flippy Posted May 27, 2004 Report Share Posted May 27, 2004 I have an amazing friend who is supportive about my bpd but i worry that i will lose her because of how it makes me react sometimes for example last night i was struggling and i needed her but i didnt know how i needed her and i didnt ask and so she gave me space but this made me angry because i felt she didnt care and was dismissive of my struggles. i know this wasnt the case and never would be. we talked today and she apologised but what was she apologising for she hadnt actually done anything wrong it was the way i reacted. so now i feel horrible and ashamed because she felt she had to apologise when it was my problem. had i have said i need you she would have got in the car and come to see me whatever i needed she would have been there but most of the time i dont know what i need we have a great friendship it is 50/50 and she is always there for me but she isnt a mind reader and i cant articulate my needs and i dont want to drive her away im sorry this probably doesnt make any sense but i needed to write it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted May 27, 2004 Report Share Posted May 27, 2004 Dear flippy, what a classic example of BPD. You need her and dont ask and when shes not there you are upset. What a good friend you have there.... But, please dont tie yourself up in knots over the way you felt. As a true friend, I am sure she understood what was going on - you have BPD and if she knows it she can allow for certain behavioural patterns or problems. I have got friends who know I have BPD and treat me accordingly, they leave if I fly into a rage, and always come back when I have settled and they are very understanding of my sensitivity. Your friend sounds like she is doing okay so please dont beat yourself up now. If you feel bad, tell her and tell her why - I bet she says something to make you feel better. Stick with it flippy.... take care Ginny ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest_shiney35 Posted May 28, 2004 Report Share Posted May 28, 2004 gosh ginny i wish i had friends that are as understanding as yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted May 28, 2004 Author Report Share Posted May 28, 2004 thx guys ginny, i talked to her today and showed her your reply and she was cool and said i hadnt got to worry. it was good to know that someone understands my thinking, i think this place is going to be good for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wabbit Posted May 29, 2004 Report Share Posted May 29, 2004 Flippy, you know when you go to therapy and they ask you what your suicide triggers are, if you have a code word? (sorry to use this as an example but it was the only thing I could think of) Like if I told my therapist or my Case manager that I was on the bridge, she would know that I wasnt doing so hot, and needed some intervention. Maybe it will help for you and your friend, to have a code word or phrase so that you dont have to tell her that things arent happy, she will know, and it will take the guess work out of it for you and her. She sounds like the kinda friend that every BPD should have, and I dont think she is going anywhere soon. You are very fortunate, as is she. Seems like you both have a good thing going. I think the best thing for both of you is to know each others boundaries, and how much sass you can both take, and try not to cross those boundaries. But seems like you are both doing OK with each other. Friends are a good thing to have, and it sounds like she is a definite keeper. Take Care. Sandra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted May 29, 2004 Author Report Share Posted May 29, 2004 thx sandra we are going to talk about ways to deal with this part of the bpd and probably will have some sort of code so she knows where i am at flippy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Song Posted June 16, 2004 Report Share Posted June 16, 2004 Flippy & mod, I feel that way all the time!It's like I get so offended if they don't consider my needs as important as I do! Also, I have had friends who pull back 100% when I start to "misbehave", I don't hear from them again for months, they only want to talk to me about "safe" things that I consider to be an absolute bore! And yet I just crave to be normal! I beat myself up that I just can't seem to be interested in or enjoy these "normal" and socially acdeptable niceties of life, AND here is the zinger ~ I fool myself into thinking that these friends are really gossipping about me behind my back and they DO talk about more interesting things when I am not there! I feel like they are always hiding "what's really going on" from me!!!! Then I get mad and resentful of them and start sulking, which only furthers the vicious cycle even more! It's like I just can't act "normal" if I don't feel like it, and if they were my friends, they would try to understand and drop everything in their lives to help me out. I know that is WRONG thinking, but I am trying to stop my feelings from leading me, and I am working on that, it gets me nowhere. God Bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted June 16, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2004 at the back of my mind i have "h's not a mind reader" and try to focus on this when i am feeling angry because she hasnt responded how i want her to, i am slowly getting there but we talk loads and she is unbelievably understanding and patient with me i am so very lucky, i wish all people with bpd had a friend like i do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted June 24, 2004 Report Share Posted June 24, 2004 Flippy, I just read your post and haven't read any of the responses yet, but want you to know that it made perfect sense. My husband is having the same struggle this evening. I've asked if he needs anything, he says no. He's probably feeling like I should know what he needs if I love him. I'm thinking he needs space. It's frustrating, yet it does not effect my love for him, as I'm sure it doesn't effect the love your friend has for you. She's appologizing to you... Not for what she did, but for wanting to help and not knowing how. It's b/c she loves you. There few words to describe what we need to say to make it better. I long to know what my husband needs from me. It's so difficult to accept that I'm not responsible for his happiness.... when I want to make him happy. ok, i'm going to finish reading this thread now. blessings to you and your true friend, Lanie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
budgie Posted June 24, 2004 Report Share Posted June 24, 2004 Just want to say Ginny hit the nail on the spot. It is a CLASSIC sign of BPD. There. Take care. All the best Bud Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted June 25, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2004 thx guys i still find it incredibly frustrating that she isnt a mind reader but then again i havent got a clue what i need most of the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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