Fuck-My-Life Posted October 8, 2011 Report Share Posted October 8, 2011 So I wont deny I am still not in my "crisis phase", however, I took a step back just now when having a shower and thought about my mood. I wont also deny I got upset over a guy. Now before you all go "take a break from relationships", that is exactly what I was doing, but I cant help who I fall for. Anyway, this guy said he liked me, and I genuinely didnt put any barriers up. The warning signs came this week however; I found out he watched porn. I know thats a point of view that differs for everyone, but as I said in a previous thread, I was brought up to believe it degrades women etc. I spoke to my male cousin about it last night, he said it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks, its how I feel about it. Plus, when I mentioned about when I got upset at having to see some things that were distressing on my clinical visit to Intensive Care unit, he asked the sort of jobs I had to do when on placement. I said I couldnt refer to anything specific due to confidentiality, but said I have had to do last offices (washing someone who has just died), breaking bad news, normal ward stuff. His response was "Yuck". I thought, er, that's someones brother/sister/mother/father etc!! How can you be that insensitive. This morning really was the straw that broke the camels back. Called me a "moody teenager" when I wouldnt send him a dirty pic to "make him cum", and just generally was a dick. I said to him when I calmed down how much he had hurt me, and I am now receiving desperate texts saying "please, I'm sorry" can I call etc. However, I have ignored them. I remembered the last time, the last guy I really liked as you all know, and who broke my heart. I thought, no, not going there again, no matter how much I like him. They say BPD is about not learning from past mistakes. Sure, I'm a bit off recovery, but surely having the strength to say no (I havent done DBT) is good, no? Migrane is still sore, but I'm in the health profession so can deal with it lol. I think I will be bad tonight and have a chippie, and then get back to eating well again tomorrow. Though no alcohol; I was really pleased actually cos although in crisis last night, I managed to put the bottle down of liqueur, convince myself to go to bed and not touch a drop (I'm not an alcoholic but tend to be impulsive with it in crisis). The MH nurse from NHS this morning said that I can recognise the signs of being unwell now, she said I did the right thing to "catch it in its early stages before it developed into something more critical", and just to try and take care of myself today, no studying, just get myself back on track. I sort of feel there has been a mini breakthrough, I would like to think so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted October 8, 2011 Report Share Posted October 8, 2011 I'm pleased that you've taken a step back and had a good think about things and realised what the triggers are to you feeling so bad at the moment. I hope things will get better for you again now xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted October 8, 2011 Report Share Posted October 8, 2011 FML, Good for you, it takes strength of character. Strength you have. Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breadroll Posted October 8, 2011 Report Share Posted October 8, 2011 Good for you! I've known a lot of men like that and none of them have been very good news. It sounds like you're doing really well I wish I could be a bit more strong willed like you! xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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