angelofmusique Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hi, I'm new on the forum but thought I might benefit from hearing some unbiased views about my eating attitudes and behaviour. Honestly I'm not sure if I have a significant problem (i.e. a disorder) or not...or maybe I am deep down, but I'm somewhat in denial. I've never been happy with myself or my appearance (oddly, I have always had issues with my face and stomach areas) and a lot of the time I have felt rather inadequate around other people. I confess my self-esteem is poor and pretty unstable, and since leaving school and going to university I have become increasingly isolated. I wouldn't say I was a hermit, but I do keep people at a distance. I've never been classed as overweight, but I decided I needed to change and lose a few pounds and tone up before leaving college. I wanted to be happy with the way I looked for once. My diet thus became increasingly rigid and as I grew smaller and smaller my weight goals only seemed to decrease. Before I realised it I was obsessed with calories and food seemed to dominate my life. I barely ate yet exercised daily and as a result I became noticeably underweight, tired most of the time and I lost my menstrual cycle. I never 'purged' although I sometimes wanted to. Due to family concern, I did begin to eat more and found I could consume much more food than I realised without gaining fat. I started to enjoy eating again (and cooking) and I put on some weight and apparently looked better for it. Since then things have kind of fluctuated. I'm still cautious about what I eat, how much I exercise and how much I weigh. A lot of the time when I look in a mirror I am still unsatisfied with what I see, although not always. Logically I know I should look skinny and in places I do, but my face and stomach still seem to bulge out in my eyes sometimes (in fact they even FEEL as though they do when I'm not looking). It's very frustrating and distressing to me whenever I think about it. My diet is still rather rigid and I rarely eat the types of food I desire, i.e. "naughty" foods like chocolate or cake. I do have the occasional treat now, but only when I feel I've earned it and I NEVER snack. I do always eat breakfast and a large dinner though each day, although sometimes I skip lunch in favour of having that large dinner without the guilt afterwards. My average intake is approximately 1300 calories a day at most which is a huge difference from the 800 or so I used to ration myself to. Nevertheless I definitely still have food-related issues. Everything in my life is carefully controlled, including my diet. I'm very conflicted. On the one hand, it would be nice to let go even more than I have already, but on the other I hate the thought of losing that control and gaining any more weight although my parents would like me to. I admit my cycle is still irregular and has stopped once again which does frustrate and worry me. I was just wondering if anyone could share their advice or experience. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insideoutgirl Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 It sounds to me like , as I do you have E.D tendencies and it depends upon how you feel. . I.e. can fluctuate and you possibly suffer from body dysmorphia, You said that everything in your life is carefully controlled so it does sounds like you tend to be quite obsessive. It is worrying that you're periods have stopped, and I would say that this is a sign you need to ensure your body is getting the right nutrients.. and may need some help... mine are completely irregular now after years of abusing my body... There is some more information here http://www.b-eat.co.uk/get-help/about-eating-disorders/types-of-eating-disorder/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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