Feeling Everything, And Nothing At The Same Time

[BananaCake789]

Hi im new here, i was wondering if anyone else knows this feeling. I think im heading towards crisis if im not already there.

I feel so empty inside, so hollow, that i cant explain it. I cant explain the enormity of what i feel, i cant make other people understand. Its like complete silence - there's no sound at all, and it's so quiet that you can hear it and it deafens you.

I find i dont really feel emotions, i feel and act the same about major tragedies and choosing what colour socks to put on. The decision seems too hard to contemplate.

I find myself crying quite often, but for no particular reason. I dont feel sad, tears just run down my face. All i can say to people is "i dont know." because i just dont know what i feel - i dont know if im happy or sad, hot or cold. I cant make decisions, its too hard to think about so i just do nothing.

I'd appreciate if anyone has any advice on this? Thanks.

[zekesbabe]

To some degree, on occasion I feel the same way. I have periods of deafening silence even when I'm surrounded by people, I don't know about you but I get headaches through how loud the silence is and almost constantly feel numb. I cry at things that I know I should cry at more because I know I should rather than because I feel it. For example, when I was younger I watched Bambi and started crying when the mother died, but now I can watch it and start crying at the right time while I feel nothing. I know I love my parents but I don't feel it. I can't remember feeling happy and therefore don't really know what happiness feels like. Temperature wise I've never had that, I'm wondering if it's a sort of dissociation you're feeling.

I'm afraid I can't give any advice and can only offer an ear to listen. Or technically eyes to read.

[BananaCake789]

Thanks for your reply, its less isolating to know someone else has similar experiences. I know exactly what you mean by reacting because you know you should although you dont feel anything, i also used to feel it like you described. I also feel no emotion when for example, someone i know i love is really upset, and i feel bad and a bad person for that. Almost as though other people would think im a horrible person and just dont care about anyone else, but in reality they mean everything to me. I just dont feel the emotion of amazing acheivements or disasters.

[zekesbabe]

It's really difficult because no one really understands how you feel. You're not a bad person and you shouldn't feel bad, afterall, I always believed that deep inside you, you feel for that person, but you feel so strongly that you get slightly overloaded and therefore feel nothing. Of course I could be saying something purely fanatical but you know you care for them even if they aren't convinced, but that can make it really difficult.

[icu_baby]

Hi hun, what you are describing is severe depression and you need to be treated for that. You should go to your GP and ask him or her to put you on some anti-depressants and also refer you to see a counsellor. The empty feeling and indecision that you face are part of your depression. I am so sorry you are suffering so much.

[Willow1]

I get such a lot of insight from this forum. My daughter will very often say to me that she feels nothing, I ask her how she feels, to try and explain and she says "I just don't feel anything mum" and she says it with a shrug and a sigh and if its all just too much; I will be honest, its usually in her more depressive states. Its so sad to hear because to feel hurt, anger, happiness has got to be better than just nothing and she's exhausted by it all, by all the ever changing emotions I think.

Z - thank you for your lovely comments on our previous posts btw xx hope your feeling better

[Roses]

(((((bananacake))))))

[ukulele25]

I can't offer you advice, but I would like to let you know you are not alone and I often feel similar to your description

I surround myself with people, yet I always feel alone. I too get a feeling of overwhelming emptiness, I cant sympathise or empathise with anything - its like I'm emotionless. Yet I feel like crying all the time for no reason at all - like I'm full of emotion.

Its kind of like trying to swim without water - I don't know why but that description just seems to fit ha.

I'm so sorry you feel this way but just know you are not an alien in this world - others are going through what you are.

xxx

[Stellar]

Hi BananaCake789,

The emptiness and inability to describe how you feel inside,I know exactly what you mean.I tend to swing from emptiness and total disinterest to screaming inside and going off at Tangents.I may have found the solution yesterday.Ive been like this since childhood,major hang ups there,I suppose many are the same on here.The anger wells inside now,tending to turn it on to myself does not make sense but there you are.Never had close friends,diagnosed Depression,social Anxiety and Health Anxiety amongst other issues,the Psychologist I see tries,but things run too deep sometimes.Nobody can really climb inside a persons body and feel their real pain and emptiness.I tend to hook on to certain Melancholy songs or songs filled with anger and play them over and over and over again.Everything crap in my life resurfaces with the present and all sorts of weirdness occurs.

In the end Emptiness,loneliness and utter hopelessness is what,s left,it will never be any different.The problems are too many to mention here,but just letting you know that I know how you feel.

Stellar