Tattoo's ?

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im wondering if tattoos that i have could have been away in my head to relive the emotional pain,

i had 6 in about 7 or 8 months once i had one i needed more,

at one point i thought to my self i can pay some one to cut me, but i dont get s a scare i get a picture, result

sometimes i look at them and think oh kay what did you do that for, and other times i think waw i love them what

beautuful pictures

the one on my foot i nearly got blood poisioning from and it took a good 6 months to settle, but that didnt seem to stop me

there are times when i wish i could have more and i dont know if thats to do with the beautiful pictures or weather its to do with

what its doing,

i have had one recently as a memorial to my friend, who had bpd and really bad depression, spent at least 5 years in a hospital

but that one didnt seem to be the same as the others, that was my way of saying i wont forget you,

and it didnt do the after efects like the others did were i went really moody down panicy distressed,

worried scared, and over all more angry,

and when i had them i had to get it done that day i couldnt wait, i dont know why i seem to be that way,

if i get an idea i cant wait i have to do it,

i wont cut my self as i dont want a scar, so was this just another way of doing so, ?

[ILostHer]

I feel the same. I have often thought that the reason I get them is another but safe form of self harm. I like the feeling of having a tattoo done, the pain.

I also really empathise about how you feel about them. Some days I love them, especially the one on my upper arm, I adore it, but other days I am really panicky and anxious about the fact they are on me forever. But I have DID and I think that it is down to that because I rarely have the same opinion every day.

Sorry about your friend, it's lovely that you have something to remember him/her by.x

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its a her she was wonderful, and in a selfish way, i miss the fact she new what i felt, she was much worse than me, sadly,

i could easily cover my self in tattoos and ibelieve its because they are beautiful, and i think its my body sod what any one else thinks,

but then is it really because i like the art work,

some days i really want to hurt my self, my brain says make me pay for all the hurt i course others, i fight it as A im scared of the pain and B i dont want the scars,

when i was 7 years old i remember shutting my bedroom door and crying with a coat hanger in my hand and using the sharp end to scratch away at my self, i remember mum

calling me stupid, and saying it was silly,

and in my early teens i rememeber i delibratly scratched my exema till it hurt so bad i could hardly move my hand,

and at that point i wanted it to scar, sometimes i really wish i could do things but i try to remind my self it wont help,

i hate feeling like that, i hate little voices saying no one will miss you no one cares, i mean look at you,

etc,, i hate that, ( i say voices, its not really voices, its more like my thoughts, but i call them voices to make it easyer for others to understand)

i keep having nightmeres at the moment that im back were i used to live with out john and all i want to do is come back,

i get really panicy and miss were i am, its scary as i cant find or contact john, it terrifies me as every night its the same,

i feel silly feeling like i do, and it makes me want to cry,

[Sparko]

I love tattoos and get emotional comfort from the pain, i also self harm but only in places where no one can see

totally understand how you feel about not being able to wait, the impulse has to have it now

your memorial sounds lovely, why do you think it felt different?

Spark

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hay, spark,

i dont really know unless i new i was doing it for a reason,

i just had piece about doing it,

sometimes i want to hurt my self, no one knows, in my family

but i have tried to burn my self early this year using the gas cooker as

we have flames, and one if your not carful any way it could burn i think its ment

for big big pans,

i think my skin is burn resistant as it went red but thats it, in some ways im glad,

but at the time i wasnt,

the only tattoo that really hurt me was the one that nearly gave me blood poision i was ill

for about 3 months with that and my foot was swolen so much i couldnt even get a flip flop on

and usually flip flops are too big, i couldnt even get a sock on eather,

and i still went on to have more, i even had the memorial one on my neck and a hudge tattoo

on my side and they didnt hurt, they stang the next day when i tried to move, my neck just itched,

and i got a saw neck i think the strong vibrations gave me nots in my mucle ,

i do LOVE the one on my side they are beautuful, id love more, i want a blue nose bear, i want a dolphin, dragon, snake, and trantular,

thats 5 lol, but my partner distests them with evil, and said NO MORE or hes gone, and i can see why

he has to look at them all the time,

so out of respect for him i wont, and i couldnt lie and go behind his back,

although sometimes i want to,

[Sparko]

If you do deside to get another done at any point please make sure you research the tattooist first. its important to be safe with these things and wouldnt want you to get blood poisoning again....

sorry if that sounded a bit like a lecture, it wasnt meant in that way :-) its just a girl i know had a tattoo done last month and it got infected and was a nasty experience for her, iv had a couple of 'bad tattoo' experiences as well but i go to a place now that i trust

Spark

[Sparko]

PS i have a specific tattoo that my partner hates............. it says 'Fuck you i wont do what you tell me' and its on my bum :-)

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awww, no it doesnt seem like a lecture, its a good thing for you to say,

and i apprecate it, i cant get any more my partner wont let me, he hates all mine as he dont see

the point, he thinks its defacing your body, and to me i think its artful decorations, i see it the same

as decorating my house, well i cant its technecly not mine i rent, i cant paint or put any pictures, up

and so i will respect him and not have any more , besides i do agree if i have more i will look a little ott

and i want to look good not like a cluttered bit of wall,

not calling my self a wall lol, i want to look and feel taste ful, not be disgusted,

if i ever had the money, and wasnt with my partner,

id love a fairy sceen on my back that elegent and makes people go OH WAW

like what cat von-di 's tatooists do and her , her self, i never thought id like that biger piece, but its stunning,

dunno that id go through with it, but i LOVE the idea

[Sparko]

Cat von ds stuff rocks :-)

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it does doent it I LOVE her, she is tallented,