I'm Prevailing Over Bpd!

[Life is sweet]

Ahhhh!!! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!!! O-M-F-G!!! I just had the most amazing thing happen to me!!! Like, spiritually transforming almost! Whew! Read on....sorry it’s so long.

Okay, so I get home from my therapy session w/ new Mr. Boring who stops talking for like what seems like minutes at a time just to think--lordy? I'm there? Talk...? Come one...Cha-ching-cha-ching...money's going by...talk!--And, I was feeling like I really just didn't get as much accomplished as I normally do with Cynthia. Usually I would leave a good session like that with Cynthia and feel really good. So good, I would want to go treat myself to a snacky and like Starbucks on the way home, and sing Michelle Branch or like some other really poppy uplifting super fun CD like that. But, I just was feeling a little not as chirpy as usual....bah, the story of my life right now...

So, I figured...I hadn't exercised yet today and I felt better when I did every day of the week last week, so I would give that a try. If I still felt weird, I would know I was really feeling something and it just wasn't my depression tugging at me to give in and have another bout of hell for a few days. So, I put on my UGGs with my little daisy dukes (I love me when I dress like that, I look so super cute, yet I'm all functional ready to go take a hike and not get bit by a snakey!) So, I drove down the street to that dirt unfinished road/path and started walking. I walked all the way down to where I usually do, where it starts smelling like skunky and I'm like, "Ew! I'm leaving! Omg!" But, instead I walked up this trail and figured I would try to go to the top of the hill and maybe see the lake. So, I'm walking up there (you should see me when I'm walking, because I'm always afraid a bear or like deer or snake or skunk is going to come walking along and scare the absolute crap out of me. That or a homeless guy in the bushes will rape me...lordy...I'm like paranoid pammy for goodness sake.) So, I got up the hill a little ways, and looked around and was amazed!!! You could see like part of the lake, and so I walked up even further! And, I walked up further, and ...then the other view was better, so I walked back down. ;-) hehe,

So, after looking around and taking a little rest I was walking back down and I kept seeing a bird shadow on the ground. I'm like, "Awe, pretty bird is making his shadow go across the ground b/c of the sun...pretty!" So, I keep seeing it and I stop and look up, and block the sun and see A BIRD!!! IT'S A BIRD!!!! OMG!! A BIRD--WAIT!!! This is just like Cynthia's story! Holy, crap! I realize that Cynthia had told me a story similar to this a few weeks before I left when I was sitting crying, moping in her office.

Her story was that she was hiking in Phoenix at the top of a mountain and there was this vulture looking thing flying around her and she was like telling me how she was telling it she was “prevailing†over it and she made it up to the top of the mountain and–you had to hear it and really relate to it, I guess...

But, I realize that it's a sign! It's a sign! The bird flew over me! I'm getting tired of recovery, I was getting tired of the mountain and it was hot and dirty and I was afraid of bugs and critters and homeless rapists, but the bird flew over beautifully majestically and gave me a sign! That's right, I believe it! I don't even think it was a coincidence at all! That happened for a reason! I know it!!! I just wanted to scream of happiness after that happened! Ugh, and no one else knows what I mean--but Cynthia will! That's why I called her and told her I have a story to tell her and that she will like it, because now I believe! I believe what she was saying!!! I thought she was just going off about some weird thing like she does sometimes, but it had a point! It had a point and I knew it! I knew it! Ah, I am so happy that I was able to open myself up and realize that and not blow it off like every other miserable person living in their own hell that I see. Oh, my goodness. I want to just...jump up and down like a giddy little 5 year old I am so overjoyed right now. See, it was a sign....ah..I rock...and that bird was pretty!

:)

It's all clear to me. It's all so clear. I’m prevailing over my disorder, and I’m going to make it! Woot woot!

-Megan

:D