toaster Posted October 30, 2011 Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 As a child I had quite bad OCD. This is something I have never thought to tell any doctor or therapist - not because I am purposely keeping it a secret, I just never have thought! As a child, I would lay worrying about the plug sockets being left turned on. I would lay awake until people were asleep, creep out of bed and crawl to the plug sockets and turn them off. I would wake early in the morning and turn them back on. I would kick my wardrobe 8 times, click my throat 8 times, scratch or clap my hands 8 times...the number 8 still plays a big part in my life although I try not to let it control me. OCD back then ruled my life to a point. If I got caught getting out of bed to turn the sockets off, I would be shouted at and told to get back to bed. I would cry silently, the panic and fear overtaking me. I was convinced the house was going to blow up or burn down. If I couldn't kick my wardrobe or whatever wall I wanted to kick (when I say 'kick' I don't mean in an aggressive way - I had to feel 'even') I would become extremely anxious and worried. A lot of these behaviours disappeared as time went on, although I am still neurotic and have little rituals. A few years ago my pdoc at the time suggested that some of my self-harming behaviour was linked to OCD. So, now...I get random, intrusive thoughts about doing things. They are normally things that would result in my being hurt but I don't do the behaviour TO hurt myself, I do it to carry out the compulsion. Does anyone else have OCD in this form? OCD is publicly viewed, mainly thanks to the media, as hand-washing, cleaning etc. I have met people with this form of it and I know what a struggle it is for them. My most recent 'thought' is to inject air into my veins. It is like...the thought isn't there, then it is! And it just stops at that - 'you need to inject air into your veins' - that's it. No thought or idea of consequences, the thought isn't there as a suicidal thought, a self-harm thought, nothing. It is just a thought, like someone else's thought but an intrusive thought that will plague me until I act upon it. The idea of this post is that I WON'T act upon the thought. I have looked up syringes online today then it was at that point I told Pie what was going on. Thank you for reading xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BimoUK Posted October 30, 2011 Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 I really feel for you Toast. I've never experienced any form of OCD myself, that is, nothing that I can put a finger on myself, but I can imagine how infuriating it must be. On occassion I develop little tics, I make a strange noise in my throat for no apparent reason. I don't have to do it a set number of times or anything like that, but when it takes me I HAVE to do it, I can't not. I've never been able to identify what brings it on and it always stops as abruptly as it starts, though it can linger for weeks on end. This most recent thought you describe is quite alarming though. You must do whatever you can to keep yourself from acting upon it. As I'm sure you're aware, injecting air into your veins would almost certainly be fatal. It's good that you've spoken to Pie about it so that she can help keep you grounded when the thoughts come. I do hope that this one disappears as abruptly as my throat thing does. x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted October 30, 2011 Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 Hugs to you toast. It's good you talked to Pie about it x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted October 30, 2011 Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 I had a lot of ocd tendencies as a child, mostly things like when i set a glass down on a table i had to tap the rim at the top, if i moved it and put it back down it had to be tapped again, Light switches we had a light that for the hallway upstairs that be can turned on or off from upstairs and down, but if the switch downstairs was set to on and the light was off i had to switch it to off and then change the light from upstairs. if a door was partly open (bedroom. wardrobe, anything) i had to open it fully before closing it, most of these as you have described disappeared with time but i still have odd rituals i do often without realizing it, I had a disturbing compulsion today, we went to london to the MCM expo, and had a fantastic day, but i we traveled by train and had to change several times in london/on the underground, at every station we stopped at, i kept feeling this compulsion telling me i had to jump on the train tracks, an action that would have likely lead to my death, I was in a group of 5 people however and i sort of clinged to 2 of them and made sure they were leading me, i don't understand and cant explain why but something kept telling me i had to jump on the tracks and it was a thought that even though i did not act upon it i could not get out of my head. :S I wish I had an answer for you, i don't understand it myself, only that I can relate somewhat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted October 30, 2011 Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 I have this,its very scary isnt it?! It is very much a part of OCD the obsessions part. Compulsions is rituals etc. I would like to suggest reading the book The impof the mind by Lee Baer and is specifically about these kind of thoughts. I found it very helpful and I know others have too. Lily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted October 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2011 bob, i often have the 'jump on the tracks' urge as well :blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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