flippy Posted August 1, 2004 Report Share Posted August 1, 2004 it makes me angry when people say they are going to do something then dont do it, if someone tells me they will call me later and then dont it messes with my head, my emotions are that of a child so its like telling a kid you will call them and then forgetting they just wait and wait. then you say you didnt call me and you're accused of being accusatory and its put back on you all the guilt for being a needy waste of space and the stupidity because as an adult i know people dont always do what they say but i have bpd and makes me emotionally a child and i dont understand it. my family and friends who know i have bpd sometimes dont allow for it but then i think it is my stupid fault for having bpd and being such a drain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
befuddled Posted August 1, 2004 Report Share Posted August 1, 2004 BPD or no BPD - it's rude to stand anyone up. You have a right to be angry about it and need no excuses or special understanding or anything. You are right - the person was in the wrong not to call. Shame on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted August 1, 2004 Report Share Posted August 1, 2004 It drives me seriously loony when people cant stick to what they say, there is never a good enough excuse as it only takes a 1 min call to tell someone you cant make something or do something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tory Posted August 1, 2004 Report Share Posted August 1, 2004 Drives me mad to. I think up really bad reasons for y they havent done what they say they would. Some people i get mad at for it more then others and i tend to go off it at them bout something totally different then telling them i mad cos u didnt phone or cos they didnt do this or that. Child like view of world is fun at times but sooo hard most of the time. Tory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy Posted August 2, 2004 Report Share Posted August 2, 2004 yes it does annoy me but somtimes other stuff happens, why not ring them maybe somthing has happened. lucy :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer Posted August 2, 2004 Report Share Posted August 2, 2004 I get really pissed when people don't call when they say they will. Then I decide that if they do call later that I am not going to answer the phone...that is their loss not mine. You had every reason to be upset when your friend didn't call. Next time they do that just take off and do something for yourself....enjoy your day.....don't let them hold you back...Hugsssssssssssssssssssssssss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted August 2, 2004 Author Report Share Posted August 2, 2004 Most of the time it is usually a misunderstanding as in ive not heard the "if i can part" and then i get angry at the situation not the person and tend to withdraw because i feel so stupid. it makes me wonder why do we do this to ourselves cause unecessary pain by simply talking about it rather than letting it snowball in our heads. my bro in law is a great example he has been servicing my car for weeks and promised to do it the weekend before we went away which was last weekend, because he was "busy" it is now going to be after we get home. I could deal with this if he hadnt given me a specific time and then changed his mind, i was all geared up and he doesnt get why im pissed, all i heard was how little time he has, but he was the one who said he would do it. it just makes me angry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted August 4, 2004 Report Share Posted August 4, 2004 It was pointed out to me (gently) today that other people have lives too - in other words, a friend who I had been leaving messages for - then anxious messages - then angry messages left me two full voicemails today, telling me to refer to these voicemails when I am feeling insecure about our relationship, because obviously I forget all the good he has been over the years. He didn't say that-I did. Anyway, he mentioned as though I had not known, though I have always known, that his mother and mother in law are both in nursing homes and in need of daily time from himself and his wife. That and the fact that they both work full time and have other obligations and involvements keeps them very busy, and he will not always be able to respond immediately. How kind of him to leave me the voicemail and not be contemptous. How needy I must seem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted August 4, 2004 Report Share Posted August 4, 2004 look up bpd in the dsm IV and it says...needy, needy, needy got u back... bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted August 4, 2004 Report Share Posted August 4, 2004 I feel drawn to add a bit of personality information here.... I read a book called PERSONALITY PLUS - and I learned so much about the 4 different personalities. I am a 'sanguine' - the one dubbed 'dumb blonde' - forgetful, inconsiderate, non-comitting - bunches of negatives - they are all unintentional - I will have the best intention to help someone - pick up someone - run erronds for someone - promise to call - ....etc... but my flighty personality makes me forget and seem irresponsible. It drives my Melancholy hubby nuts at times, but he knows all about the personalities and helps me change the flaws of mine, while controlling his from getting angry at me. He's a perfectionist - I'm a clutter-bug. It's a great book, if ever you want a great read. It helps you to understand and accept other's flaws. I used to think eveyone should be like me - funny, happy, see the good in everything, walk around smiling.... what was wrong with the rest of the world??? Then i married a Phlegmatic husband (#1) - who enjoyed being miserable and a home body and a recluse and being grumpy and irritated. I didn't understand why he didn't like being around people - he would want to vaporize himself if i walked up to a total stranger to tell them i loved their outfit! anyway - it's a wonderful book to pass the time... actually, the author's newest one is called PERSONALITY PLUS FOR COUPLES.... and I just told someone this the other day - I'm in the book - my stories - by name "Alana" - and it's a hoot now that I go back and read it! It is rude not to call someone back or fulfill your commitment to someone - Let me appologize to all of you from all of us that don't mean to be inconsiderate. We don't love you any less and if everyone would learn the importance of accountability and learn to appologize to you all more often, life would be easier. I get bugged by people who know they are in the wrong and can't just say the simple words, "I'm sorry." So, 'I'M SORRY'!!!!! *hug* Lanie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted August 5, 2004 Report Share Posted August 5, 2004 Lanie & Bets- Yes, Bets, you did get me back. It was the first thing I read when I got here this morning, and your "gotcha" jolted me awake. I get such a charge out of seeing my name in print in these forums! Anyway, I had this clever story or response to you and Lanie this morning, and must have hit a wrong key or my computer burped or something, but it's gone from both the computer and my mind. I do know that I mentioned that the person who left me the two voicemails to listen to when I am feeling insecure about our relationship is actually my old therapist from 23 years ago. He and his wife have been like parents to me. They are older and very, very kind. The other thing is that I wanted to thank you, Lanie, for the book referral. I am always looking for something helpful to read. I usually have a help book and a novel going at the same time. I just finished "A Saturday's Life" by Radclyff Hall. The little girl in the story reminds me of us in many ways - not her experiences necessarily, but her reactions to situations when she is younger. I am also reading "The 7 Principles for a Good Marriage" I think that's right....Anyway, good book as well, suggested to me by the old therapist. Wish I had a computer at home, but if I did, I would spend all my time with you guys. I'd like to bring a blanket and pillow and climb into my computer. Verbena Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted August 9, 2004 Report Share Posted August 9, 2004 It is a real shame when anybody says that they will do something and then they do not do it. I can understand both parties though, as I have been let down in the past by so many people and when suffering with depression I thought the worst, when somebody did not not call etc, I felt unloved etc, but wasn't that my problem for having negative thoughts not so much theres? Also I am guilty of saying I will do something and then something else crops up and it then takes a back seat until I get round to it. I am sure we must all be guilty of not doing something at some point in our lives when we say we will do it. I think we just have to learn to think more positive and not to let it get to us when somebody lets us down, maybe listen to their explanation and maybe tell them how we feel when they have let us down. I now try to think that they do still love/care for me even thought they have let me down etc and I try not to go into automatic negativity straight away like I used too. I am still trying to master doing everything I say I will do, but you never know whats around the corner! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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