Data Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 Well I've had two sessions so far with my new counsellor. She works very different from the last one, I previously had 2 years of psychodynamic therapy. This lady takes a person-centred approach. I am not sure if it will do me any good but I am hoping so. She is only a 15 minute walk from my house, she seems nice, she is well qualified (has an MSc degree and is BACP registered) and has experience in many areas, including personality disorders. One of the things she brought up at the last session was transactional analysis. I read a book about this in the 1990s, but I'd largely forgotten about it. Its a fascinating topic. There is a link to an explanation of it here: http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/ta.htm (mods: I hope this is ok). My counsellor explained that the ideal is that our relationships involve adult-adult conversations. However, in my life a lot of it is Parent-Child. When I am drinking I am like a spoiled child and my wife is the critical parent (CP in the above diagram). When my wife messes things up around the house, I take on the role of the critical parent. When I am with my mum I revert to the child and she is ALWAYS the parent. At face value this makes sense but I am 38 years old: I don't need to be parented any more!!! When I am with my mate Kevin, he is very much like a child (despite being over 40 years old) so I tend to go into parent mode. On this forum, I am in adult mode when I am discussing things logically and rationally, like in this post. However, when I am supporting people I can tend to go into the nurturing parent role. Sometimes, in the past I have made posts when I've admitted to all sorts of personal stuff on here, all my faults, and I think I was in the child role then, and I attracted a lot of criticism here (from people in the critical parent role). Its amazing how much of human relationships are explained by transactional analysis. I'm hoping to become more aware of this, and to try to apply it to my own life to improve my relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemmy Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 Heard a little about this before it is very interesting to step back, look at what you do, how you do it, how you say things, when you say things, how you want to feel and how you do feel. I find anything like this helpful so thank you for sharing your experience. My head is like mush at the moment but I am sure I will come back to this. xx :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 Hi Data This made total sense to me and I'm glad you have found a therapist who can help you see things from a different point of view I think one of the things you have to work on is your child-parent relationship with your mother. I understand she is never going to change but that does not mean it is too late for you. good luck with the forthcoming sessions. P.S this can only help withe interactions between you wife and children all the best starry xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted October 29, 2011 Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 I had a counsellor who loved transactional analysis!! I grew to love it too so hope you find it useful. I used to revert to CHILD with my mum, I don't anymore (well extremely rarely) and the relationship has improved so much for the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prowlinglioness Posted October 29, 2011 Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 its weird for me ive just realised that with me and my daughter im the child and shes.the cp. wonder how that happened ! glad its helping u data. look forward 2 more updates all the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted October 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 its weird for me ive just realised that with me and my daughter im the child and shes.the cp. wonder how that happened ! If you ever watch Absolutely Fabulous, its a bit like that. The daughter is the sensible and disapproving one, the parent is the irresponsible one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prowlinglioness Posted October 29, 2011 Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 hmm im not irresponaible but shes always dissaproving of me and makes me feel like im the kid in the wrong. guess thats just kids tho. but she is 21 not 12 ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catspiracy Posted October 29, 2011 Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 Sounds like an interesting course of treatment Alan Watts does a lecture about one-up vs. one-down. Instead of viewing it as parent/child, he sees it as an alpha/beta or hierarchical thing. Very interesting. looking forward to more, love, cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted October 29, 2011 Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 My mum always makes me feel like a stupid little child but she probably really believes i am one! we don't have a relationship as 2 adults, no way. the idea of talking to her as an equal seems really disrespectful. idk why. I don't feel disrespectful giving people advice on here, tho i can't actually do it atm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow girl Posted November 1, 2011 Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 Funny you should start this topic. Last time I saw my CPN I thought he was criticising me when he mentioned functioning in child mode. I was irritated and like a petulant child objected with "I'm not childish!" He went on to clarify that in TA child mode is not the same as childish and we all move between parent, child and adult naturally. He then suggested I read a book, "Counselling for Toads" which is a highly readable take on TA and the counselling process based on wind in the willows characters. My hubby loved the book and has got himself another book about TA to read some more - I quite enjoyed the style of the story but some of the TA philosophy expressed made me fume and I shall discuss that with my CPN when I see him on Thursday. Glad you've found a counsellor you relate to. Hope it continues to go well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2011 My counsellor recommended that book also Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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