Christine001 Posted October 25, 2011 Report Share Posted October 25, 2011 cant sleep, feel ill with cold and have therapy in the morning. as usual I dont want to go. its a waste of time. he talked a bit about identity last week, been lying here trying to discribe myself. cant. I think I knew myself better before seeing him, now I am so confused and I dont need to be more confused. what the fuck is therapy supposed to do? I think its all bullshit based on psychological fantasy, how can talking make any difference. he keeps on about me being angry and asking if I am angry with him. well just because of his insistance I am not going to be angry. Oh shit its like a sureal game. how the f do I get to sleep??????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 Hi (christine) Sorry you cant sleep. I have big probs with identity & anger, that have been flaring up. Identity is a pretty abstract thing , and i find it a difficult one too. Anger is a horror that seems to 'take over' for me anyway. Do you reckon you'll go tommorrow? You might feel better for going? But if you have a cold look after yourself too, xx am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 hope I can get up, sorry just confused atm. If I dont go he.ll read something into that, god he thinks he is so important, maybe try to express some of this maybe. got to get some sleep hope I wake up in time to get the bus coz I still dont have my bloody licence back, another headfuck. thanks kitteth for bothering to read and reply xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 No worries, hope you can catch some zzzzzzz's. Maybe have a chat with him about how you perceive him? Goodnight & sleep tight xx am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 I can relate to the identity thing and my CPN said that therapy would be a good idea to explore this but services won't touch me with a barge pole here because I am too unstable. When I start to think about it I get myself really confused. I hope you feel better in the morning and are able to get there xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 well no sleep so far Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 Oh Christine - sorry didn't realise you were still up. Have you tried the soak in the bath and relaxation exercises? I can understand why you are still awake though because you have got a lot going through your mind about tomorrow - can you write those worries down and get them out of your head and then try to sleep. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 Hi didnt manage to go to T or work, feel awful ill physically was awake until 4.30am, so that didnt help, why oh why cant I just be normal,. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 (((((((Christine))))))) he sounds like my drama therapist, too caught up in his clever theories to listen to what we're actually saying I stayed seeing him for over a year just in case it got better and i'm glad i gave him a chance but it never did get better. sometimes therapy is a waste of time because the therapist or the style of therapy is wrong for you I hope you feel better soon xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 Hi emma, thanks for your comments, I think I need to be brave talk to him about these things, sort of my next step forward. I was upset yesterday but I do think the therapy is good but such hard work and being poorly I think I just got overwhelmed. I am sorry about your therapy though, are you going to be doing anything else? I almost did art therapy but was told I wasnt suitable as too unstable.I am glad I got the chance to do 1-1. and I am lucky to have it its just bloody hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 I'm glad your feeling better about it, everything usually does feel worse when you feel ill I'm on the waiting list to see a psychologist and for group drama therapy, hopefully at least one of them will work out this time. m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 ((((christine)))) think that is a good idea to write down or talk to him about how you're finding it even stuff about if you're finding the therapy or him invalidating in some way. i found the group therapy awful and it definitely made me more aware of all my problems and what i dislike about myself. even tho its often said it makes you worse before better for me i found it really hard to grasp that when it was actually happening. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 Sorry you have had such a bad day. I'm pleased I don't go to therapy, it would only be something else for me to worry about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 ((Christine)) sorry you didn't make it to T or work - be kind to yourself my lovely xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 another bad say feeling ill, i dont have any resiliance as I am surviving on my role asmum but today thats not working, if i could go to sleep and no wake up that would be good, and less dispair to those that depend on me than a violent act. feeling very very sorry for myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted October 29, 2011 Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 :hug2: Christine :hug2: xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted October 29, 2011 Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 (((Christine))) I'd wondered if you were still feeling bad. I struggled with therapy in the beginning. It's got easier with time for me. I know that feeling of not wanting to wake up. It's like a halfway house isn't it? Not bad enough to end it ourselves, but happy to let someone else put us out of our misery xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 I feel bad today thanks for trying my dear friends. I dont feel I deserve it at all, cats mum how do you do it be so wonderful when you dont feel so well. I cant do this living anymore I am worn out. will try to sleep and hope tommorrow is a better day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted October 29, 2011 Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 Sweet dreams and I really do hope that tomorrow is a better day for you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted October 29, 2011 Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 (((christine)))you definitely deserve it. i hope tomorrow is better for you xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted October 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 thanks vivien, still feel like crap chest infection I think. House is so messy and dirty, Ds friends mum came to pick them both up and I am so ashamed at what state the house and they were in. fatigue is so bad, need a hug again, wish I had a mum to come over and help me, but never had that sort of help. feeling very sorry for myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted October 30, 2011 Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 (((christine)))it doesn't reflect badly on you the state of the house, when you are better it'll be in order again. its ok to feel sad for the things you didn't have (i look at my friends mums a lot and think 'wow they actually talk to their kids!' its amazing) i always worry that if i do let myself feel sad for those things then its wrong because there is the worry of where will it end in away, and i might get completely lost in the sadness of it. i don't think this has to happen and sometimes your mind will throw uncomfortable stuff up for you to deal with because it ultimately wants to move on from it. denying emotions can sometimes make them more troublesome. maybe this sadness could be something you mention this to your therapist. best wishes xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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