imdebbiem Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Earlier I binged on chocolate and cheese and threw it up. I managed a week without binging and have controlled my food intake really well. But today I have let it all go, the thought and shame of having my stomach feeling so full was too much for me. In the last 2 days I have started feeling a little bit more positive about myself, why oh why, do I have to go back to binging now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 What Stress are you under? What is happening that you need to be in control of, feelings or situations arising in your life right now? xoxo *fellow purger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Don't feel ashamed, you are coping the best you know how. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted February 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 (trigger?) SaharahBlue, I am struggling to cope with how much I hate myself and how much im failing my family. I just wish I could fall asleep and not wake up but feelings for my partner and children stop me from going down that way. I hate the feeling of food inside me and only eat enough to function, but sometimes i go through phases of eating and not stopping until I feel full, guilty and full of self hate, I wish I could stop it but the urges are so strong. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 :hug2: It sounds like a lot to be trying to hold in and hide from everyone around you. Know wonder you are feeling pushed to your limit. I try not to judge myself too hard for needing a release from it all. I know some people cut and some use drugs and alcohol. I see it as a similar coping mechanism that I need to be mindful of. Instead of feel bad I try accept that this is a signal that I need to talk or communicate all my stress to someone. Sometimes I am able to say, do I really want to eat all that crap because it will just mean I will end up purging, and sometimes it actually works. Because I know I really can deal with the thing that is triggering the behavior. I think of the deceiving ideas with ED's is that they are about your looks, because deep down it is not about the extra lost or gained it is about all the other stuff that make us feel like damn it, I just want to get one thing right. Or I want to have control over my body so I can feel safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted February 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Thank you Sararah Blue, I really agree and relate to what you said especially this- I think of the deceiving ideas with ED's is that they are about your looks, because deep down it is not about the extra lost or gained it is about all the other stuff that make us feel like damn it, I just want to get one thing right. Or I want to have control over my body so I can feel safe. I feel when I restrict the food I have control over myself to some degree and the binge today came completely out of the blue, cos although I know im not happy in myself at all right now, ive had quite positive thoughts on doing things to help myself like signing up for online dbt classes and trying to get back into drawing. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Added +point for the doing things to help myself thinking go girl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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