Katherine Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 well, its my 'normal' life state, as it were. But am anxious and concerned a bit about it. Its feeling 'ok' to be quiet here though as well. But also not. Anxious people might be avoiding me, with all my recent upheaval and then the way I responded to the changes/rules. I feel an outsider again, a position I'm familiar with. Truth to tell, I'm a bit scared. I had a distressing dream last night, and am still recovering from/reeling from it. I didn't go out this morning, especially feeling vulnerable is not good for me to go out when its busy. I've been looking after me this morning. But I also feel 'detached' and have been getting images of emaciated skeleton-people when I laid down to rest... scary....feeling a bit fragmented, too. But am telling myself its ok to have these feelings, its not nice but its part of me and I need to understand it. I do have therapy later, so I can talk about the feelings there. My period is due. I just want to sleep. Feeling cold, covering self up with jumper, socks, blanket, then hot....then cold again. I feel like an outsider like I have been all my life, on the edge, anxious to be let in, but wondering if to be let in means compromising my ideals or process. Which I will not do, but could leave me isolated again. What do people, you, REALLY think of me? Please tell me....I need to know. Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cactus Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Katie I think you are a lovely kind sensitive person.Who i enjoy chatting to and sharing problems with. Love Sun xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 thank you Sun... but I feel so..... FROZEN?????? unreachable???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Hi Katie, If it is of any comfort to you, I don't think you have done anything to warrant you becoming and outsider, and if you did, well you would just join me out there. I thought you saw your therapist today - have you not got an appointment? I am going to have to go back to work shortly, but I shall be here for a few minutes yet - if I miss you, have a nice afternoon looking after yourself. Take care, Jane xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Hi Jane, Thanks!!! Therapy is at 3.30. I just feel that there are some people here that don't like me, are ignoring me, not telling me what/how they feel, I wish they would speak up, because its uncomfortable otherwise and its hidden and it hurts. Maybe I'm paranoid, projecting or whatever, but something doesn't feel right. Maybe its just me. But. Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Katie, I think lots of people here seem very stressed at the moment, myself included, I have struggled to reply to posts for the last 3 or 4 weeks, although occasionally I have posted far more than I usually would and stuff that I probably shouldn't. Perhaps we are all hitting lows together which is making it harder for us to pull each other up - just a thought. Anyway, you have a good therapy session and tell your therapist that your friend on the internet insists that you leave the session with a smile on your face and a spring in your step, difficult sessions should be for mondays and wednesdays only when you don't have a 2 day gap Anyway, you take care and I shall no doubt catch up with you later, Jane xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 ok, without being TOO specific, because I don't want to 'act out' and get myself into trouble, That I have an attachment to my therapist, and also to other 'trusted adults'-i.e. the T on here, is it so wrong? I NEED to learn to have a secure attachment. Both my therapist and I agree. Yet if that is disapproved of- not only on the other site that I had hope for as it was attachment disorder based, but also here by some, then what? Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Thanks Jane You seem to know too how much I HATE Fridays with the 2 days inbetween..... Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 I share the problem with you, but, I shall have to talk later - back to work for me Take care, Jane xxx P.s. think smile and 'spring' - boing, boing, boing :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CathE Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 (((Katie))) luv u Cath. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 "boing " CU later Jane I am being quiet, in part because I am protecting myself from posting what I've promised myself I wouldn't.. It just feels hard to contain it right now, the anxiety of holding onto it seems more today...maybe cos its Friday???? Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liz Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 What do people, you, REALLY think of me? Please tell me....I need to know. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ((((((((Katie)))))))))) i like you. Have always been interested in what you've got to say. You care about others and it comes across so clearly. You're warm and empathic. You and me are similar in some ways and i can relate to you. You're honest with how you feel. The sort of person i would be drawn to out there in the world. The sort of person i am drawn to here. Being on the outside or feeling like an outsider i can identify with SO well. Takes me back to my childhood and like i was forever on the outside looking in....sometimes i feel as i did then. A hard, lonely place to be.... You're doing ok Katie - more than ok. Hope your T sesssion goes ok this afternoon. With my love and thoughts Liz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Thanks ((((((((Liz)))))))))) Your words mean a lot. I hope that I can gather together all these kind words so that they are stronger than more powerful than the unspoken words of those who dislike (hate?) me.... Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryan Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Katie: I don't see how anyone could not love you. You are so sweet and so kind...gentle. I share the same paranoia about people not liking me. So I understand...but your are so nice, I can't imagine anyone having any grievances with you. Love and hugs ((((((Katie))))) bryan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 :)..... ((((((((thanksBry)))))))) it seems that I am a little, um, 'psychotic' today..... apologies for this thread. Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryan Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Nope...I'm not going to let you label yourself Katie. Sorry. You are not psychotic sweetheart. Bryan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Hi Katie, I missed the bit that said tell me what you think I me: I think you are lovely, caring, and need to be in a caring environment, intelligent and interesting. There is probably loads more I could say, but, I am not very good at coming up with words, just accept you are lovely and thought of highly here. You take care, Jane xxx P.s. I have seen your post to the therapist - can I assume you did not leave your appointment smiling and with a spring in your step :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Katie, Do you think you could stand to approach these people you mention directly? I know the idea most likely feels scary and intimidating. But a bit of short term discomfort may be better than the long term not knowing. Anyway I think your great of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 And I also go through stages of thinking that mambers here dont want me around. Get visuals of them inwardly groaning when they see anything I have posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 Thanks Bry, Jane and Laur.... I don't feel I could approach them 1) Because my feelings are likely not based in reality. I am projecting all over the place at the moment and feel unsafe. 2) The consequences...????? So long as I can stay here and you people who've responded like me, then perhaps I can manage to try and keep the anxieties and anger at bay.(though it added to other anger and insecurity and came out later...) Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted July 1, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 and Jane, your comments are much appreciated...you are totally spot on about my needing to be in a caring environment... no, no springs.. sorry... and I was trying to keep that post to the T 'impersonal'..... (trying to limit and keep control of my attachment...) got in touch with that part of me that spoils everything..... Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted July 1, 2005 Report Share Posted July 1, 2005 And I also go through stages of thinking that mambers here dont want me around. Get visuals of them inwardly groaning when they see anything I have posted. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Laur, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER !!!!!! Jane xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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