JasmineRose Posted March 28, 2012 Report Share Posted March 28, 2012 I seem to be accepting my depression at a very deep level, deeply accepting and acknowledging my depression, and what it's all about for me. The longing for love. My shame of my neediness. But accepting that It Is. This seems to be what my healing is about at this time in my life. I feel so low. And so alone. I also feel shame at the withdrawness that I do, that is both a protection from rejection, and a cry for help. I feel sad. So sad that at the moment I cannot cry. I need some people to 'sit with me' in this, if you can, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted March 28, 2012 Report Share Posted March 28, 2012 Jasmine I will sit with you hun later if thats ok when kids are not around. As I share all that you have said I feel I can cry for you and hoepfully you can see you are not alone xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted March 28, 2012 Report Share Posted March 28, 2012 I'm thinking of you JasmineRose, and hoping that your acceptance of your illness will help you feel better xxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted March 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2012 Thank you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILostHer Posted March 28, 2012 Report Share Posted March 28, 2012 Sitting with you. I am sorry you are hurting so much. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted March 28, 2012 Report Share Posted March 28, 2012 JasmineRose,honey my heart goes out to you. I always read your posts because i find you so caring and compassionate. Your empathy for the suffering of others is food to my soul. I really mean that. The way you perceive yourself is not how others do. Self-acceptance is the hardest journey to take and i truly admire your courage. Not many people can look at their heart as closely as you seem to be doing. Be gentle with your inner-self and i'm circling you with a warm embrace. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted March 28, 2012 Report Share Posted March 28, 2012 (((( jasmine))))) hope you are ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted March 28, 2012 Report Share Posted March 28, 2012 ((((((Jasmine)))))))) thinking of you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myla Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 (((JasmineRose))) what courage xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted March 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Thanks everyone, so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Hey Jasmine, you know where I am whenever you need a chat just PM me again , always willing to sit and listen hun. *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 I'm here with you too. It's always hard to accept our 'label'. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted March 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Thank you both. It's not so much the 'label' side of it, but the feelings beneath that. The real depression due to my past and everything in it, my early attachment trauma and all the family conflict afterwards, and the bullying, and how I was criticised, and how feelings were [not] managed in my family, and my parents own depressions, and then the redundancy threat last year, and so on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 I am sorry that you are feeling so depressed, however I am pleased that you have such a good insight into the causes of your depression. I am confident that eventually that insight will help you to pull through this so that you begin to feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted March 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Thank you Data. I feel like I am at last healing, and not everyone would understand that, because I feel so low. I know the truth though, and that's what's most important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 ((((Jasmine))))) I am sorry that I missed this but I will still sit with you.xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 (((((Jasmine))))) I can sit with you I think you are very brve to be facing up to your sadness and trying to heal yourself. Be kind to yourself xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted March 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Thank you both. I have my therapist's support with this, so I am not doing it entirely alone. I also have my befriender, and some super colleagues at work. I'm having waves of intense sadness again, and teariness. I saw my GP this morning, but I didn't even try to explain the process of what I'm going through at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted April 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 I'm feeling really silently tearful right now. Tears below the surface not coming through. I feel sad and sensitive. I just want to crawl away and curl up in a ball and sob. But the tears aren't that close enough. Yet, if someone 'touched' the right spot I'd probably be in floods of tears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 My suggestion is... go and chop an onion . But seriously, I am sorry you are feeling so sad and I am glad you have a therapist and are able to express how you feel, it sounds like you are working on your issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted April 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Thank you Data. I am currently drowning out the kids next door with my iPod. I feel so tired. And jittery. I think that I am scared, in part of me, of being sad. And when I am sad I am vulnerable, and all I seem to do is upset people here. This afternoon at work was quite stressy, the vulnerable man [who spat a while back and we called the police for, but they came too late] came in again, and was very hyper-vigilant and hostile to other customers, silently. I managed to manage/diffuse the situation, and he decided to leave - rightly knowing that being in public was too much for him to cope with this afternoon. But it was stressy, and I feel sad anyway. It's a lot to cope with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 (((((jasmine))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickle59 Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Here if you need, just sitting on the side lines.x Be kind to yourself.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imdebbiem Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 thinking of you Jasmine Rose ((big hugs)) xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 you've never upset me Jasmine, you always write really compasionate and kind things. It sounds like you did really well with the vulnerable man, i'm sure he picked up on how kind you were but that would be stressy for anyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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