blackdagger82 Posted December 12, 2011 Report Share Posted December 12, 2011 I am hanging by a thread. It could break at any moment. The mask is back in place Prentending that all is fine I keep pushing forward thinking it can't get any worse Then life comes around and kicks me to the dirt. Maybe if I try a little harder, work a little more Then I will be normal, safe and secure. I don't think that there is much more I can take. I've had my fill and more. And yet I keep going, giving and pushing myself. but what I want to do is go away, give up and stop. But I am not allowed to am I? The game is not yet over, you won't let me be free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw2693 Posted December 12, 2011 Report Share Posted December 12, 2011 I'm so sorry you feel this way you've completely summed up how I'm feeling right now, thank you. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted December 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 12, 2011 Thanks Shadow Sorry your feeling this way too ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 13, 2011 Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 ((Blackdagger)) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted December 13, 2011 Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 ((((balckdagger)))) so sorry you are feeling this way. The poem is brilliant but I wish you didn't feel that way, although I completely understand and wish you well xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted December 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 thank you both. I never think my poems are any good but I post the ones that I am more confident about. I am dreadig the move on Thursday and feel very overwhelmedd and like i have no one to confide in although my friends are being lovely. I just feel like I have to hide how scared I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 13, 2011 Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 You don't have to hide how scared you feel here - I most certainly understand and I hope we can help you through it xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted December 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 Thank you Catsmother I am so bloody scared, i just don't know if I can cope with anything else going wrong. I don't want anything to go wrong with the mew job as being on a three month contract could lead to something more and anythig negative could go against me. I smile in public but I am crying inside. I wish there was someone I could ask to be there and hold me but there is no one. I never let anyone close enough to see me like this. the only time i do they run away so whats the point Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted December 13, 2011 Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 Moving house and new jobs are scary things and you have every right to feel that way. I would. Perhaps allowing yourself to feel OK about being scared would be a start for you. I totally understand what you are saying and I hope that the move goes well and I'm sure the job will be OK. I'm thinking of you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted December 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 Thank you Roses I know rationally I am allowed to feel scared but my family have made it so that I feel like I should get on with things without compaining about how worring and scary I find things. Of cousre they also hate it that I don't tell them things that are happening in my life. I am tired of pf not feeling like I have anyone in my life that I can vent at with out feeling guilty or someone who can hold me when I feel so lost. I nearly txt my ex tonight and asked him to come over but I just about managed to stop myself. Just don't wnat ot be alone anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted December 13, 2011 Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 So sorry your family are making you feel that way, but are also expecting you to talk about your life - whats up with that? I'm sorry you are lonely, maybe once you have moved and you have the new job you will meet more people and feel less like this? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted December 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 I hope so Roses. I don't like feeling so alone all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted December 13, 2011 Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 No-one does, and you deserve company and friends who treat you well. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted December 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 Thanks Roses I do have a few friends who are there for me but I feel so ungrateful for them. I Really really don't want ot be alone tonight but I don't have anyone i could call without it being a really bad idea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 13, 2011 Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 I understand that calling people when I've been alone that I really shouldn't have called - I really do hope that you can make new friends and feel less alone when you start your new job. When you move you could look in your area for a support group and meet other people who feel the same as you and that you can talk to about how you are feeling without having to wear your mask? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackdagger82 Posted December 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2011 The school is in the middle of of nowhere in Norfolk so I am not sure if there will be a support group, but I am going to be living in a "teachers Village" which is a group of cotteges which teachers from the school live in. I jsut want stability and someone who is going to be with me regardless of my history Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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