Anger

[Data]

I've noticed that I am drinking more... in the last week I had about 50 units. Often in the past I have drank because I am anxious or depressed. But whilst I am not particularly happy at the moment, my moods and stress are under control, so thats not the reason. Yesterday I had my counselling, and it was only after the session had ended that I realised why I have increased my alcohol consumption: I am struggling with anger.

I will try to list the things that make me angry:

1. My work. I am trying hard and I achieve something nearly every day (even weekends), but failure is still a realistic prospect for me. Well, failure would mean that I'd have spent 5 years to get a masters degree, which would devastate me. But what makes me so angry is that the feeling I get from the communications from the university and my supervisor is that its all my fault. I've done everything that is asked of me, I've tried my best. And I bet my supervisor has never built a computer program as large as mine. Why am I punished and made to feel guilty when I've done my best? Why do I have to beg for extensions every year? Its so humiliating.

2. My wife. I can't change her. She does her best but today my daughter rejected a glass of water that my wife gave her because the glass was filthy. Yesterday she had to change her own glass because it was so frothy with the residue of washing-up liquid. She can't help it, she just isn't very good at housework.

3. My mother. I can't change her. She never provided me with what I needed as a child, and she certainly isn't going to now.

4. Other people. I still can't let go of some really trivial incidents that happened earlier on this month, when a volunteer at a mental health social group gave me a funny look. I have managed to rationalise it logically in my head, but the anger and insecurity persist.

5. My friend. He isn't much of a friend. He isn't there for me when I need him. He can't be, he is incredibly naive and not self-aware at all. He doesn't deal with his real problems: his lack of social skills, his management of his moods, and his lack of self-care towards his diabetes. He prefers instead to focus on the supernatural, Aleister Crowley, bizarre stories, practical jokes, and other forms of escapism. I have to accept that I can't change the situation between him and his friend, who is a survivor/victim of abuse, and that really upsets me.

6. The world. It seems to be falling to bits at the moment, jobs are incredibly scarce and the poor are being made to suffer for the mistakes of the rich. (Note: we can't really talk about this here though because its against the rules).

7. Myself. I think self-hatred is definitely my biggest form of anger. I should have finished my PhD long ago. I feel so guilty about when I lose my temper with my wife, she tries her best. I know she struggles with motivation some times but then so do I, so what right have I to judge her???. And my mum can't help the way she is, she has always meant well. How did I did I manage to get so wound up at the social group? Why do I get angry at my immature friend, its not his fault! And most of all, I hate myself for being obese (24 stones), and I hate the fact that I complain to myself (and on here) about my life when other people are much worse off.

I am also angry with myself that I don't seem to be changing much as a result of my counselling. I've been seeing her for a few months now. She says that we are gathering good information and that is useful. However, when she suggests things like relaxation stuff, I always forget to apply it .

So thats what its like at the moment. I mostly internalise my anger now, I don't have bad temper outbursts like I used to. But it doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with. Punching a punchbag won't help, but then I don't know what will!

[Villan]

Anger is a bitch

This is what helped me

try and step back from the anger... instead of saying stuff like

i AM angry

say instead

i FEEL anger

this may help lessen the impact as it identifies and emphasises that the anger is a feeling and not actually a part of you...

so... what do you do with the feeling... well, much like every other one i guess, work out what you feel angry about and then either make plans to change the circumstance, talk to the other person (this could be an anon letter not confrontation) or accept the things that you can't do anything about... the physical side of thing can also overwhelm and it is quite helpful to try and get that out too in whatever way helps you...

be careful though, cos anger being so powerful feeling has a habit of taking over other feelings... sometimes anger masks stuff like guilt and shame and they are the actual underlying emotions that need to be addressed rather than the anger which is just a secondary emotion... so when you feel anger, see if there is anything else there...

dunno if that helps or not... or if it even makes sense... i am having a bad day with words...

[Skyx]

Hun you said,

I am also angry with myself that I don't seem to be changing much as a result of my counselling. I've been seeing her for a few months now. She says that we are gathering good information and that is useful

Maybe without counselling you wouldn't have realized anger is an issue for you? I wish I had some answers for you, just to say I've read what you've written and I feel that perhaps you could try and make another topic post about your achievements which I can see are many. You are clearly under a lot of pressure I hope writing it down has alleviated some.