Confession, Rant, Ramble

[Insideoutgirl]

I have been taking the tablets again... I.e. Large doses; it started a few weeks ago when there was trouble between my parents and boyfriend.

i felt so hurt..and couldn'nt express it to anyone.. I rang Crisis.. and Emailed South West Yorkshire Psychological services asking them to pass he message to my psych which was a proper rant..

OMG! I have to see her on Thursday.. god knows what she will say. Very embarassed and worried I rambled on about allsorts.. taking too many tablets and wanting to take more, wanting to slash the back of my right thigh.. stressed with everything going on, ..

=/

Right now I want to be sick because I just ate a plain tortilla wrap and I am beginning to be obsessive again about not eating carbohydrate, where if I have any at all I feel hideous.

I feel fat and disgusting at the moment... and I have put on weight... I don't like it I feel round, So I don't see really whats wrong with not having any, it should be my choice... I am very confused and have no idea what Im talking about,.. this is a complete babble.

I want to stop taking my medication as I worry it makes me not care and I want to care.

In the back of my mind theres a little voice saying if you dont take it you'll be obsessive again and this is good because you will look great,

The thing is I actually know this is true.. because quite frankly I think I DID look great before. .. and a lot of people commented it..now I just feel ordinary and nondescript... even though I must have only put on like 4lb it seems more like 4 stone.... Mostly I hate that my breasts are bigger... Im still a size 8 but I feel more like an elephant.

[MeMyself&I]

Please, I do know how you feel, but you must get immediate help. Do you not have any services you can fall back on when things gts this bad? Surely there is something? If not, can you at least call the Samaritans.

Hold on in there, I know that is easy for me to type.

[Insideoutgirl]

Hi,

I talked to my psych about not having anyone to talk to and she just said phone crisis.. but its like a lottery as to whether the person you get will be helpful or not.

I think though that I will call them again when I need to. I shouldn't let that person put me off.

She wasnt impressed that I sent an email.. it was odd.. she almost seemed embarassed by it!

She rang me yesterday,, no idea why as I missed the call.

I can talk to my boyfriend about things but he has his own problems and is not fair to put it all on him as he has enough stress already =(

xx