catsmother21 Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Another stressful day to be had today. I have got my pdoc appt that my advocate is attending with me and after yesterday's emotional rollercoaster with the ESA, I am so glad he is coming with me because I feel completely drained this morning. My appt is at 8.30am and I am hope and pray that she will change my meds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 at least it's early - less time to fret about it - hopefully you slept well (as well as yuo can anyway) and are all ready... i so wanna make the "ding ding" noise of a boxer coming out of his corner - gloves up all ready... seconds out - final round you go girl... (i think i need a lie down or i have drunk too much coffee too quickly oopsie) everything crossed for you - you are sepcial - yuo deserve to be heard - yuo deserve to be taken seriously - YOU know YOU better than he THINKS he knows you... he has the text books, yuo have the life experience, and i know which one means more... anyhoo... i am with you in spirit, always... much love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx NOW GO KICK SOME ASS !!!!!!!! :sm.jpg: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tray Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 hope everything goes well x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stjaninaro Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Thinking of you cats, hope it all goes smoothly <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow girl Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Glad you've got your advocate - your pdoc has been an idiot so far but hopefully independent support will make him/her listen. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Positive result - meds changed to Trazodone. She would under no circumstances prescribe the dosulepin/dothiepin because of how incredibly toxic it is and my overdose history even though I told her it would be kept in a safe but I'm not too bothered because trazodone is a sedating anti-depressant. Got to start on 100mg tonight and every 4 nights go up by 50mg til I reach 300mg and then will stay at that dose if everything is OK. The meeting with her was incredibly stressful and she did lie a couple of times but she used my bad memory against me - so I can't say what she said is a lie because she is saying that I can't remember what she said and I know my memory isn't good now but I know what has been said in our past meetings. I did feel more confident with my advocate there and so I was able to do most of the talking and he didn't have to say much. I still believe that if I hadn't have involved an advocate then nothing would have changed today - so she can lie all she wants but I think this has shaken her a bit. I should be over the moon - but do you know, I just want to sit and cry. I don't understand :worried_anim: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillv Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 I'm pleased the appt went well for you. Feeling tearful after a traumatic event such as this is perfectly natural. It is relief that you have been listened to. Hope he new meds have a positive effect for you. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy not surprised re the TCA thing - i had to beg and i have no (recorded) history of OD but GREAT that you got the other one - fingers well and truely crossed they work for you... agree with Kalico re tears of relief... i get that too sometimes... let them come... huggles and snuggles and shiny things to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Thank you both so much :bigarmhug[1]: xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Sorry - me again. I've just been sat here thinking that if she is going to use my bad memory against me and if indeed it is that bad (she's got me doubting myself now) - should I have an advocate with me at every meeting? I don't know whether to ring my advocate and ask him to do that for me - it seems a bit extreme but he works with people with dementia as well - not for one minute suggesting I'm like that but that is becauser they can't remember things properly. I used to have such a shit hot memory - I never forgot anything though it caused me a huge amount of anxiety. I think I've addled my brain with the alcohol and overdoses over the years. Don't know what to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 get a small cheap digi recorder and record your sessions ? (can you do that - dunno) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Hmmm - good idea but I don't know. I doubt I would be able to do it without her knowing but I wouldn't want to do it without her knowing and if she doesn't agree then I'm stuffed. Think I need to ring my advocate and see what he says about it all - I'm sure he won't mind even though we agreed this morning that he would close my case. The only trouble with having an advocate there is there are somethings which are really personal that I wouldn't want to talk about in front of him - crikey doing my own head in again. Gonna log off for a bit and try to do some cross stitch and then come back to this later. Thanks Villan for your help xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 sorry, i did mean with her permission - should have been clearer - i meant - do you have the right to do that - or does she have the right to say no without giving reasons... I was in a rush to post as boss asked me another stupid question ! she will take notes and write them up - it is just the same thing really in my opinion - i know people who record counselling sessions and it is one of teh things i have already covered in my counselling course - dunno if same thing tho... especially if you spin it as summat like: "i really want to make the best of the time we have together, but i get so anxious and consequently get in a pickle remembering exactly what i am sposed to be doing, i did consider bringing a notepad with me, but i thought that may be too distracting for us both, and we dont get much time together, so i thought it would be easer and more productive if i recorded our sessions together so i can go back over them when i am home and feel less anxy, you dont mind me doing that do you ?" anyway... enough of that stuff for today... happy cross-stitching... xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 do you get a record of the meeting? if there is anything on that you dont agree with you should have an opportunity to discuss it at the next appt. I get a copy of what they send to my gp with the actions they are taking. It usually comes 2 weeks after the appt. also how about when you gethome writing important points down, I do this formy T as wouldnt remember after a few hours, I dont remember everything as sometimes not altogther in the room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 sorry, i did mean with her permission - should have been clearer - i meant - do you have the right to do that - or does she have the right to say no without giving reasons... I was in a rush to post as boss asked me another stupid question ! Sorry sweets - I knew what you meant, I was just thinking out loud. Thanks for the advice and how to put it to my pdoc - I'll see if she'll agree to that. And tell your boss you've got more important things to do be doing than answering his questions xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 do you get a record of the meeting? if there is anything on that you dont agree with you should have an opportunity to discuss it at the next appt. I get a copy of what they send to my gp with the actions they are taking. It usually comes 2 weeks after the appt. also how about when you gethome writing important points down, I do this formy T as wouldnt remember after a few hours, I dont remember everything as sometimes not altogther in the room. Thanks Christine - no I don't get a copy of the letter that goes to my GP after each meeting. I'll ring my pdoc's secretary and see if she will copy me in - good thinking!! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 And tell your boss you've got more important things to do be doing than answering his questions xxxx i normally do just that - well... i say "hang on a sec just gotta finish something" i am lucky i have 2 bosses, neither of which know what i do half the time, and usually i manage to convince one that i am doing something for the other - or "tidying up my spreadsheet" usually works too... but this time he has a customer with him and i had to respond promptly... i do however have a "first class honours degree" in "looking busy" when i read my book here on my PC, as long as i click the mouse or type something occasionally, i get away with it - especially effective if i also print something and then go on to colour it in with highlighter pens ! anyhow - massively off topic there - sorry - just an insight into my "working" day as a distraction for you... disclaimer - when i actually have work to do, i do it. just not much going on in the run up to christmas so i am mostly bored outta my box ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Hey Cats sounds positive. Just a mention of Trazodone, maybe just want to kep half an eye out. I am bipolar and on low dose of Traz was semi ok but with larger dose made me super manic. I don't want to dampen your hope or anything perhaps your Partner could just keep on checking in on you. otherwise I have heard good things about Traz especially for sleep. Hope your gonna be ok. Glad that you had some support . Am around if yu need anything ( well as much as can be) You rock and all will be cool. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Thanks Bumble - I have Borderline Personality Disorder and a recurrent depressive disorder, so would it have the same effect with me? and have just asked hubby to keep an eye on me and he ways he will. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stjaninaro Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Cats I'm delighted she finally listened to you!! Good on you, you should feel so proud <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Thank you so much stjaninaro xx Edit - sorry sweets I've run out of 'likes' xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted December 8, 2011 Report Share Posted December 8, 2011 Brilliant news cats! I'm so pleased that the advocate had the required effect . Could your husband or a close friend attend your appts with you in future to 'aid' your memory? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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