SusieQ Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 Does anyone sometimes get the urge when they are at work to tell a complete stranger on the phone or via e-mail that they are feeling suicidal? I've had this urge several times this week and I have to stop myself, sometimes not answering the phone or responding to things. It usually happens when I have made a mistake or done something badly. Its like I want to justify my neglect by telling them how I feel, which is partialy true, but not a professional thing to say. Its also quite disturbing that I feel more tempted to talk to people who I don't know then those who are close. My own mother doesn't know how I feel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyChain Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 I often have to hold myself back from breaking down to strangers and telling them the truth, I look into their eyes and want them to know why I am such a fuck up, like they could read my mind. I want them to love me anyway and just hold me. I know I wouldnt do it, I know they wouldnt respond how I imagine I want them to. And as for not confiding in those closest, thats my safety mechanism, they cant throw it back in my face or try to take over if they dont know. So I sit at home and carve words into my legs, or hide in my bed and hope someone will come save me some day. At least I have here, even if I dont talk much, I can at least feel silently understood With love to you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 Hey AL, not seen you about in a while, (whether that's cause you haven't been or because i'm just an unobservant muppet, i'm not sure! but either way... ) it's good to see you posting. Strangely enough, i was talking about this the other day. I get these urges to spill all at people, like picking L up from school one of the other mum's said hi, asked how i was doing... just polite chit-chat to pass the time, you know the sort. I was bollocking myself in my head about shutting up, as it felt like if i opened my mouth everything would come pouring out, how i'm really feeling, and why, and all that. Was hard to just say "yeah, i'm okay thanks, just regretting not wearing a coat! Yourself?". A couple weeks ago, i bumped into a friend in town, and he was with 2 other friends. I got nervous and quiet, and then instead of just saying hi and carrying on the conversation with the three of them, i turned to the two i didn't know once the convo with the friend was over and started spewing about how i'm really sorry if i come across as cold or distant or whatever, but i struggle with anx and find it difficult to talk to people, and... blah blah blah...! It was really embarrassing, and one of them went "ahh, that's okay, I get anxious with new people too.... you've not had a problem explaining that to us, though - you talked okay. well done!" and giggled, and i felt like a fking idiot. It's harder with people i don't know, it's like all this word vom threatens to come out, and i have to try and hold it back. Probably something to do with not having to see them in everyday life, hence removes some awkwardness that i find with those in my life who do know what's going on with me, and the assumptions they can make ( that i'm not just in a mood cause you've pissed me off, i'm in a mood because i've skipped my meds, and now i'm prob gunna go SH etc, because that's what i do... that kind of thing) But I don't want random strangers thinking i'm crazy! (enough people know that for sure without adding more!) xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuck-My-Life Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 Hey AL, I can really relate to this. Sorry if this isnt what you mean, but for me, say when I ring up T-Mobile or Hydro Electric or something, and feeling bad, I just want to start crying and tell this stranger how I am feeling. I dont know why I or anyone else does it, but I can only guess its because its a feeling of wanting to be looked after if that makes sense? Like for me, when I want to do this, its my way of saying "Please help me". x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 I dont talk to anyone if i can help it but if something goes wrong when i do or if they seem to be laughing at me or taking offence at me i get this urge to explain maybe its because so many of us are desperate to find people who really understand and some of us already know that the people in our lives already don't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 Hey I am a bit mixed on this cos I do a bit a both. I think what is interesting is that the general concept is that it is easier to talk to someone you don't know, as they wont have any biased views or give advice or think they know best. I have talked to lots of people who I don't know and sometimes it has helped and other times it hasn't, I still feel unheard. I have always felt I cannot talk to my family, and I wouldn't turn to them in a crisis, but in actual fact the times I have allowed them that chance, they usually come through for me. I know with toast, and I have not felt this with anyone else in the world, that I can really talk to her, and I know that noone can really understand another completely I feel she does, and gets. As for randomly telling strangers I have had this a few times, its almost like, and I hope this comes across right, its like its almost a shock factor, and knowing they cannot do anything. I dont think i have had that urge recently. Do you think that maybe you could relieve this urge by saying it to someone like the Samaritans? It may help? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SusieQ Posted October 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2011 I'm pleased I'm not the only one who gets this. Crippie - you're not an unobservent muppet. I don't come on here that much as I don't really get a lot of time to at the mo. I think I've noticed another thing about this. Its like there's a part of me that wants to shock people, especially at work when people deal with me in a very impersonal 'professional' manner. I want to communicate that I am a person, with feelings, often very dark and intense, and if they can't relate to me on that level, or can't understand that, then they have no right to tell me what to do, judge me or criticize me in any way. Pie - good idea with the Samaritans, maybe I'll call them next time I'm feeling that way, I guess my response this time was posting on here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lois_Lane Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 (((AL))) It is common that it feels easier to talk to strangers about our problems than to close ones. But I think it's nessesery to tell your mum how you feel, so she can help you. I didn't wanna tell my parents either for years about my problems, but when I did, I got the proper help and I am doing very well right now. Take care. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.