How I Am This Evening - Don't Know Why I'm Posting But Might As Well :)

[manja.]

Feel crap but trying to make myself feel ok and feel like I'm a good person.

Still on my mission to tackle my online gambling problem. Just joined a forum for problem gambling support and I'm using that as my fresh start. Made another call also for sorting my debt. Have also finally sorted my new bank account, and my salary to be paid into this, and my direct debits etc to come from it.

I was supposed to go to a mindfulness class this evening but chose to go to bed instead, so bit annoyed with myself for that, but I suppose I am being good in general.

I am going to the gym more, and going to Scottish Slimmers, and my computer class, and doing what I can to keep myself busy and to interact with each others.

It's late but I feel like ice cream so think I'm going to to to tesco for a walk and treat myself x

[CrippleAndStarfish]

((((Manja)))) It sounds like you're doing really well hon. I think most importantly as well, is that you've mentioned there's the odd bit that you had planned on doing, but haven't managed, but you seem okay with that. I think that is really good - everyone neglects to do some things at times, and i think accepting that we just haven't done them and not tearing ourselves to pieces over that fact is a positive thing.

xxxx

[Data]

I am really impressed. It sounds like you are doing several positive things to improve your life! Don't beat yourself up if you have the odd set-back.

[manja.]

Aww thanks hunny. Yeah I really wanted to go to the mindfulness class as a local student was doing it as a project as part of their degree, and wanted the participants to practice then for four weeks too, so would've been good to get me practicing mindfulness, but the desire to curl up in bed just took over for a while.

I had a few weeks where I was so very suicidal, but managed not to do anything stupid, but for the past week or so those thoughts have lifted completely, and I'm so glad. I don't know if it's my new medicatlon, the fact that I'm exercising more or a combination of a mixture of everything but right now the fact that those thoughts have lifted is such a relief.

I am doing an evening class on tuesday evenings, and that's given me stuff to keep myself busy with at weekends with essays etc, I go along to Scottish Slimmers on thursday evenings, and even though I'm not following the eating plan religiously it's making me a lot more aware of what I'm eating. And I try to go to gym at least two evenings, and I'm really getting into it. I feel so much better for it.

My CPN is often at the gym in the evenings too so that makes it a bit easier sometimes, and she often tells me afterwards how pleased she is that I'm doing it, cos she knows its that bit harder for me than others, but I am really starting to look forward to it too.

For the first time in a long time, I genuinely feel like I am coming out the other side of this black hole, and that my hard work and preserverence has been worth it. I am always so so wary of saying that, cos every time I thought I was doing ok I seem to fall again, but this time I acually feel confident in saying that I think I'm beating this xx

[manja.]

I am really impressed. It sounds like you are doing several positive things to improve your life! Don't beat yourself up if you have the odd set-back.

I am really impressed. It sounds like you are doing several positive things to improve your life! Don't beat yourself up if you have the odd set-back.

Aww thanks Data.

i am also back to working almost full time, and I've had work problems lately that have made me want to run so far away, but faced them head on. I'm managing to keep up with the housework a little bit. Place still quite messy, but have flat inspection by landlord next week and am not completely daunted with it.

And another good sign, this week is the first week since she had her holidays that I don't have an appointment with my cpn (timing difficulties), (well I might see her at gym, but that's different), but not so long ago that would've freaked me out big time about feeling I was doing it on my own, but I felt fine with it.

Thank you all for your support xx