Do I Sack My Cpn?

[catsmother21]

I have had my current CPN for over a year now. She was assigned to me by my pdoc to try to get me out of the house a bit more and not once in all this time has she even mentioned going out, let alone doing it.

The CPN's that I have had in the past, have taken me out for a coffee or we've gone to the White Rose shopping centre for a bit of a wander around and a coffee but this one has done nothing.

When I was going through that stuff with my pdoc and trying to get my meds changed but she wouldn't do it and had to employ an advocate to get this done - whenever I talked to her about this she just had a smirk on her face and gave the impression that she didn't believe a word I was saying and that the sun shone out of my pdoc's arse which believe me it doesn't!

She never acknowledges how I feel, she never empathises with how I feel. She is interested in the online DBT group that I am doing but from the point of view that she wants to learn more about it - I am not effing here to teach her DBT!!

The last time I saw her, I told her that I was suffering with really bad anxiety and that when I had been to Asda feeling like this, I had started crying in there and she basically said what's the big deal if you do that?! What's the big deal? - it could cause all sorts of unwanted attention and embarrassment and there are two aisles full of booze in there and I could possibly buy some and we all know where booze takes me - to an awful place but she just ignored what I said - no validation, no empathy, no nothing.

My hubby was there and I could see his face becoming redder and redder as he was so furious with her.

After I asked her to, she was also supposed to find a group for me to go to (see Craft Cafe thread) and she just printed out 2 useless pieces of paper with nothing relevant on there at all, she didn't even ring anywhere. I was left feeling really disappointed because I thought there was nothing for me to do but then with her incompetence in mind, I went on the internet and withing 15 minutes and a phone call to the Craft Cafe, I found what looks like could be the perfect group for me.

I am worried about the travelling because it is right the other side of the city from where we live and I know that she not even offer to help me to get there for the first couple of times as she hasn't even once tried to get me out of the house since I've known her.

Well I call her my CPN, she is actually an Occupational Therapist but what occupational therapy has she done with me? NOTHING!!

There are plenty more of these kinds of examples of her non-work but didn't want to make the thread too long.

Hmmmm - writing this all down, I think I may have answered my own question.

[Data]

In my experience the boundaries are blurred nowadays and sometimes a psychiatric nurse, occupational therapist or social worker will all do similar jobs - or even the same job. However, it doesn't matter what your training is, you should empathise with your client and have a good relationship with them. I am sorry you are not being supported effectively by your worker, but I am glad that writing it out here has helped clarify the situation in your head.

[catsmother21]

Thanks Data - it has helped getting it down in writing instead of worries and uncertainties spinning around in my head all the time.

[aurorablues]

Hi Catsmother,

Sorry you are having such a hard time with your CPN, you know you have every right to ask for another one. If you write to the head of the CMHT and/or your PDoc requesting a change in CPN explaining you have a conflict of interest (is that the right saying?) with your current one, they will likely give you another one to work with, if the others work loads are not to big. I had to do so once when i had a pretty bad social worker. Sadly there are always some bad eggs amoungst the good.

I have a great Social worker now, one i had before (this was the one i was given when requested a new one a long time ago) she's now back on the scene because of my issues with tranquilisers and current detoxing.... We get on brilliantly and if i wanted to meet her for a coffee of go out with her she will do so. She also likes to hear about DBT because she has a keen interest in it and likes to hear it from the patients perspective aswell as the clinical. Also everybody else has been sent on the courses and there's no space for her yet and she's a little peeved about it. So when she comes round i try to explain a few things to her the best i can and she listens with interest.

I hope you can get this issue resolved.

Aurora

Edit to add: I had an OT when i came out of hospital, and although she was a lovely person, she didn't really do much other than write lists and rotas of what i could do on a daily basis and that was that. It seemed that, that was all her job description was

Perhaps you would benefit more having a Care-Coordinator/Social worker or CPN.

[catsmother21]

Thanks Rory - I have thought about requesting another one but after the fight with my pdoc to get my meds changed, I fear that they will put it down to BPD and that I am being awkward and pushing her away which I am not - I feel that I have valid reasons for not wanting her anymore especially as she has done nothing to help and my hubby agrees.

At the moment, I think our time would be better spent on trying to get me out more than sat going through my DBT stuff as I am dealing with that very well on my own with the online course. She always seems to leave here with more information and help than I do - if you see what I mean. If she was helping in other areas, I wouldn't be so bothered about going through it with her.

I feel that after over a year, she has no understanding of me at all.

I am going to speak to her about this next week when I see her (the thought of this frightens the life out of me but will try to use my Interpersonal skills effectively!) and see how she feels about it all and will make my decision after that.

I don't want to be totally reliant on a CPN as I have proved to myself with the thing with my pdoc and finding the Craft Cafe group that I am capable of sorting things out for myself. I just need someone to hold me up while I start getting myself out and about again and be there to get me back on track if I take a step backwards.

It's just too much that when she leaves every time, I am either angry or very upset which just isn't productive at all and feel that I just want to go it alone for now and see how I get on.

I'm glad that you've got a good 'un it makes all the difference :)

[bibiddi]

I'm on my third cpn,one was an OT, and was much more useful than yours.

I have found asking to change hasn't been a difficult one.

It may have taken a month or two for them to find a new one, but nothing I couldnt cope with.

It may be an idea to ask what her aims are with you.

Mine have to report to their big boss to say how I am progressing, but if you're not doing anything, I wonder what she can say?

I would suggest not to get rid of her, but change her, because once you are out of the system, it can be a bugger to get back in.

The craft cafe sounds like something I would love to go to - I hope you enjoy it.

[catsmother21]

Thanks - I will talk to her Bibiddi and see what she says and how she sees things. At the end of last year, she did say that she didn't think I was that unwell when I was nearly through the floor with depression and sleep deprivation!

Yep the Craft Cafe does sound good - I hope I enjoy it too. :)

[aurorablues]

I think it sounds like a good idea having a chat with her using your interpersonal effectiveness skills. I know it's scary but would be a good way to find out just what she is supposed to do to help you in terms of her job description.

If this chat gets you nowhere, as bibbidi states, it would probably be best to request a change rather than sacking her outright.

You can write a letter to the head of CMHT rather than going through your Pdoc.

Aurora :)

[catsmother21]

Ok this is my plan

• speak to her about what her aims and job description are
  
• tell her how I feel that she never acknowledges how I feel
  
• can we work together to make things better
  
• if not will request a new CPN.
  

And thanks Rory for letting me know that I am able to write a letter instead of having to go through my pdoc which I really didn't want to do - that makes things easier for me. :)

[Maddie50]

I have nothing to add to all the good advice you have had. i have had good and bad experience with social workers, CPNs etc. Knowing how good the good ones are makes me less willing to put up with those who do not know or want to do their jobs.

Hope you resolve your issues and get the services you deserve.

Love M x

Oh - just seen your plan. We posted at same time. Good plan. go for it.

x

[aurorablues]

:speak_cool: Good plan :hug2:

[fedup!]

Cats your bullet pointed list is fair, do-able and lets you take control. Go for it! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[catsmother21]

Thanks everyone

(Bum ran out of likes)

[aurorablues]

You can write a letter to the head of your CMHT rather than going through your Pdoc.

Fixed, just incase of any confusion.

Aurora :)

[Skyx]

Just to say I've read and wish you luck hun, sounds to me like you have thought it all through, discussed it with people who have had similar experiences and made a plan. This is an excellent way of dealing with such issues.

[Skyx]

And I'll "Like" everyone's post on your behalf!

[catsmother21]

Thanks Skyx - it really does help me talking through stuff on here. Helps to stop me making impulsive decisions that ultimately are only detrimental to me and thanks for covering the likes for me xx

[Skyx]

Happy to help.

[lonelyheartemma]

theres not much I can really say because everyone has already said it and i agree.

I feel really bad suggesting you change something slightly and maybe i'm just being picky and maybe idk what i'm talking about and maybe i'm just horrible or maybe its just wrong but if I do say it you can always ignore me.

but maybe looking at 'your (the cpns) aims' could be 'our aims'? if you point out what people are doing wrong they do sometimes get upset and think you are being confrontational or something. But if you say 'we' youve kind of made it joint responsibility and your kind of saying lets improve our working relationship now by working on this problem together.

have you got a care plan or is that just for children? when I had a care plan it had a list of aims on which also said who needed to take action about each thing and I had my own copy of it. it might be easier talking about it if you can physically refer to a care plan so theres no doubt whats been said. if you have one and its like mine it should say something like 'Catsmother to spend a specific amount of time outside the house each week, cpn and catsmother to take action' and 'Catsmother to find a local group where she can meet people and explore her interests, cpn to take action' then she can read it and see for herself she hasnt done what she was supposed to do. if you don't have one of these maybe you could make one together? having something in writing you can refer to when you need to can really help

[catsmother21]

You're not being horrible or anything like that Emma - you haven't got a bad bone in your body sweets.

Thanks for reminding me about my care plan - I haven't seen one for ages - something else that she hasn't kept on top off!

I am going to use my interpersonal skills when I talk to her so that I am not confrontational and will use what you have said about it being our aims as well.

Thanks for the good advice. xx

[lonelyheartemma]

you have brilliant interpersonal skills catsmother thats one of the many many things I really admire about you.

I think however your cpn reacts to this will show you something about how likely it is you can work together. if it goes wrong it won't be your fault and if it goes right it could be really great for both of you

it must be really frustrating that she's using you as her dbt teacher but it is good she's interested in learning new things and that she knows she can learn things from her clients. That is obviously much less important than doing her job and helping you but I feel like that's a positive thing, if she has an open mind in that sort if way, she might turn out to have an open mind in other ways too

[catsmother21]

I hope so - my appt with her is on Weds so will post how it went then and thank you for the compliments xx

[catsmother21]

Well I had the meeting with her today and I talked about most of what I wanted to and thought I was happy with things but it always takes me a while and a bit of thinking to form a full opinion and although it went OK, I feel that she should have helped me more when I was poorly last year that was when I really needed it. Now that I am feeling quite a bit better with the new meds change, it has been ME that took control of that situation with my pdoc and it has been ME that has been slowly getting myself out of the house more and I found that Craft Cafe myself.

So I am back to wondering what is the point of having her really, I guess it's good to have someone to talk things through with but she only comes once every 3 weeks now.

Being realistic there is also the worry that I could get really poorly again - so, in conclusion - I'll carry on with it for now.

[Data]

I am glad you have made a decision. Lets hope its the right one and the relationship improves.

[catsmother21]

Thanks Data - a big part of it was lack of communication on her part and I told her that as long as I know what she is thinking then it makes things easier for me and so, yes, let's see how it goes.