Toxie Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 4 years on meds, feel like Ive been depressed my whole life but I always use the "starting on meds" date as my starting point as its just easier to keep track of. I feel like 4 years is too long, then I read about people who have had depression for 10 years, 30 years. I'm sick of "it will get better" I'm sick of "you wont always be depressed" because I'm pretty sure I will. Here's whats improved -meds dont let me cry so I just feel engulfed in sadness and emptiness -stopped self harming as a coping method, have started comfort eating instead or spending money i dont have -im able to wear a convincing mask for 80% of the time I am around people -my good days are now good instead of "well, im not crying all day, but i want to" I still want to sleep until something changes. I want to wake up in another world where people are not demonised for not being able to work due to an illness. I want to wake up in a world where Politicians arent all sociopaths and make our lives worse every term. I want to wake up ina world where people care about me and my "friends" are my friends. I want to wake u in a world where Im not jealous of people who are confident and happy. Al this will never happen, I'm so fucking bored of existing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelk01 Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Hello Toxie, I'm sorry to hear this. I know how you feel as i have suffered with anxiety and depression for quite some time so sometimes people think that it is an act or being fake but i know how you feel frustrated and upset the way things are. I just hope your situation gets better and that everything goes good for you. . xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsmother21 Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 ((((Toxie)))) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 (hugs) I hope things get brighter for you Toxie xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxie Posted March 2, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 thanks guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Im sure it sucks!!! And its totally understandeble youre fed up!!!Its perfectly ok to allow yourself to hate it. But please dont give up.......there are always new things to try. New hope to be found. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmer Posted March 3, 2012 Report Share Posted March 3, 2012 ,Hello Toxie. Im one of those peaple who have been depressed for the past 40years and i no its not much fun. I have been on so many differant meds and none of them really help. I BPD and Anxiety its hard to live with it sorry to hear your fed up with feeling this way. I do hope that you do get better I dont wish anyone to live this life feeling crap unhappy fedup wanting to die and hating life so much. please take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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