manja. Posted November 25, 2011 Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 On the night of 28th May 2010 I had some kind of breakdown. Crying, panicked, desperately wanting to hurt myself, confused, hitting myself, lost and hysterical. I went to the doctor a few days after that. My mental health got worse and worse. I've been to hell and back since then. Got myself a fantastic cpn, been through three psychiatrics, one shitty psychologist, one counsellor, lots of psychiatric medication, two short stays in the acute psychiatric ward, nine overdoses, three of them giving me a brief visit to the local a & e, a lot of sick days off work, a lot of crying, a lot of self-harming, a lot of compulsive gambling, and a lot of time suicidal. It was hell. I felt like life as I knew it ended that night of the 28th May 2010. I kept wanting life to go back to normal, kept wondering when this hell would end. But I was walking home tonight and I realised that the period of my life that started on the 28th May 2010 has ended. I kept wondering when the hell that started that night would end, and I feel like it actually has ended. Life hasn't gone back to how it was before. Life is different, but that's ok. I am learning to live with a mental illness, but I've gotten good at it. That period of my life has ended and a new one has started. I actually feel positive about life now. I feel positive about the future. I am taking at least a little enjoyment to life. I feel happy right now. I have so much life inside me, and I have so much to give in life. I don't know what else to say. But that period of my life really had ended and a new one has begun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted November 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 And I have so much to be grateful for as a result of my mental health problems. I have met so many special people because of it, both online and in real life. I learned who my true friends are. I learned how much just enjoying little things can feel. I learned how many special people are in this would. And most of all I feel so grateful just to be alive right now, so grateful that I didn't do anything really stupid, so grateful to still be here keeping going and hopefully making something good come out of the bad times. Sorry for going on, I'll stop now xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 25, 2011 Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 Thanks for sharing. I think we go through good and bad times and you should enjoy the positive feelings whilst you are feeling good. When a bad time comes around in the future then at least you have these good times to look back on. And I think with each good and bad period we learn and grow stronger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted November 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 Thank you very much Data. The night of 28th May is described in and it feels great to go from making that post to this one here tonight. And when I wrote that post in May 2010 I never for one second could've imagined how bad things were gonna get, all I was gonna go through, but I don't think I would change one bit of it, cos it's made me the person I am today xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted November 25, 2011 Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 Really really glad you posted this manja xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx it's lovely to read xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyP Posted November 25, 2011 Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 im glad you posted this hun. it made me happy and sad. happy that you feel like youv come through the other side and you feel good again, but sad that those things had to happen inbetween. i think you could do people so much good spreading this message. a lot of the time i feel like there is no end to this, that il be like this forever, but your post has given me some hope for the future. love and hugs to you hun xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manja. Posted November 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 25, 2011 Thank you fedup, and thank you Pandora. I'm sad that the bad things happened too, but they're a part of me, and they have made me the person I am today, and hopefully they will make me better able to help others. I am glad this post helped you xxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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