lonelyheartemma Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 I'm really sorry to do this again! But i really feel like i have to do it. If she breaks confidentlaity my mum wouldnt care, she'd only care that i wrote to her and 'told lies' about her do you think this sounds ok? Dear Dr B I hope it's okay to use your e-mail address. There are a few things I'd like to tell you about which I can't say in front of my mum and this is really the only way I can contact you without her knowing. First of all I would like to say I really love coming to your appointments. I always leave the room feeling better than when I went in and I really appreciate how understanding you always are. You are always really positive and helpful, you always listen really carefully, and it really seems as though you know everything! But I really wish I could come and see you on my own. I know you really like my mum a lot and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable so maybe it would be better for me to see a different doctor. I would rather see you because you're my favourite doctor but I also like Dr P a lot, she's really good with mental health concerns. I have kind of suggested to my mum that she let me go on my own but she seems convinced I can't deal with anyone without her help. She decides what we talk about at each appointment so even though I always leave your room feeling reassured about the things we have discussed, there are always things I'm still worrying about because I haven't been able to mention them (and there are things I can't say in front of my mum anyway). This really bothers me, as I'm the patient and I am quite grown up now and the more my mum does for me, the less confidence I have. The obvious thing to do would be to explain this to my mum but I don't feel able to do this. What I would like to do is make another appointment without my mum knowing but this is very difficult to do. My mum has made an appointment for me to see you later in the month and I would guess it isn't possible for one person to have two appointments booked as I'd be taking up time which someone else needs more than me. It would also be difficult to find a time when I can leave the house without having to explain why. I can only really do this when my parents are on holiday. What do you think I should do? I know I'm old enough to do what I like but it's not that simple. I like to do as I'm told and cause as little trouble as possible but I am depressed and suicidal and I'm getting no support from the CMHT. My social worker doesn't really say anything when I tell her what's going on and how it makes me feel. This really discourages me from talking to her. There isn't anyone in my family I could talk to and my friends (who are all online friends) are really lovely but they feel the best thing to do would be to tell my GP. I really hope I haven't caused you any problems by sending this e-mail! I really don't want to do that. I just don't know what else to do. Emma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 I think that is a really good letter. You deserve so much to be listened, it must so frustrating for you what your mum is doing. Does your mum read your emails if the doctor replied via email? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fanta Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 I think this is a good email emma and I would send it, Good luck with it.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 thank you HH and Growly. its really nice of you to reply, i know you arent having a great day my mum doesnt have my email password HH. shes asked for it a few times but i'm not letting her have it and as far as i know she hasnt guessed. if my doctor replied by letter that would be harder. I dont think my mum opens my letters but she always seems to know when i get medical letters. she asks to see the letters and gets cross if i say no. I have a letter from my drama therapist i had to hide from her because it mentioned her in a negative way but luckily it arrived when she was away so that was easy to hide. I've sent it. I just really really hope i don't end up regretting it. I shouldnt be sending emails like that to my GP but i also shouldnt be in a situation where thats the only way of talking to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michael walker Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 hi emma its a good letter but because of your age you have a right to see your doctor in private if you so wish and you shouldnt have to resort to a letter to get this done , i know i wouldnt want anyone else going with me to see my doctor or therapist and your doctor or therapist should realise that you are not going to open up properly with someone else there even if it is your mum , your mum should also realise this , have you tried telling her up front that you dont want her there and how it make you feel when she is there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 I can't Michael. I know its not normal and wrong but i can't really say anything like that to my mum. I'm scared of her. I dont like going against everything she says. but i do have a right to the things you said and i'm hopefully finding a way of getting what i'm entitled to. I shouldnt be scared of asking for what i'm entitled to but i am. most people assume i am happy for my mum to be there. or at least that i need her there, they do tend to listen to my mum and ignore what I say. I say i want to kill myself, my mum says no she doesnt, the doctor isnt interested in what i said. when I have phone appts with doctors they talk to my mum, they don't even ask her to pass the phone to me so i can give permission. I'm just like a nothing person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 so scared my mum will find out :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michael walker Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 what your doctor is doing is wrong if i were you i would still send the e mail but also state to them to ask your mum to leave when you have an appointment also state in the e mail how you feel when your mum is there and ask them to make it look like it is their idea not yours and if they dont follow your advice you will have to make a complaint , i dont see changing doctors would benefit you as you seem to like the ones you have and even if you do your mum will still want to go in with you so you will have to over everything again , i would also take the apology off the bottom as you havent done anything wrong it is them who are wrong for not listening to you , i can see that you care very deeply for you mum but sometimes you have to put your own feeling before others and the longer it goes on the more frustrated you will feel and if your mum wants what is best for you she needs to really listen to your opinion she might feel a bit hurt or angry at first but if she loves you then she will get over it , i have 3 children myself and only want what is best for them and would never force them to do something that they wouldnt want to do . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 sorry Michael i've already sent it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 Hi I hope your GP reads and hears what you're saying. You have said everything very clearly and expressed your concerns and also the risks in that you're depressed and suicidal so need your GP to hear you. I really hope something good comes of this. Let us know (if you want) Jenny x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 I hope she does reply. as I am her patient she might feel i shouldnt be emailing her. my mum isnt her patient so maybe thats different. but if she doesnt reply its going to be so difficult seeing her again. i won't know if shes going to say something or accidently load up my email onto her computer screen. thank you Jenny. I will let you know xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted April 4, 2012 Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 Sorry Emma, but your mum frustrates the hell out of me. I think even if you didn't have mental health problems, you would still be in crisis with your mum. She just isn't helping you. Reading your posts about your mum makes ME anxious, so how you feel I can only imagine. I really hope something gets sorted for you soon, you need some privacy from her, especially when seeing YOUR gp. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 I got a reply I wont quote the whole thing but heres some of what she said. We definitely need to have a good think about what the options are. I would be more than happy to see you on your own The problem will be letting your mum know I'm sure we can work something out she didnt have any ideas yet but i think this shows she recognises my problem is important, she does feel i'm mature enough to go to appts on my own, she realises explaining to my mum how i feel isnt that easy, she wants to work with me to find a way that would make everyone as happy as possible. my only slight worry is i'm not sure if she realises my mum is a big cause of my depression, i think she might see the main problem is me not wanting to hurt my mums feelings (which i don't but if that was the only problem i don't think i'd mind her coming to my appts). But shes going to get back to me when shes thought about what the options are so I should find out then how much she understands. then i have the option of going into more detail or not, she might come up with some ideas that would work for my situation even if she doesnt quite know what my situ is. I'm sorry HH, i'm sorry my posts make you anxious. everyone on here is really lovely and helpful but we are often writing about upsetting subjects. i always really apreciate your support but if you would prefer not to read about my mum i do understand. my sister doesnt have mental health problems but there probably is a reason why she only visits about twice a year and rarely phones or emails! My mum keeps saying its 'not good enough' and she should phone every week and visit several times. maybe my sister would have mental health problems too if she hadnt gone off to uni and never come back! she bought a house with some friends at the start of her second year so she wasnt here much in the holidays either after that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michael walker Posted April 4, 2012 Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 hi emma it is good that they are finally starting to listen to and i hope that thing carry on working out in your favour . i dont think it is your posts that make people anxious it is the way your mum treats you that do , but it is harder for you to see the real problem because you are so close to her and and you also dont want to upset her , you dont have to apologize you are just stating how it is and how it makes you feel , if you make apologies all the time it shows people that what you think you are doing is wrong and in the long run you are going to hide your true feelings which isnt going to help you if you want to get better , my parents are the root cause of all of my mental health problems so i know how hard it can be , like i said before sometimes you have to put yourself before others , Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dibley Posted April 4, 2012 Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 What Michael said. It's not your posts Emma, it's reading how your mum is. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted April 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 my mum says i have no concept of apology. I dont really know what that means. but we use it in different ways. I express sorrow. she uses it like 'Ive said the magic word so your not aloud to be cross with me'. But she is allowed to be cross with me! I mean like i'm sorry your feeling pain and i understand if you want to avoid the pain. I write that on other peoples threads too. I usually only do things if i personally think they are okay. but I am kind of aware whats ok to me isnt ok to everyone else. life is confusing isnt it? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michael walker Posted April 4, 2012 Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 hi emma im not saying to not apologize im just saying that if you think what you say is right you dont have to apologize if someone thinks you are wrong , and telling someone in a post you feel sorry for them isnt apologizing it is showing that you are sympathising with them which is a good thing , and just because somebody doesnt think what you say is right doesnt always mean you are wrong as everyones concept of right and wrong are different , Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted April 4, 2012 Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 Hi I'm SO glad that your GP has replied and has heard you. YAY for your GP! Woop Woop! Hope your next appointment goes well x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AppleCrumble Posted April 15, 2012 Report Share Posted April 15, 2012 Good luck with the GP appointment. Still go anyway, and hopefully she'll send your mum out. Keep us informed xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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