ed1969 Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 over the years i have suffered from stress and depression, i have always had a temper and hit ex partners, but i put this down to stress and them winding me up and pushing me too far although i know im wrong to hit anyone. my circumstances just now are that im a male single parent to 2 girls 10 and 13, their mum is no longer with us, we split 7 years ago she died a year ago to cancer, the girls have been with me for 2 1/2 years so its not just been the last year. anyway i find myself resenting my girls, more so the eldest, i have on occasions hit my daughter for things like lying to me, i know its wrong but i cant control my anger. I have hit my eldest daughter the most. She seems to annoy me more for some reason. Im not looking for sympathy im looking for help,, if your going to just condemn me then please go elsewhere. Im here for help. i have been to the doctors twice, the first time i got prozac and told to look up a self help website. the prozac made me depressed for the 2 months i was on it so i came off it, i felt better instantly but gradually the anger came back now its taking over again. I went to the doctors last week for the second time, he said there is no help for anger and said i was to read up on it and could not even offer counselling as there are no counsellors at the surgery. I did tell him this time i had been hitting my kids but he just looked like it was my fault for not being able to control it. at work i nearly quit last week because of all the hassle involved with my job, albeit part time, its making me so angry i hate my job. When im driving, im going off my head at the least wee thing, blasting my horn and shouting at folk who cut me up etc. Im not being a very good dad and hardly talking to my girls much, so all in all i need to sort my anger out and try to improve my relationship with my girls. i do a lot of good things too but im here cause i need help with my bad things and the doctors are doing nothing to help me. my cousin and uncle and grandfather have/ had manic depression so im not sure if there is a link there or not. i feel as iof i need a professional to analyse me to see whats wrong as the doctors just give you pills and hope for the best so if there is something more serious its never going to get diagnosed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skyx Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 Difficult to read and I am not sure how people will feel here as there are so many abuse survivors including myself. I will not judge you. I believe that you can control how you treat your young girls, you can choose to be aggressive or you can choose to be kind and a whole world in between. Even if you have manic depression, you are still solely responsible for hitting them. I feel you know that you are not treating them as they deserve to be treated. They have lost their mother and their other parent is not showing them love or support. Put your feelings aside and do whatever you need to do. If you need family therapy, start that, if you need to talk to your children's school, do that. Don't make excuses, this is your responsibility, not their's. It is up to you to improve their lives. Coming here and talking about what goes on in your home I hope is the first start. Please be aware alot of people won't like what you have written, they won't support you because it hurts them too much. I hope with time you can learn from some of the people here that are excellent parents despite their mental health. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 There are voluntary organisations that offer counselling for perpetrators of domestic violence. [which this would come under]. You could also try a different GP. It sounds like there are some really deep issues that you need a safe place to explore. There also might be support in the form of respite care for your daughters if you approach social services. I understand that might seem rather drastic. But if you're going to get help, it may be what is necessary. My father expressed violence in words and occasionally with physical acts, when I was growing up. He was troubled, frightened and very insecure, also very likely depressed, and never sought support. From the work that I do in therapy I have a deeper empathic understanding of what he might have been going through. Not that it makes the way he behaved 'ok', but it happened and things are so so different in our relationship now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 I too suffered violence as a child from my Mother and my older brother. I found this hard to read initially but I can tell you are seeking to change and I back up what Sky has said that getting immediate help is very important and the change ultimately has to come from within and it sounds like you are ready for that change. I had anger management courses as a teenager as I was very angry with the world (but took it out on myself) so these things are available. Also available to you is CBT for specific issues and family counselling and counselling for perpetrators of abuse. You need to get your doctor to refer you for a professional assessment by the CMHT (community mental health team), try a different GP if you still get not joy from your current one. Physical abuse should not be swept under the table and your GP has a duty of care to your children to take this seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimindigo Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 Hi Ed, So who was angry with YOU when you were a kid? It is learned behavior,and you are passing it on to YOUR kids,the same way your parent(s) passed it on to you,and THEIR parents,and THEIR parents before them,and on and on it goes,Christ,it could go back to the middle-ages for all we know! The FIRST thing, you may be surprised to know,is to have compassion for that little boy you once were,it will be IMPRINTED in his/your mind,and this is precisely what YOU are doing to your daughters. I suggest as an emergency measure that you talk this over with the kids--TELL THEM without going into too much detail,that it happened to you too,and that you are terribly sorry,but you are going to get some help. And for God's sake,please tell them that you LOVE THEM--let them hear the words,"I LOVE YOU." Try and agree with them(as an emergency measure),some kind of WORDS or SIGNAL that will STOP you in your tracks (something like "I thought you loved me daddy") or anything else the THREE of you can agree on.Treat them like intelligent people who by virtue of being on the planet deserve to be respected( the same way YOU like to be respected).If at the very moment you were going to be angry,I put a gun at your head and told you to stop,by Christ you'd stop all right! I BEG you not to do this to your girls,you more than anyone knows how terrifying it is to a helpless child,it can stop HERE,NOW,with you. Here is a number for anger management across the country, don't know what it cost,but you could have a word with them:0845-1300-286. Now,let's see how strong you really are (a challenge). Kind Regards, P.S. Please drop me a line to tell me how you get on. jimindigo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skyx Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 jimindigo has given sound advice as have everyone, I agree with the "I LOVE YOU", declaration so important to start communicating in a positive and loving manner. Something came to me when reading your topic again, your eldest daughter may lie to you because she is scared of you, so you punish her and there is a cycle that needs breaking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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