donnam Posted November 25, 2011 Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 today we took the kids down to in laws for the weekend, i have been trying to be more amiable. anyway hubby parents werent in, and his bro says what about getting his mum a kindle for xmas as we were about to leave, i thought i had mis-heard, as that would be £40-45 to spend just on his mum! when we left i checked what i had heard and graeme said i heard correctly!!! the thing is we cant afford this, tho now its for his mum, suddenly we can! even tho we are downgrading car aft xmas due to financial difficulties, plus we had already got her a cheaper but nice present that graeme was happy with til his bro piped up. all of a sudden he wants to be "more generous" wish would be fine if we could afford! but that would mean spending this amount on all of our parents, both of us both still have mum and dad so £120. i tried to explain to him we cant afford and that his parents would not expect it as they give us £50 to share, yet he wants to spend £40-45 on just one of them. plus my parents spent £750 on us by paying for a fence for our xmas present, does he want to return the favour? i doubt it. my parent help out loads more yet we can rarely repay it expect flowers etc. but his parent and oh yes we can get the money! must be the f-ing money tree again! he is like this with himself too, if he wants, xbox, ps2,3 etc he gets it. but we cant afford family hols, but he goes to silverstone etc. i am starting to feel really f-ing angry and after he wouldnt listen to me trying to be reasonable, we have not talked to each other, cos when it is his precious f-ing mother i am not allowed to argue! well i do! i now am recenting the kids been at the in laws, it has taken me a long time to let them go. my brother in law, still lives at home, i doubt he pays rent if so not much (they didnt charge us while we were there so doubt it) so doesnt have mortgage, bills, kids etc to pay for so can afford, as he and girlfriend are both working, and managing hold to disneyland paris etc, when we cant. wish hubby could say no, but doubt he will, would rather put us in more debt! we need a new fridge, and having probs with another appliance (trying to work out which) and will struggle to afford replacements. i wish i could send graeme down there for the weekend!but then i am scared he wil stop down there and keep my kids, my kids are my life. if he wasnt at the shop with me i would have bought para, feel i need out, its too hard keeping everyone happy, instead i bought i huge toblerone, and muffins and biscuits, so binging instead! i need to lose weight so this makes me feel worse too. grr f-ing brother in law, hubby and in laws. am i been unreasonable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw2693 Posted November 25, 2011 Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 Hey lovely I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, no. Sorry head's really not with it but glad you only brought treats, try not to feel too bad about comfort eating a bit, it's better than hurting yourself. Big hugs, text if you need lovely xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted November 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 thanks hunni, have text u. feeling shit, we still not talked, tho he made me a coffee and i muttered thanks, just so angry and hurt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob88 Posted November 25, 2011 Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 hey Cadance I don't think you are being unreasonable. I'm dreading Christmas and if you don't have money it is silly to borrow that is how the country is in such a mess because people have borrowed when they can't afford stuff. R Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted November 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 thanks rob i dont know how i will get thru to him, if we had the money i wouldnt mind at all, but i was brought up to be sensible with money, thing is they are not fussed if they get as long as get a present, and we choose her a nice one already, but he doeant want to say no to his bro, i think he doesnt want to admit to his family we struggle, his brother is younger than him by 8 years, but has no kids, mortgage, rates, bills etc to pay for either! he loves his car, but he is getting rid of it next year, as cont afford it, house half decorated as cant afford to finish it, cant afford to replace fridge even tho doesnt keep food as cool as should etc, we need other repairs etc done, house just looks a tip as stuff half done as cant afford, then he sends stupidly on stuff we dont need, others dont need etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 26, 2011 Report Share Posted November 26, 2011 Hello Cadance I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I have tried something with Mike where I've said, "fine", if you want to spend xyz amount on this for you then me and the kids get the same amount for ourselves. Would that wake him up thinking he'd have to spend the same on all family then or would that just mean he overspent even more??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted November 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 26, 2011 thanks roses thats a good idea, tho he can be kinda sneaky, like he got the wii and hide it with dvd box sets etc, and swopped his xbox, and i only realised cos the colour had changed (dont think he thought i would notice), ordered tv for our room, first i knew was when on our wall etc. he says have to be careful with money so i am, then he wants to spend money we dont have, the money he wants to spend on his mum, would add to our debt. plus i realised his bro would only be paying £22 for the present, his gf would be doing the same as they have their own accounts, so indivisually doesnt seem too bad for them. they forget we only have one account and one income, plus my benefits (which go towards bills not me). i feel bad buying new clothes as know we are skint, and only do so when necessary not cos i see things i like. same with the kids, its on a need basis. he was saying we were spending too much etc that we got the kids school photos but i didnt buy the full class one to save money etc. i never spent more than i had, and never use the credit cards etc, when i met him, my savings paid off his debt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted November 26, 2011 Report Share Posted November 26, 2011 You are not being unreasonable at all. This is what I hate about Christmas. It's supposed to be about being together and good food, for me anyway. We all want things, I know I do, but reality is, there is no money these days to give so freely. I would like to buy more than I have, but I can't afford it. There are plenty of little gifts out there to buy without spending so much. I think your husband is being a bit blind towards the recession, sorry. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 26, 2011 Report Share Posted November 26, 2011 Sounds like it's him being selfish and not you hun. If you are really concerned about spending perhaps you could keep one account for bills that is joint and both have your own usable accounts for other things and agree amounts that go into them so you have so much and he has so much to play with or save with or whatever. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted November 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 26, 2011 thanks for the advice, yes head hurts we had got her a nice gift she would like, after xmas he would be worried bout money again. thats a good idea roses thanks u Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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