Do I Have An Eating Problem?

[lauraw2693]

Sometimes I think I have an eating problem, sometimes my eating is fine. Recently its all over the place, I either eat way too much, don't eat at all or eat normally and be sick because of feeling guilty, fat, ugly etc. I don't know what sets it off, apart from one of the voices encourages me to purge and tells me all the reasons I need to or tells me I don't deserve to eat. When I feel down I believe him and do it just to get some peace and quiet, but that often doesn't work, he then makes fun of me for being weak. I can't win. Its starting to affect my stomach again, I've been sick a few times recently unintentionally, it's not stopped me purging though, I just feel so dirty, I don't know what to do. I mentioned it to my t and she was just talking generally about not listening to that critical voice, I understand what she's saying but it's not that simple :(

[DJJK]

I tend to eat a lot more when I'm depressed - it feels like my body asking for comfort and telling me that I need certain things to sustain. But then I also get the voice that beats me up for it.

At the moment, I've managed to convince myself that with the weather as it is, I'm going into hibernation mode and that a little extra weight in the cold, will keep me warm!

I know it's a dumb little game I play with my own brain, but it's working for now.

I would say that for me, it's not necessarily about denying the critical voice, but more a case of finding a way to pacify it.

KX

[ILostHer]

Hiya, I think we use eating as a form of control when we are feeling so lacking in it. So that could be one of the reasons, to try and have some 'hold' over at least one things in our lives. And food is probably the easiest way because it's entirely up to us.

I also have a bulimic other, she binges and purges, and I often find myself in the bathroom not knowing what happened.

I don't have the answer, sorry, in the thick of an ED. But I do truly believe that eating issues won't get sorted until our other issues are.

When your head feels so 'messy' it is bound to make your appetite messy. Food can be a huge comfort but the guilt is overwhelming. I would urge you to try to avoid purging, it messes up the electrolyes and natural balances in your body and is not only dangerous but makes MH worse.

When you have eaten and feel you need to purge, try to wait ten minutes, as the food will feel less prominent in your tummy and the guilt feelings lessen.

I have just eaten some toast (first thing in 24 hours....so I have no need to feel guilty but I do) and I know that in ten-twenty minutes I won't be able to feel the food inside of me. And my instinct to purge will go.

Sorry if I've been no help, I understand that dirty feeling...but you're not. You're lovely xxx

[lauraw2693]

Thanks for both the replies, I understand the comfort eating when you go into 'hibernation' mode DJJK, though its the rest of it I don't understand.. This voice, or alter, whatever it is, doesn't seem to be calmed down by anything, I give him what he wants (hurting myself, no eating, purging etc) but its never enough, I'm not sure my t understands that.

Charlotte, you're definitely right its a control thing I think but I am starting to wonder how much of it is me if you know what I mean - like you I find myself 'coming back' and a load of empty junk food wrappers of things I don't remember buying. Other times I'm aware of what I'm doing but I just feel like I'm watching, I'm not in control.

My counsellor suggested that my major mood swings are down to conflicting feelings from all the others, even when I am aware of whats going on, so I was thinking maybe its the same with eating - like one doesn't want to eat, one wants to comfort eat, one wants to binge and purge, and I have no idea what I want, well I do I want a healthy relationship with food but I've never had one.

I do try and avoid the purging as like I said its not really something I want to be doing but it just seems to keep happening. I think I switch other times to avoid it, I binge and I'm going to purge but I disappear then when I come back the feeling has passed, same with when I'm not eating someone often eats for me. I guess there is a healthy part of me as well as all the rest.

You have been helpful lovely, thank you xxx