Don't Know What To Do With Overwhelming Anger I Cant Get Rid Of.

[successful_workthru]

Hi

I have always had overwhelming anger at my family as they treated me badly, i.e. spoke to me in a horrible way, humiliating and bullying me in many ways.

My sister used to bully me and my mum let her join in many times when she was having a go at me.

Years ago, when my dad was abusive to my mum, she used to confide in the sister who bullied me. When I said she could talk to me her reply was "You cant deal with it"

I had a seven year rift from them, and in that time I sent them letters telling them how I feel.

2 years ago, very foolishly, during a time when I was distressed cos of valium withdrawal symptoms, I rang them and told them everything that was bothering me.

They came 300miles and picked me up and I stayed there for three weeks. That was back in 2010.

I then used to speak to my mum every day, and she helped me write letters to the CAB as I had benefit queries I was worried about at the time.

I spoke to her every night or thereabouts until summer last year.

I just stopped ringing her, but I did not feel I could tell her why.

The reason why, was because, during those phone calls she mentioned that the letters I sent when we had the rift were cruel.

She also said in another phonecall that the family kept me little.

In another phonecall, she said I would not get the apology I wanted.

In yet another call, she said that she could have treated me better, but she was getting nagged at the time (Dad used to speak horribly to her)

The problem is, I feel passive aggressive for not phoning them.

My family just think I am unwell from the valium withdrawals and don't know I am upset with what my mum said on the phone last year.

I can't keep carrying this anger on me, cos I keep snapping and hurting myself in anger, but I don't know how to release it without speaking to my family.

My counsellor gave me some very good advice about not speaking or writing to them while upset and to compose a no send letter which I have done.

I don't know how to relate to my family in future. They are elderly and if they die, I feel a hypocrite taking my inheritance off them.

Please help, I think about them every day, and the stupid mistakes I made by calling them in the middle of a rift and not asking why? when my mum told me they kept me little.

[starryeyesee]

Hi

You could try writing it down or going into venting or unwritten letters...

Or you could go for a run round the block or punch some pillows.

I'm sorry you had to go through that with your family

starry xxx

[successful_workthru]

Hi

You could try writing it down or going into venting or unwritten letters...

Or you could go for a run round the block or punch some pillows.

I'm sorry you had to go through that with your family

starry xxx

Thanks for the suggestions.

I tried punching pillows years ago, and it didn't work, as it wasn't destructive, so I gave in to the urge to punch a wall instead.

Alice Miller says "Alice Miller encourages grown children to express anger and pain to their parents, not to punish or change, but to develop an authentic relationship."

I feel I cannot do this with parents who not only won't apologise to me, but seem to boast about what they did to me.

I feel like my mum can admit what she did without apology,because, now I am 45 years old, there is little hope for me to change into a happier person, and my mum knows that.

I've got some notes that are really rough, that I have been just jotting down. I have been doing this since September, but for the life of me, I cannot find the right way to express my anger without my parents rejecting my feelings and making things worse.

I will put these notes in venting anyway, thanks for the suggestion.

[starryeyesee]

Hi

I read your vent

you seem to have real insight into your relationship with your family

I hope writing it out as helped and if you finish it and decide to send it I hope you get your apology. But even if you don't you are eloquent and fighting a battle which I hope you end up winning

starry xxx

[Lily-Bee]

I dont think youre stupid for contacting your mum.You where alone,upset etc you needed care and thats where you hoped youd find it!

Its very very common for children to keep going back to their parents even when they only hurt them,its a primitive instinct to look there for care and love.