act on them. I told some friends about it and then told me that no matter where I went and what name I was living under that they would hunt me down - I think that they were trying to say that they cared. I totally relate to this. I have a plan to fake my own death and make it look like suicide, then to find a way to live as an outlaw of society. With technology being how it is today, this would be quite difficult, so I'm always revisting it and thinking of new ways to do it. Of course I wouldn't do it for many reasons, but there's something about it that gives me a weird feeling of freedom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted September 25, 2011 Report Share Posted September 25, 2011 I have a plan too, but it's in my head as a comfort blanket. In the past, when I have felt v v depressed with thoughts of suicide, there is no way I could have summoned the energy to carry out this plan! So I think I have the plan for a completely different reason....it helps me get through bad days that aren't quite bad enough. Hope that makes sense! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules7 Posted September 25, 2011 Report Share Posted September 25, 2011 I don't really have a plan set in stone, but I have thought about how I would do it, if I just couldn't take anymore.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted September 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2011 Dice, please don't apologise. Are you're saying that it doesn't make a difference if you have a plan or not because life could still end if an attempt is made? I guess my assumption is that a planned attempt is likely to be more successful although I admit I have no evidence to back this up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted September 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2011 ...when I have felt v v depressed with thoughts of suicide, there is no way I could have summoned the energy to carry out this plan! Yes I could see that happening to me too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted September 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2011 I don't have a suicide plan and have never written one, but I have what I call "escape plans" where I plan to run away and start my life again wihtout a past or anything. Ususally when I do that my practical voice comes in a reminds me of my responsibilities and lack of cash which is why I don't act on them. I told some friends about it and then told me that no matter where I went and what name I was living under that they would hunt me down - I think that they were trying to say that they cared. I totally relate to this. I have a plan to fake my own death and make it look like suicide, then to find a way to live as an outlaw of society. With technology being how it is today, this would be quite difficult, so I'm always revisting it and thinking of new ways to do it. Of course I wouldn't do it for many reasons, but there's something about it that gives me a weird feeling of freedom. Antartic Leech, I'm genuinely curious about the attraction of living as an outlaw of society. This petrifies me as wouldn't life be very much more difficult? I have had ideas of taking out a life insurance policy and then planning a suicide that doesn't look like suicide (so the policy would pay out). Though I've never managed to successfully plan this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dice Posted September 26, 2011 Report Share Posted September 26, 2011 Dice, please don't apologise. Are you're saying that it doesn't make a difference if you have a plan or not because life could still end if an attempt is made? I guess my assumption is that a planned attempt is likely to be more successful although I admit I have no evidence to back this up. Yes that is what I was trying to say... Even if we think a plan is fool-proof, How do we really know it will work, We could be stopp'd, Found, Many things could happen and we don't die... I guess I am just trying to say no matter if we think our plan's are fool-proof, It doesn't mean we will die, If we do it... And the same with out plans... You know we hear about so many people trying to take their own lifes and it didn't work, Did they plan it??? Or did they not???, And again they has been people who have tried to take their own life and it work'd for them, Was it a plan or was it not???... I guess we'll never know ourselves unless people with plans do it, Or people with out plans try some thing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueberry Posted September 26, 2011 Report Share Posted September 26, 2011 I have planned my suicide in my head many times, I am not so sure if I would act it out though, I often think of the people that I would hurt if I was to kill myself even though at the time when I am serverly depressed I don't think about all that but they are still at the back of my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avidfan Posted September 27, 2011 Report Share Posted September 27, 2011 I don't have a plan as such, I do sit down sometimes and run through my suicide and if it would work-which I think it would. I have 4 kids though, my eldest is 17 and my youngest is 10. They mean the world to me and my youngest would definitely suffer the most as he is constantly with me-he always has been since he was a baby-he's like my shadow. My children and wife are the only reason I haven't killed myself, the ironic thing is that I'm slowly killing myself with my lifestyle. I just wish I had more self control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted September 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2011 Dice, yes so true. I have planned my suicide in my head many times, I am not so sure if I would act it out though, I often think of the people that I would hurt if I was to kill myself even though at the time when I am serverly depressed I don't think about all that but they are still at the back of my mind. Thanks Blueberry. I often imagine or dream about my own suicide. But it is pure fantasy because once I start analysing it becomes obvious that in real life the attempt would be unsuccessful. I don't have a plan as such, I do sit down sometimes and run through my suicide and if it would work-which I think it would. I have 4 kids though, my eldest is 17 and my youngest is 10. They mean the world to me and my youngest would definitely suffer the most as he is constantly with me-he always has been since he was a baby-he's like my shadow. My children and wife are the only reason I haven't killed myself, the ironic thing is that I'm slowly killing myself with my lifestyle. I just wish I had more self control. I hate slow death but life is feeling a bit like that at the moment. I'm glad your wife and kids have that 'pull' to keep you here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PlasticInsanity Posted October 1, 2011 Report Share Posted October 1, 2011 I didn't have a method in place per se, but I had a timeline. I was living with the goal in mind that I wouldn't be here by the time I was 25. Even now at 23, I'm still surprised I'm here. My plan was about 99%, I can't swim at all so the bridge was to be my escape. However, I am now living with the realization that it is best for everyone if i stay. even as I typed that, it kind of feels like a lie, but I know that's just the side of me that wants to escape the pain and take the easy way out, not work through everything. I never went through with it yet, and I'm hoping not to in the future, because I've always been scared of my plan failing and me living through the attempt with everyone finding out. I think that goes for alot of others too, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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