Roses Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Hi, as some of you know last year I was taken off a load of tablets - anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, tryptofan (to boost anti-d's) and I was left on the anti-psychotics, mood stabilisers and a sleeping tablet. As others may also know I have recently changed sleeper from a hypnotic (switched between zopiclone and zolpidem for last 6 years) to a more substantial temazepam as I was not sleeping. However, the time has come for me to address the tablets I am still on. Am supposed to be on 1000mg of depakote (valpoarate) and 400mg quetipaine in conjunction with my sleeper. I have decided (as not seeing pdoc for another 6 months now!!!!) that I am going to come off the mood stabiliser as I can no longer cope with not feeling a darn thing and being so fat all the damn time. I constantly feel bloated and have tried really hard for months now to shift the weight - and I mean really tried! I've tried eating more of healthier stuff to get system boosting and cleansed and now for last month have resorted to semi-starvation. In conjunction with spending 30-hour on Wii dance fit intense programme and daily activities (cleaning etc) and runs to school etc... and I have not lost a bloody thing and I still look the same! I mean I have noticed maybe 1-2 pound difference an a little tone but that is it - zip, nothing, nada and I'm sick of it! So today is day one of going from 1000mg to 500mg at night of mood stabiliser and although I have been sweating all day and feeling generally hung over (DT's) I can actually feel and I don't look as bloated (and husband has noticed a significant difference too so not in my head). I feel amazing so far and I know it's early days and I have to be careful but it's like a dark, veil has been lifted and I can actually see my life and FEEL - AMAZING!!!! Weeeeee........ Obviously we have to be careful, first nod from hubbie and it's back on the tablets or call CPN/crisis but I DID manage all those years without tablets and SH so why not again? Why not try again instead of the constant negativity of the NH team saying take this and take that all the time. Why can't I just be Rose again for a while? Just a little while, please, I have missed living so much it just seems that since the fall last year it has been one appt after the other and there is no life, no time for me. What with this illness of possible epilepsy as well - why not have some time to be just me?????? Anyway, anyone else feel much better off the mood stabilisers? And please don't just judge me as someone who is behaving irrationally as I am far from doing that. Thanks for reading xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elke Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Abilify. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Hi Roses I know exactly where you're coming from. I stopped my anti-d in october and since then have lost weight, I'm more creative and more confident as a result. I too want to be the old starry before I started all these meds but with more insight into my behaviour which, thanks to therapy, I feel I have now. You sound really positive and I hope things continue to get better for you. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anabas Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Hi Roses, I can understand you doing it yourself as sometimes waiting for the professionals to make such suggestions can take a long time and only YOU know how you feel. Having said that (and you have acknowledged this anyway) just be careful re your mood. Like you say your husband will help guide you. Only thing I would recommend is that you do it slowly. Wishing you the best of luck xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted March 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Thank you so much for taking the time to read/respond and be so positive - I was expecting much judgement but as ever my friends on here are wonderful and supportive. I understand Starry and I remember that time for you, I'm glad that you have stayed well. I am due to be starting my DBT soon (anytime I am told) so am hoping that the two coinciding will be even more positive for me. This coupled with a new insight into life (after seriously almost dying or ending up crippled last summer) and a renewed faith in God has really helped me and I am so far nearly 8 month self harm freeeee!!!!! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Congrats on the 8 months. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted March 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Thanks Jasmine, it means a lot to me to hear someone say that. It's a big deal to me as it was daily or even more than that and now.. the difference... I still get the urges from time to time but it's not how it used to be xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 I absolutely know how much of a big deal it is. For me it's about just over 2 months or so. But I have gone to a year and a half before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted March 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Well done to you too - 2 months is a long time! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Thanks. It is, especially considering everything I've been through in that time. It's a brave move to come off a medication, too. I hope it continues to go smoothly for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Not judging but was wondering if better to build off slower,in smaller doses? Also if you find you do need them you could always see if you can do with a lower dose,like you say it already makes a difference. In any case it sounds well thought through and wish you good luck with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 wishing you well with decreasing the meds roses, can fully understand wanting to 'feel' more again, especially if the side effects are a lot to bear. its great that you have planned it out and have a support system in place to keep an eye on how you doing xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 My psychiatrist allows me to control my dose of medication myself (subject to limits). It seems that we are living in the age of the 'expert patient', where we are expected to have opinions on our own health, and we are no longer slaves to the god-like all-powerful all-knowing doctor. Good luck with your medication reduction, Roses -- just please take it gradually, will you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Good luck with it, please be careful tho, i seem to remember you comibg off lithium a while back and ending up poorly. Personally I'm better on them than not, if I skip I get an initial high then a low if I stop, I get suicidal and either to high or to low Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted March 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Thanks so much for all of your support. I am taking it slowly so it's ok. Nothing major like just stopping. Yes, I came off the lithium and became ill but I was in a much different place then, nowhere near where I am now. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrangeLamp Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Good stuff rosey, best of luck with it Sounds like you've got the support in place, nice job. Glad to see things are getting better for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Wish u luck hun xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyChain Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Wishing you luck hun, only you will know how fast or slow to take it, just remember though if you need to tweek them back up a bit it isnt a backward step, it just a delicate balancing act. Really proud of how far you have come, hope that you are too xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted March 2, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Thank you so much everyone! I carried on with the sweats and that and didn't get to sleep until 1am this morning but when I did sleep I got the best block of 6 hours solid sleep I have had in a long time, so my body must be adjusting to the new sleeper too which is good. This morning so far I just feel normal so I'll just keep going. My CPN is coming for her visit to me next Tuesday and I have promised Mike that I will tell her my plans so that they are aware of what I am doing. I feel positive about having a future for me for once, which is a very different motivation for coming off the tablets than before. Before I was kind of convinced by my therapist to try and come off them and that's when it all went wrong and Mike was at work all day and I was alone a lot whereas he is here with me all the time now. I'll keep you updated. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 well done in reducing your meds hun. Really glad all the hard work is paying off for u. x miss speaking more, but more glad ur sorting things out for urself xx huggles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Don't forget to reach for your new skills to help you manage without meds, its the not reaching for them that leads to acting out and old problems resurfacing. I am thinking about coming off my meds too. The weight thing is such a self esteem killer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Hi Roses, I can relate to the weight thing I can be as healthy eating as poss, really watch my calories and nothing comes off. I'd love to come off my meds but for now , I guess I'll try and not rock the boat since I have had about two stable months. I'm supposed to have six before my psych will consider reduction. I guess take it slow and watch out for any negative signs. Initially after cutting meds I get quite euphoric. You have a good hubby though and I'm sure he'll watch out for you. I really hope it works for you!! I wish I could find the creative spark in me again, too much of my life has been spent in a medicated haze. My memory is shot to pieces. Sorry have not written a post in awhile and it's all over the shop. What I really meat to say is: I hope you are able to come out of the fog and into yourself more. Take care Bumble x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted March 2, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Thank you so much my friends for your continued support and kind words of support. I am overwhelmed by all of the wonderful people on here I have supporting me. Today has been a good day too, I have been out and done some gardening for the first time since last June! I also had a stand up shower (been scared of wobbling over as feeling so dopey and this illness with the fits and that). Have just felt totally liberated again today. I don't know how long I will stay on half dose of mood stabiliser for before I come off completely or half again but I will stay at this level for a while - at least until after the tests in 20/22nd March so will be a good few weeks before I go down another level. Have had a good day of mixing healthy eating with exercise and feel so much more freeeeee xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrangeLamp Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 yay! So glad to be hearing this story rosey, really glad. You've done so well, long may it continue :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Roses, I completely get why you feel you need to do this. I certainly won't be knocking you for trying . It must feel empowering to be taking back some control over your health/meds. Good luck xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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