Suicide Plan?

[wordsmithy]

killing yourself is scary. yeah i wanna do it but i'm still too scared. i got my exact suicide plan in my wallet for the past year but fear is what stops me. scary as having to shoot some dude in the head and live the consequences of death.

you get famous people who've thought frequently and continuously about for forty, fifty years and one day they they do it. for most people, i don't think suicide is the thing you do the day you think of it. you live with death.

[wordsmithy]

I have a plan too, but it's in my head as a comfort blanket.

oh i get that comfort blanket thingy, its like my plan b. my armour. emergency exit.

[Dibley]

I have a plan, I even have my notes wrote out for people. I wouldn't say my plan is fool proof, something could always go wrong.

[icu_baby]

I have made plans in the past and acted on them. I know when I get to the letter writing stage I am in serious risk for an attempt. Have however done very reckless things on a whim not planned. I guess in the back of my mind there is always that idae and loose plans. For example I usually have a big enough stash of meds to kill me. Like Emma has said though for me it can be a comfort and a little bit freeing at times. With my last plan I ended up admitting my steps and there was intervention which I'm now quite glad about. Usually I wouldn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to intervene. I also have a list of reasons to survive. Most of that is to do with my family and how I would wreck their lives if I went ahead. But like you when I get so down I think it is for the best. pls take care Bumble x

Dear bumble, you must be in a lot of pain to have a plan. I have had a plan and been near death several times. Sometimes I am tired of life but really its about desperately trying to stop the excruciating pain then to permanently die.

This is a huge realisation for me and maybe you can identify with this. Now I am trying to focus on reducing the pain without resorting to suicide. Despite my struggle with intense saddness and emptiness life is beautiful.

[unlucky]

I have a plan. It's not foolproof, but it's enough that I won't go through with it unless I am sure I want to die. I haven't gone through with it mainly because of my husband, I don't know if I could bear to leave him, even though I am bringing him down so much.

Some people know I have a plan, but nobody knows what it is. I don't think I would tell anyone now, I would have told my CPN but since she has fucked me over so many times, I'm not telling anyone now. Not even the new CPN. Who is also shit.

It's like what fedup! said, it's having a comfort blanket, knowing you have a plan kind of makes you a little calmer, because you don't have to panic so much about what will happen if things go wrong.

[stjaninaro]

I have both a plan and a date.

[SusieQ]

I don't have a suicide plan and have never written one, but I have what I call "escape plans" where I plan to run away and start my life again wihtout a past or anything.

Ususally when I do that my practical voice comes in a reminds me of my responsibilities and lack of cash which is why I don't act on them. I told some friends about it and then told me that no matter where I went and what name I was living under that they would hunt me down - I think that they were trying to say that they cared.

I totally relate to this. I have a plan to fake my own death and make it look like suicide, then to find a way to live as an outlaw of society. With technology being how it is today, this would be quite difficult, so I'm always revisting it and thinking of new ways to do it. Of course I wouldn't do it for many reasons, but there's something about it that gives me a weird feeling of freedom.

Antartic Leech, I'm genuinely curious about the attraction of living as an outlaw of society. This petrifies me as wouldn't life be very much more difficult? I have had ideas of taking out a life insurance policy and then planning a suicide that doesn't look like suicide (so the policy would pay out). Though I've never managed to successfully plan this.

I constantly feel like an outlaw to society so this really is just a formality. Yesterday I actually thought about going AWOL, i.e. getting in my car and driving off somewhere without telling anyone. But I know that all I am really trying to do is validate the feeling that I am not a member of society by effectively taking myself out of it.

Its weird the grand schemes we dream up, just to some way make ourselves feel alive.

[SusieQ]

I have made plans in the past and acted on them. I know when I get to the letter writing stage I am in serious risk for an attempt. Have however done very reckless things on a whim not planned. I guess in the back of my mind there is always that idae and loose plans. For example I usually have a big enough stash of meds to kill me. Like Emma has said though for me it can be a comfort and a little bit freeing at times. With my last plan I ended up admitting my steps and there was intervention which I'm now quite glad about. Usually I wouldn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to intervene. I also have a list of reasons to survive. Most of that is to do with my family and how I would wreck their lives if I went ahead. But like you when I get so down I think it is for the best. pls take care Bumble x

Dear bumble, you must be in a lot of pain to have a plan. I have had a plan and been near death several times. Sometimes I am tired of life but really its about desperately trying to stop the excruciating pain then to permanently die.

This is a huge realisation for me and maybe you can identify with this. Now I am trying to focus on reducing the pain without resorting to suicide. Despite my struggle with intense saddness and emptiness life is beautiful.

I entirely agree with icu. When you realise that you are just trying to escape a painful feeling, you can work on other ways to reduce the pain.