Insideoutgirl Posted December 26, 2011 Report Share Posted December 26, 2011 I'm really stuck and don't know what to do. I've been off work for several months and have told them ill go back after xmas but just for two days a week. However I have been advised my G.P. not to go back. He said if I find it so stressful why don'y I just leave and that maybe its just not the job for me + he said I certainly shouldn't be thinking of going back at the moment. But for some reason I am finding it really difficult to believe I'm allowed to leave. I know my parents will be really annoyed if I leave and they want me to go back and they keep telling me how I wont ever get work again and I'll get no reference if I leave. Also I need to pay for my rent... and I don't know what I'll do if I have no money. I've been receiving sick pay up until now. There's no way I want to move back to my parents as they just interfere with everything and Ill end up just sat alone in a room again. I'm waiting for an appointment with the clinical psych but it's not until February and I have to sort this out before then. My boyfriend and I discussed the possibility of him moving in and helping with rent but he suffers from BPD and is currently having difficulties with stress and panic therefore neither or us are in a good situation to pay bills =/ On top of this I've been really emotional lately and feel like crying frequently, I've been increasingly paranoid thinking things like someone is going to murder me in my sleep or my boyfriend is going to die. Plus my brain is on mega go slow as I seem to be ill .. achey, allover, swollen glands, and feeling weepy. I just feel like I'm so stuck and can't decide what to do! Any thoughts would be appreciated! Gem xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 What a difficult situation for you, it sounds really stressful. Don't listen to your parents - they don't control you. Of course you can listen to their advice, but you don't have to do what they say. I reckon your work would still give you a reference, if not, someone else, somewhere, will. A teacher, an old colleague... If you quit, you'll be able to get benefits. I know they're changing a lot of the benefit system at the moment, so maybe you could phone citizens advice and ask how that would work out for you? There is also the possibility of moving in together with your boyfriend. Of course this can be great (help with money, emotional support) but just to warn you, when I first moved in with my boyfriend, we fought so much and hated each other for about a year. It's better now, but moving in together can be really difficult and when you're struggling with other things, such a big change might not be a great idea. Can you change job, maybe to something less stressful? How do you feel about doing two days a week? Is it too much, or could you maybe cope, if you had support? I really feel for you, the indecisiveness is the worst thing for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 Hi Gem, I'm terribly indecisive too! Is your job actually stressful or is it your illness that makes it seem stressful? If it's the former then I think you should consider doing something else. I too have been off work for months (my job itself isn't stressful but the work environment/politics is extremely stressful at the moment and that's what triggered me off this time) but doubt I'll be going back at all. Personally I wouldn't quit - I had heard that if you quit a job then you're not entitled to benefits straight away but maybe I too should find out for definite from CAB as esme suggests. I also find that getting anxious about when I might be returning to work also sets my recovery back which is self-defeating really. The fact that your gp advises you not to return should be seriously considered, certainly over and above your parents view imo. But feeling stuck is the worst feeling xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insideoutgirl Posted December 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2011 Citizens advice certainly sounds a good idea. I will try and call them today if they are open. With my job it's not so much the actual job but everything else I have to do that makes it stressful.. extra work planning, assessing, marking. (I'm a primary school teacher) It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to do these things. Yeah I'm finding that too, feeling anxious about returning is making me feel worse. At the moment I just feel like running away and ignoring it but I know I can't do that! I think I'll talk to my G.P again about my dilemma after I call Citizens advice. The date is drawing closer so I need to sort it out! Gem xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insideoutgirl Posted December 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2011 I'd certainly consider doing something less stressful but I think I'm sort of frightened of leaving too. I'm frightened of going from being trapped in one situation to being trapped i another! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 28, 2011 Report Share Posted December 28, 2011 Hi I'm not working now but have worked in the past and held it together until I was 25 and have been on and off with work ever since until I was 33 and haven't worked since then. The last time I tried, I was only at work for 3 months when my pdoc signed me off. I'm not saying that you'll need to be off work as long as I have been but I know that in the past, I've started to feel a bit better and have rushed back into work only to put myself back by miles. Or I've gone back to work because I just felt it was the right thing to do even though I wasn't well and again crashed and put myself back. I loved working and it took a long time for me to accept that for now I am unable to - maybe one day, who knows? What I'm trying to say here is give yourself some more time if you can and get as well as you can first before going back. Love Cats xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted December 28, 2011 Report Share Posted December 28, 2011 Hi there, CAB have advisors who are assigned to people with mental health difficulties now, so you may be able to get an appointment with them. You may be entitled to DLA or housing benefit and council tax benefit if you are a private tenant. I hope it all gets sorted out for you. Work does sound very stressful and a career change sounds a positive idea xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted December 28, 2011 Report Share Posted December 28, 2011 I am a teacher too, but working in English as a Foreign Language. It is stressful too, but there is less paperwork and less pressure. Basically you go into the classroom, do your thing, leave. For a three hour class, I generally prepare about 30 minutes (or nothing...I am lazy, but no-one ever notices). Is it something you'd be interested in? With a PGCE behind you, you'd find it really easy to find a job, depending on where you are in the country. That way, you'd still be teaching but without all the stuff that goes along with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted December 28, 2011 Report Share Posted December 28, 2011 Yes I can see why as a primary school teacher it must be stressful. My daughter started this year and the thought of 30 of her in a room together makes me come out in a cold sweat, lol! All teachers deserve a medal (and a decent pension ). I'm frightened of going from being trapped in one situation to being trapped i another! Yep me too . And I also keep running away (psychologically) and ignoring things. I should make new years resolution to not do this! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insideoutgirl Posted December 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2011 esme that does sounds interesting and I'd love to find out more about it. Last night I rang the Crisis team as I have just felt pulled this way and that on this matter; they suggested that If the g.p. had said that the decision had been made for me and It didn't necessarily mean I had to leave. The lady also said she felt it was unlikely they wouldn't give me a reference but that it might have to say I had periods of time off with illness. I decided to send an email to my boss explaining the situation and how I felt to give here the full picture so I'm expecting a phone call at some point. I'm scared but also relieved to have told her. I don't know what will happen next! Gem x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted December 31, 2011 Report Share Posted December 31, 2011 Well done for doing this - I hope you get the result that you want xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insideoutgirl Posted January 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 I was supposed to go back on Tuesday and woke up in a complete panic as had not had a reply to the email I sent.. I didn't know what to do.. physically couldnt do anything! I wanted to ring work and explain but couldnt.. so instead after a while of sitting stunned I rang the crisis team again who reassured me. I then received a call from the head who had receivde my message therefore I didn't actually have to call her. She was so supportive and lovely and assured me that whatever happened Id still have the qualification Id done that Id still been an excellent teacher and that I wouldnt have to worry about a reference. She even said that If I wanted to go back and do supply there I could.. plus Im entitled to half pay until March.. which gives me chance to sort out. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder.. and when I saw my g.p. that afternoon. he said I seemes more confident somehow.. I explained its because id actually made a decision.. something im terrible at! I felt great for the rest of that day until I received a hysterical phone call from my mother that evening.. saying i was doing it on purpose. that I only listened to her advice when I wanted money (which is ridiculous) and that she couldnt cope with me anymore. Ugh! We've spoken since and she has been fine but I just don't know what reaction I'm going to get when I do something she doesnt want me to do! Anyhow on another positive note.. my boyfriend now lives here.. were seeing how it goes.. a little scared but also exciting =) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 That's great news and well done for making the decision and so pleased for you it that it has worked out for you. I also hope you and your bf will be very happy together xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insideoutgirl Posted January 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Thanks Cats.. I was really proud of myself for making the decision! My BF has lived here for about 4 days now.. so far so good =) It's lovely to have him around. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Congratulations on the decision Gem Just my turn now, lol. Gulp!! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insideoutgirl Posted January 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Congratulations on the decision Gem Just my turn now, lol. Gulp!! xx Good luck with yours hun! It's really scary taking the step but the relief of not having the decision to make anymore is worth it! I think it's really important to be in an environment which you feel comfortable in order to reduce anxiety. Let us know how you get on! ((Myla)) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 glad your head was nice and supportive, and hope continues to go well with bf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 You guys will be the first to know . But knowing me I'll probably be really anxious as to whether I made the right decision!!! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Wow you did good,you talked about it here and with your gp,crisis etc You where so pro-active! yay you! Im sorry your mum is not more supportive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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